Gems Upon a Silver Thread
by A.K.Author
Summary: Helsinki has recently had her leg removed and her dreams of being a doctor ripped away right along with it. Now she finds herself abducted from her home by some cryptic old man who thinks she's about to do some grand favor for him. You can take Helsinki from her home but you can't make her save a family of dwarves or fall in love.
1. Never Leave Your House

**Thank you for joining me on the rewrite of this fic that was only ever a baby to begin with! I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it! And I hope the things returning readers liked are still present.**

**All rights to Tolkien, Newline Cinema, and Jackson. **

This is a bit like those stories I used to read when I was little, those Disney-fied ones where the girl pretends to be a soldier for noble reasons and then her army general or the prince of the land falls in love with her. Yeah, this is a bit like that, except I wasn't pretending to be a man, or even in the army.

I was pretending to have two whole legs.

The flat was dim when Sebastian unlocked the front door, a grim pile of letters with increasingly bold font and bright paper stuffed inside an old shoe greeting him. He shoved them into his satchel to pass onto his parents. The carpet was dusty and the vacuum cleaner hadn't appeared to have moved from where Sebastian left it when he visited two days ago. Sighing, he edged his way around it and the bulky pair of crutches, helpfully labelled with the hospital they were borrowed from's address, and made his way into the tiny sitting room, where slumped on the plush couch he found his sister.

While the fact that Real Housewives was still playing concerned him, Sebastian could see that Helsinki had washed her hair recently, and that she'd cleaned the rubbish and dishes off of the coffee table, where a slimmer pair of crutches now rested.

"Afternoon Hels," he greeted, throwing himself down into the armchair and slinging a paperback over at his sister.

Helsinki grumbled at him. "Why do you keep doing this? Popping around to fuck me off? You should be at work, mum and dad can't support two degenerate children."

"I'm not at work because it's five-thirty and I'm a teacher, and two, I'm here because I care about you. Just like mum and dad and Pawel do," Sebastian rehashed the argument he'd been faced with every time he visited for the past three months.

"Shit is it five thirty already? Time really does fly when you're watching Paullina throw down with Marcy," Helsinki commented. She inspected the book that had landed on her lap. "What's this shit?"

"Mum's new craze, she seems to reckon it'll fix your dingy little life," Sebastian replied without looking away from the women arguing on the screen.

"It doesn't seem to be called 'How to Re-Grow legs and other Limbs'," Helsinki snorted. "And my life isn't dingy, it's just…"

"Grimy?" Sebastian suggested. Helsinki threw a pillow at him.

"Small right now. Don't see how this book can help," Helsinki let the paperback drop to the floor. The title glared up at her; 'Pizza and Pity Parties: How to Grieve into a Better Person'.

Sebastian shrugged. "Mum told me to bring it, so I did. She says she'll stop by tomorrow with something for dinner, she seems to think you're eating nothing but Indian take-out and will have developed scurvy by Christmas."

"I had Turkish last night, actually," Helsinki stated, now a little miffed. How she wanted to wallow in her shame and life was her choice.

"That's an improvement then, that's what Doctor Mallory said wasn't it? To reach out for things you love? You love Turkish food, that's an improvement Hels. Now you've got to work towards leaving the flat to get it," Sebastian said, probably more enthusiastically than he should have.

Helsinki leveled him with a glare, propping herself up on her arms. "Excuse me, but if I want to order in Turkish because I'm tired of Indian I will, it has nothing to do with improvement or Doctor Mallory for that matter. Now don't mention that name in this house again," she slumped back down and turned the volume on the television up.

"Hels…"

"I'm warning you Seb, I've had enough. I'm tired and I'm done. I want to be left alone to watch Cathy and Brittany fight," she said.

Sebastian regarded his sister sadly. She was paler and frailer looking every time he saw her, steadily getting closer and closer to being the shell of the person she'd been before her surgery, when she was medicated to the gills and frequently attached to beeping machines. "I only want to help you, Helsinki."

"I don't want your help, nor do I need it. Pass that on to mum, won't you," she firmly said. "I can hobble around this flat easy enough and pharmacies deliver now. I'm happy as I am."

"But you're not, you're sitting in the dark, absorbing day-time television like a sponge, eating take-out, and lashing out at everyone trying to help you! You refuse to improve your life because you think it's over, and sure, you won't be a doctor like you always dreamed of-" Helsinki flinched visibly at his words- "but you're alive and in a position so many wish they could have. Write a book, take up felting, buy a cat, you need to do something before you drive us all mad in worry!" Sebastian felt bad for blowing up at his sister, but someone needed to say it. "You don't even watch Grey's Anatomy and correct all the medical information anymore, Hels…"

Helsinki looked away and flicked the television off, jaw clenched uncomfortably tight. "I know you all want to help but that isn't what I need," she said stiffly.

"Then what do you need? Drugs? A dog? A date? Hell, I'll shell out for a stripper if that'll bring back the Hels I know, but you need to tell us how we can help you!" Sebastian leaned forward, gesticulating wildly.

His sister's eyes flared and she shoved herself upright on the couch with a wince. "I'll tell you what I need, I need a good fucking sleep, a day without phantom pains or reminders of what I can't do anymore, and a new fucking leg, how about that?" she snapped. The material of the couch rasped under her clawed fingers digging into it.

"Fine! Get up, we're leaving," Sebastian stood and shouldered his bag. Helsinki glared at him from her position on the couch. He pulled the blanket off of her, revealing a pair of pyjama pants knotted at the thigh on the left side.

"Watch it pervert!" Helsinki squawked, smacking at him. "I could have been naked under there!"

"We both know that wasn't an option," Sebastian deadpanned, and Helsinki's face dropped minutely into sadness again. "Besides, we were bathed together for three and a half years. We shared a womb, I couldn't care less what I'd find under your blanket," he huffed.

Helsinki continued to stonily stare back at him. "C'mon get up, and dressed, we're going down the pub," he instructed her while offering a hand to help her off of the couch.

"I can't drink you moron," she sneered, taking the offered help nonetheless.

"I know you can't, but I can and I had the most wretched day, honestly," Sebastian told her as he helped her down the short hallway to her bedroom. Helsinki took a seat on her bed and unashamedly pulled down her pants, previous comments about her nudity forgotten. Sebastian straightened up the room and made the bed as his sister pulled the liner and prosthesis towards her, trying not to stare at the stump of her left thigh.

The room was quiet while Helsinki tugged on the liner and then the sleeve over her stump. "How's it healing?" Sebastian asked after a moment of silence.

"Fine I guess," Helsinki answered, soft clicking noises now indicating that she was putting the prosthesis on.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Tell me like you're treating a patient. You wouldn't describe a patient as 'fine, I guess,'" he said.

Helsinki sniffed. "It's not like I'm going to be describing many patients anyway, is it, Sebastian?" she questioned overly politely, reminding him that he was on thin ice. She sighed and fiddled with the mechanism that vacuum sealed her leg into the socket. "Scars healed, skin condition fine with cream to help flexibility. Compression shrinkage is good and weight bearing is also good. Happy now?" she carefully got to her feet, sharp tongue offsetting her wobbly movement. Sebastian grinned at his sister.

"Very happy, I'll be sure to pass that on to mum and dad," he held out a pair of black elasticated jeans he found in the clean washing pile. Gratefully, Helsinki sat back down and slid them on over her leg cover, a plastic piece that clipped over the pylon -the shin- of her prosthesis to give her leg a more natural shape. The plastic cover was a gift from her elder brother Pawel, with input from Sebastian. A brilliant copper colour, they had designed the faint geometric pattern pressed into the plastic in order to make it more fitting for their sister.

Once Helsinki had wiggled both legs into the jeans, she stood up and buttoned the fly, checking her t-shirt and plaid overshirt combination. "Good?" she checked with Sebastian.

"It's bloody cold out, you'll need at least another layer and boots. Reckon it'll snow sooner rather than later," he threw a pair of balled up socks at his sister, who reluctantly sat back down to pull them on. She followed the socks with a pair of padded black hiker boots, her favourite ones with a knitted cuff detail and no heel.

Once up and moving, it took her an awkwardly long time to adjust to walking with her prosthesis, carefully figuring out her gait as she followed her brother down the hallway. Sebastian snagged the small pile of prescriptions from the shelf by the door, tucking them into his coat as he tugged it on.

"We can drop these off at the pharmacy when we pass it, might as well remind the pharmacist what you look like," he said. Helsinki glowered and bundled up in her winter coat, a padded green thing with shearling lining. She reached for the door, only for her brother's arm to stop her.

Sebastian held out a large navy blue handbag, quite stylish by all accounts and clearly already filled with something larger than a wallet. "Hels…"

"I don't need to bring that thing, we're only going around the corner," she protested, smacking the fine leather away from her. "I've got the stuff I need in my pocket anyways!"

"It's not just about your epilepsy anymore Hels," Sebastian groaned. "Mum'll have my head if I let you go out without the emergency bag she put together for you. What if your leg starts hurting? Or you fall and cut yourself? C'mon Helsinki just take it!"

Stubbornly, Helsinki flicked the offending bag away from herself. "I hate carrying my epilepsy medication why would I want to carry a bag full of suture kits or paracetamol or whatever the fuck it is that mum's packed for me in an anxious fit?"

"Just take it so we can go get dinner," Sebastian jerked the bag, waiting his sister out. "Grandad helped her with the bag, there's probably something quite useful in there," he pointed out.

Helsinki took the bag, leading the way slowly down the hall to the lift, all the while rummaging in her bag. Sebastian locked the flat behind them both.

While they waited for the slow and noisy lift, Helsinki let out a grunt of triumph. "Aha!" she pulled a cigar shaped item from the depths of the bag, a second, flatter shape tied to the first with a pretty length of pale blue ribbon.

"What's that?" Sebastian asked cautiously. Their paternal grandfather was well known for giving poor or eccentric gifts. His wedding present to their mother had been a taser gun, and he once tried to give their elder brother Pawel a grenade from the second world war.

The lift doors trundled open and Helsinki limped in after her brother, brandishing the item. Now untied, the flatter item was revealed to be a flip knife, now held in the maniacal hands of the youngest Alphecca child. Unperturbed, Sebastian nodded towards the second part of the gift as Helsinki retracted the knife blade. "And that one?"

"Telescopic baton by the looks of it," she flicked her wrist and the inconspicuous black cylinder extended to a good two feet of stainless steel. The lift doors rolled open right as it extended, frightening the shit out of the elderly resident Gary as he waited to get in. The siblings froze, hyper aware of the weapon one of them was currently offensively holding in the direction of a pensioner.

"Hello Mr White," Helsinki said, starting to try and jam the baton back down with the heel of her hand.

"Just a prank gift," Sebastian reassured the old man as he eyed them both warily. "Put it away," he muttered out of the corner of his mouth to his sister. Mr White's eyes slowly flicked inbetween the brunet smiling at him and the blonde having an argument with a self-defense weapon.

"I can't," Helsinki hissed back, now turned sideways to try and hide her struggle from the pensioner who looked more and more likely to call the police. Sebastian smiled at Mr White.

"Put it away!" he edged closer to the door.

"I can't you prick!" Helsinki smacked it against the wall and the baton finally retracted. She turned back, shoved the offending item back in her handbag, and smiled brightly at Mr White. "Sorry about that Mr White, gift from grandad. He's gone a bit…" she motioned to her head, skirting around the man and hurrying to the exit.

Outside in the chilly wind, Sebastian couldn't stop himself from laughing. "Christ he's gonna call the police, Hels," he said. "The worst time to experiment with it and you threaten a pensioner!"

"Shut up you pillock," Helsinki bumped his shoulder, smiling nonetheless. "Oh god I'm never gonna be able to face him again. Or the old ladies in 14 he plays bingo with."

Sebastian set off down the street, heading for the pharmacy. "It's not that bad, he's probably got cataracts and didn't know what you were pointing at him."

"Great, so he probably thinks I was threatening him with a dildo," Helsinki snickered, carefully measuring each step on her new leg. Thankfully the streets around her flat in Islington, London were paved reasonably well and lacked hurdles and trip hazards.

Sebastian chuckled. "Or that you were flashing him with your prosthetic cock."

"Shut up," Helsinki snorted, both going quiet as they entered the pharmacy. She took the papers her brother offered, scrunched up from his pocket, and marched (limped) off to hand them to the pharmacist. There wasn't a line, so they elected to wait for them to be filled, Helsinki browsing the lipsticks and Sebastian sniffing shower gels.

"Alphecca?" the pharmacist called, holding a large paper bag. Helsinki made her way back and gratefully took the bag, putting a lipstick on the counter.

"Thanks, and this please," she quickly paid and then the siblings were back out and making their way into a crowded pub for dinner.

"There's a lot in here, I think the pharmacist must think I'm a druggie," Helsinki peered into the bag while they waited for their meals. Someone bumped into the back of her chair and burped loudly.

"I already think you are," muttered Sebastian. Helsinki smacked him but grinned all the same.

"Just for that I'll never share my good stuff with you," she reprimanded.

"Not that you ever have," Sebastian said. "Oh, here we go," he smiled at their waiter as two large plates of mashed potato, crispy pastry, and a healthy serving of peas smothered in butter were gently put down in front of them. "Now this, this is real food, Hels," Sebastian told her, already face first in a beef wellington.

Helsinki swallowed the mass amounts of potato she had crammed into her mouth. "Don't talk shit about Turkish and Indian, they have vegetables. That's real food."

"It's only real food if it's served on a plate," he argued.

"By that logic, if I put a dog shit on a plate and served it to you, that'd be considered real food," pointed out Helsinki, helpfully gesturing with her fork.

"The prerequisite is that it is at least human-grade food being served, not anything you find on the street and dish up," said Sebastian.

"Anything is food if you eat it," Helsinki replied through a sticky mouthful of potato. She paused to take a deep drink of lemonade.

Sebastian slumped in his seat and groaned over his plate. "Don't start that argument again, you ruined Christmas with this shit. Nan still hasn't forgiven you and Pawel."

"Not my problem if she holds onto a grudge. Speaking of the immortal crone, what'd you get her for Christmas?"

"Dunno," Sebastian shrugged. "Figured I'd work something out this weekend. Find something on sale. What'd you get her?"

Helsinki smiled smugly. "I got her a massive book on the European Aristocracy, she's real into it since we got her onto all those historical dramas on Netflix. And you'd better find something quick, the shops'll be a madhouse by Friday," she advised.

"Got any ideas?"

"A grandson who doesn't procrastinate?"

"Piss off. What's Pawel got her? He must have had to ship it weeks ago for it to arrive from Aussie," Sebastian asked. The band started up in the corner, drawing even more people into the small space. Already boiling hot, the room was becoming stifling and deafening beyond worth.

"Dunno, knowing Golden Child it's probably a laptop or a plasma screen TV," Helsinki muttered into her peas.

"Right," Sebastian paused. "How'd you ship a plasma TV?"

"How should I know?" Helsinki answered. "I was kidding, mostly. He's probably got her something good though; you know how much that company he works for pays."

Sebastian hummed into his lager. "Do I ever. Thought Sarah was gonna leave me when we took the kids for a holiday. Huge house, massive pool, three cars. What a dream," he sighed.

Helsinki huffed. "They live on the beach, why they need a pool is beyond me. And who needs three cars? There's only two of them who drive, their son is four!" The band began a new song with a weird techno beat and screeching vocals.

Over the music, Sebastian replied. "So you don't have to swim in the ocean with the sharks, obviously," he nodded to himself. "And something about security, I think Pav said. One of the cars is for Cooper when he's older."

Helsinki nodded. "Right, because everyone's first car should be a Range Rover," she huffed.

"You don't get to have an opinion, Pav and I have supplied all the grandkids for mum and dad so far, and until you have your own you stay in your box, with the weird aunt role. No parenting advice," Sebastian remarked.

"Remind me again who it was you called at three in the morning because the twins were screaming the house down?"

"That was medical, not parenting advice," Sebastian countered. He winced as the music hit new levels of loud and the lights on the stage moved with the bass. "Better go now before they bring out the strobe lights, Fitty," he stood and knocked his sister on the arm, only to be punched in return.

"Fine, but only because I don't feel like pissing myself on the floor of this pub tonight," Helsinki got to her feet and gently put weight back on her left side. Having paid when they ordered at the bar, they pushed their way out of the packed pub and back onto the streets, where it was now dark and starting to snow.

"Right, I need to get home to tuck the kids in, so I'll leave you here, I parked just over there," Sebastian said, hands stuffed in his pockets. "You're good to walk home?"

Helsinki rolled her eyes so hard she saw neurons. "It's a minute walk to the alley behind my building, I'll be fine," she said. "Besides, I've got a baton now."

"Alright, just doing my bit as a good big brother," Sebastian surrendered. "Call mum yeah? And maybe leave the house more than once a week? I meant it when I said we were all worried. We just want you better, Hels."

Helsinki looked at her shoes, blonde curls hanging down and masking her face. "Sure, I'll try. Thanks Sebbie, for today. I mean it," she muttered. Helsinki hated to admit it, but she did feel better for getting out of her flat and having a good time, even if it wasn't the same as it was a few months ago.

"Awe, I knew my company was worth it!" he cheered, scooping his sister into a hug.

"Put me down before I ruin your hopes of a fourth child," Helsinki lowly said into his ear, arms pinned to her side.

"With one leg?" Sebastian squeezed tighter. Helsinki's hair was stuck between her trapped arms and her brother's bicep, sharply pulling at her scalp until she was blinking away irritating tears.

"I've got good torque on this, do you want to find out?" Helsinki threatened. Her brother put her down and pulled his keys from his pocket. Gratefully, she shook out her hair which had dried from it's earlier shower and now hung around her shoulders in a thick mass of indecisive waves and curls.

"I'll call around again soon," he said. "And mum and dad are going to pick you up on Christmas Eve to drive up to Nan and Grandad's."

"Sure, fine," Helsinki waved him off, shuffling in the direction of her building. "Cheers, see you later! Tell the kids I said hi!"

"Bye!"

And then Helsinki was alone again, wandering back to her couch and bed and wallowing. She paused in the street briefly to gather her thoughts, most of which had come suddenly crashing down around her. Depression was heavy, like a sodden cloak resting on her shoulders. _This must have been what Atlas felt like_, Helsinki absently thought as she began to put one foot in front of the other once again. She turned into the alley, digging in her bag for her keys, which must have grown legs because she couldn't find them in the depths of her bag.

"For fucks sake, where're they?" she muttered to herself as her fingers found the exact same piece of paper as they had for the last twenty seconds. A shuffling noise too loud to be a rat made her freeze and her fingers tightened around the first thing her grip landed on. Thankfully, it wasn't a crumpled receipt. Helsinki hoped it was just a fox, or a stray cat going through the bins.

She slowly drew the switchblade from her bag, phone in her other hand. She wished she hadn't dismissed her brother so quickly now, even if Sebastian was a massive wuss and probably would have sacrificed her so that he could make a getaway. A large figure loomed out of the dark, beside the back door to the building. Residual light from the street just meters away lit up a man's face, elderly and dimmed by the brim of a massive hat.

"Oh good it's just a crackhead. Or a paedophile," she sighed in relief that the person wasn't more threatening, like a thief with a gun, or a woman in bare feet.

"I am neither," an odd accent replied to her sighed words. Unfortunately, the person didn't offer any more information and had failed to deny being any of the other unsavory things found in alleyways, like rapists, or organ traffickers. Helsinki clutched the knife in a sweaty palm. If she was about to be robbed by a foreigner, she'd like to at least have put up a fight.

"Look, I don't have anything for you," she lied. She had a lot of drugs on her. "Let me go and I won't call the police," she bargained.

The man ignored her. "Helsinki Felicja Alphecca?" he asked. Helsinki fought to keep her face still and not screech in alarm about a creepy stranger in an alley knowing her full name.

"No, but she's a neighbour. I can go get her for you," Helsinki said, trying to dodge around the tall man and get inside, only for him to move and block her, faster than any old man should be able to move.

"That won't be necessary, seeing as I'm speaking with her right now," the man said.

"Uh, you're not but I can go and get her," Helsinki shuffled to the side awkwardly. She'd look a right mess if they found her body in the alley in the morning. One leg and lopsided breasts, a catastrophe. What would the police think? And she hadn't even read that stupid book her mother had given her, what a shitty daughter everyone would think she was.

The man held out some sort of stick, quite threateningly, at her. Helsinki flicked the knife out and brandished it. "Look pal, I don't know where you get off, but cornering girls in alleys isn't a good look, and neither will be me kicking your arse, so move it."

"You'll do quite well, I believe," the man reached forward, a long sleeve hanging down enough that Helsinki could see right down into the dark depths of wrinkly hell. She tried to move backwards but misjudged and felt her prosthesis slip on the cold ground, making her stumble and swing the knife as the arm came closer.

"You fucking what-" Helsinki jabbed the knife as his hand came too close for comfort, and lost consciousness as grey painted her vision and a searing pain bloomed like a firework in her side. She fell onto snow dusted concrete in a heap, barely making out the shadow of the large man bending over her as her eyes slid shut.


	2. Never Do Your Own Stitches

**Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Let me know if you have any questions, I'll do my best to answer them. All rights to JRRT and Newline Cinema and Jackson.**

In some expensive university art class, the following picture would probably be wanked over by a bunch of overly-sophisticated, chunky-knit wearing students, guided by their teacher who was almost definitely hypersexual or the spiffing result of a private education and a rebellion against dentist parents.

Helsinki was lying on her back in the middle of a small forest clearing, a glade if you will. Surrounded by midsummer flowers and rustling wildlife, she lay with her arms outstretched as though in offering and her legs bent at the knee as they were when she fell. Her strawberry blonde hair haloed out around her, seeping into the grass crown around her head. She was sickly pale and shining not as though lit from within, but more like she was drenched in sweat and possibly feverish. Her jacket was unzipped, splayed under her torso as a backdrop to the knife blade speared through her side, slowly oozing blood into a small blossom-shaped stain on her shirt.

Helsinki groaned deeply as she came to consciousness, feeling as though she was waking from anesthesia. Her limbs felt like cinder blocks and her head was spinning like a washing machine full of cats. Licking her dry lips and struggling to swallow, Helsinki called for a nurse.

"Hel-lo? 'M 'wake," she mumbled, peeling her eyes open only to slam them shut again as they were nothing short of assaulted by bright sunlight. She groaned again. What sort of shitty hospital has their post-anesthesia care unit positioned on the surface of the fucking sun? Limply managing to get her hand in front of her face, she chanced a look around, only to find a situation worse than she ever could have expected.

In shock, Helsinki sat up quickly and jostled the knife embedded in her side. She screamed and felt a new layer of sweat bead down her spine in pain, both hands shakily coming up to flutter around the wound. The handle was tempting to pull, but the rational part of Helsinki's brain that had studied medicine for no less than eight years knew it wasn't safe to pull the knife out, not until she found a hospital or someone to help her. Drugs would be handy too.

Dimly aware of the world around her, Helsinki retched off to the side, narrowly missing splattering what had been a nice dinner all over her jacket. Her side throbbed in agony, pulsing with her heartbeat. What had happened to her after that man in the alley touched her? Other than stabbing her apparently, he must have dragged her off to some park somewhere and done god knows what. Helsinki retched again, tears and snot streaming down her face. Hiccoughed sobs wrenched through her torso and worsened the pain she was in.

Shifting carefully and wiping her nose on her sleeve, Helsinki cast a look over herself, avoiding the knife for the moment. Her bag was beside her, and it still looked full by some miracle. She was still dressed, which was a good sign, even her boots were still laced. A minor prick of relief ran through Helsinki's chest, but was largely unnoticed on account of the intense throbbing pain radiating through her side.

There was a dark patch on the crotch of her jeans, smelling faintly of urine, but Helsinki couldn't at that point bring herself to care. She'd been accosted in an alleyway by a strange man, stabbed, and woken up in a park somewhere where she, while still thankfully clothed, had vomited profusely into the grass beside herself while also crying. For some reason she was untouched, bar the stab wound, and her bag, which was full of quite valuable drugs and god knows what else, was still packed and sitting beside her.

Helsinki heaved out a shaky breath and clutched her side, now trembling on all fours looking more pathetic than she ever had. Snotty, red, with bloodshot eyes and covered in the trifecta of gross human bodily fluids while sobbing in a forest, Helsinki became acutely aware of how gross and feeble she looked very suddenly. She dug deep for that stubborn sense of pride and effortlessness that she'd carted around like a talisman for a decade, pulling herself together just enough to slump back and wipe her face.

"Right, we gotta do this Helsinki, just like in Emergency," she let out a rattled breath and reached for her handbag, where she didn't doubt that her mother, paranoid-parent extraordinaire had packed a suture kit in the event that Helsinki had a seizure and cracked her head open. As predicted, tucked in an inside pocket, her shaking and red-smeared hands found a zippered little pouch that she pulled out and opened. She steadied herself and wiped her eyes again, staring down at the instruments she hadn't seen in over ten months. Helsinki was more than capable of performing such a minor procedure as stitches, even on herself, but the lack of anesthetic was not something to be ignored. Only twice had she stitched someone up without local anesthetic during her residency, and neither occasion had been pretty.

"Pretend it's a patient Hels, it not you," she gasped as her finger nudged the knife handle. "First, we're going to remove the weapon," she muttered to herself, closing her eyes and carefully wrapping her fingers around the handle of the knife. "Real smooth, we've numbed you up, you'll be fine Miss."

Pulling the knife out proved to be one of the hardest things Helsinki had ever done, agreeing to have her leg amputated at the thigh included. She muffled a scream in her jacket collar as the knife finally came free. She dropped it on the grass with a thump, little spots of viscous red fluid flecking the blades of grass.

"Now we have to clean the wound," she sniffled to herself, quickly flushing the wound with a small syringe of saline before picking up an iodine patch and tearing the wrapping open with her teeth. "Deep breath, on three," she said. "One-" Helsinki pressed the orange piece of cloth to her wound abruptly, hissing through her teeth as it stung. "Two three," she grunted.

Now she paused for a short break, wiping her nose and trying to steel herself for the next part, the part she had no anesthetic for. Nervously and with shaking hands, Helsinki spent the next five minutes trying to thread the cutting needle with teary eyes. When she finally succeeded, Helsinki preemptively clenched her teeth.

"Now we're going to stitch you up, Miss, just a couple of stitches should do it," she ground out, taking the needle the forceps and smoothly pushing it through the skin of her lower torso. She pulled the suture closed with a trembling breath and tied it off, feebly juggling the numerous sharp objects she was holding in order to pick up the scissors and cut the threat. "One more Miss, and you're done," Helsinki muttered to herself bracingly, positioning the needle for the second time.

By the time she had finished and taped a piece of gauze over her new stitches, a fresh layer of shiny sweat was dripping off of Helsinki's forehead and her limbs felt like steel helium balloons. She fumbled to put away her tools and shove the kit back in her bag so she didn't have to look at it again. A fresh wave of tears dripped down her cheeks and her side throbbed.

Snorting back the tears, Helsinki rustled through her bag suddenly recalling her filled prescriptions. "C'mon, c'mon please," she pleaded with fistfuls of paper and the wrong tablets. Her hand closed on the correct little green bottle and she held it up to double check before dry swallowing a pair of tablets. Very quickly, the drowsy feeling of drugged pain relief seeped into her bones and dull the hot pain in her side.

Sniffing wetly, Helsinki looked around for something to help her stand up, knowing she wouldn't be able to do so on her own. Spying a small tree, she shuffled on her knees over to it, pulling her bag along behind her. Once she reached the sapling, Helsinki used it as leverage to haul herself up, bearing most of her weight on her right side to avoid hurting her side more or slipping on the grass with her prosthesis.

Stooping to scoop her bag up, Helsinki had to hang her head and catch her breath for a moment as the world continued to spin around her. Spitting out a mouthful of foul saliva, she patted down her pockets for her phone, only to recall it dropping from her grip as she fell and the alley around her turned murky and dark.

"For fucks sake, I'll kill that weird bastard," she swore, though much of the threat was lost in sweaty breathlessness.

Blinking away more tears, Helsinki slowly began to stumble her way out of the trees, picking the direction she was facing to move in. The trees swam past in her in blurs and the grass kept shaking under her feet. Pretty sure she was in some park, it wouldn't be long until she came across someone walking their dog or picnicking.

In fact, she had only been wearily stumbling for two minutes before she found someone, a someone with a straw hat, gardening gloves, and the largest feet Helsinki had ever hallucinated. Aware that she was feverish and probably lacking a fair amount of blood, Helsinki idly had to wonder if she was dreaming this entire situation. Drenched in sweat, loopy on painkillers and definitely hallucinating, Helsinki made for a poor visitor. Her legs wobbled and the person gardening looked up, double taking as they caught sight of her. It was hard to make out any details because her vision was clouding with grey at the edges and even though the person was hurrying closer and speaking, she couldn't hear him over the roaring of her pulse dominating her head.

"Help, please," Helsinki mumbled, dropping to her knees in a bed of yellow flowers.

Rather dimly, Helsinki was aware of being helped into a bedroom, where the air was cooler and a light breeze dried the sweat coating her face. She awkwardly clambered onto the bed, which bit at her knees because it was so low to the ground. Something cool covered her forehead and she sighed into the relief, keeping her eyes closed but trying to listen to the quick and prim voice twittering about her head.

"Here, Miss," they said, and then her head was softly lifted off of the pillow and a cup of water offered to her sticky mouth. Gasping into the cup, Helsinki slurped back as much as she could manage before her head was lowered back to the pillow and a hand patted her own.

The same voice as before spoke, now further down the bed, close to the obvious wound on her side. "Miss, I am just going to fetch Mrs Took, she'll fix you up," the voice grew fainter and distantly a door closed. Helsinki fell asleep.

Mrs Took, Helsinki found out, could never be said to suffer fools at all. She bustled around in a flower printed dress in purple and green with an honest to god bonnet tied over her dark curls. She also smacked her patient awake so that she could gauge her state.

"Bloody hell," Helsinki groaned, peeling open her eyes to be met with another, browner pair inches from her own. "Jesus fuck!" she yelped, jerking back and aggravating her stab-hole.

The woman leaned back. "Got a mouth on you, haven't ya?" she firmly patted Helsinki's thigh, not seeming to notice the lack of flesh under the fabric or the damp urine still staining the dark jeans. "Lie back girly, I'm Lycoris Took. Bilbo came to get me after he found you poorly in his garden," the woman wrung out a cloth and rested it on Helsinki's head. Helsinki followed her movements with wide eyes and a gaping jaw.

"Are you a doctor? Am I in a hospital?"

"Did you hear me? I'm Lycoris, and you're in Bilbo's house. It was his garden you collapsed in," she replied.

Helsinki blinked. "Where am I?"

"Do I need to check your ears for bees? You're in Bilbo Baggins' house, he found ya," Lycoris appeared unimpressed with Helsinki's slow comprehension. Then again, she was unaware of the blood loss and the drugs, so some slack could have been cut. Unfortunately, Helsinki was not in the mood and propped herself up.

She smacked away a spindly hand where it went to probe inside her ear. "Where is Bilby's house," she deadpanned. "Is it in Cornwall?" that might explain the outfit. And the bonnet.

"_Bilbo Baggins_," stressed Lycoris, "lives on Bagshot Row, in Hobbiton. The Shire, Middle Earth if you're so concerned."

Helsinki furrowed her brow, wondering if she was still hallucinating. "Never heard of any of it. Anywhere near London?"

"London? Lass, there's no London in the Shire, you'd have to check with the Thain or perhaps Bilbo for a map otherwise. I've heard of no London. Perhaps… if he's in the area, Gandalf might know" Lycoris tugged her shirt up and without warning, ripped the gauze off.

"Fucking hell, some warning would be nice," Helsinki barked at the woman. "Well I've never heard of the Shire either. Is it some sort of mental institution? A home for…" she waved at the woman's rather old fashioned dress. "Can this Gandelf help me? I need to get to London."

Lycoris frowned at her and prodded the inflamed stitches, not answering the question. "This is incredible technique, I've not seen anything like it," she said.

Helsinki swatted her hand away with clenched teeth. "Yeah well they're fresh so quit poking," she hissed.

Primly, Lycoris stepped back and let Helsinki stick the gauze back down while watching closely with curious eyes. Helsinki shuffled and swung her legs off of the bed. "Did you do those?" she asked, crows feet and wrinkled lips more vivid now that Helsinki was closer.

"I did," Helsinki confirmed, looking around the weirdly shaped room. "Where's my bag?" Lycoris held it up, pulling it from Helsinki's outstretched grip when the blonde reached for it. Helsinki growled. "Now isn't really the time to start something, Licorice."

"My name is Lycoris, and you can have your bag if you answer my questions," the elderly woman said.

Helsinki blew a strand of hair from her face. "Fine. Fire away, but I'm warning you, the minute I find a warden I'm telling him you need your meds adjusted."

If she understood, Lycoris didn't show it and instead took a seat in a cosy armchair beside an antique wooden dresser. "What is your name, girly?"

"Do-" Helsinki clipped herself short out of habit and cleared her throat. "Helsinki Alphecca," she said.

"It's nice to meet you, Helsinki Alphecca. I take it you come from this London you speak of?" Lycoris asked.

"Yes, and you pretending not to know it's lending yourself any favours. If anything it's worrying," sniped Helsinki.

Lycoris twitched an eyebrow. "Worrying for whom? I am not worried because I know that I do not know of any place called London in the Shire. Are you worried, Helsinki?"

Helsinki swallowed, unwilling to admit, that sure, she was a bit worried actually. Landing herself in some facility that probably had electric fences wasn't at the top of her cancer recovery plans, nor was surrounding herself with people unfamiliar with the entire city of London. "I am a bit, yeah," she said.

"Not to worry my girl, we'll get you to where you need to be," Lycoris stood, drawing Helsinki's attention to what were the largest feet she'd ever seen on a creature that wasn't a kangaroo. "Now, how about some tea? Seeing as you seem alright to me."

Helsinki slowly looked up at her, her brain struggling to digest the peculiar feet. "Are- are you okay?" Helsinki whispered, unable to stop looking at the curly hair that topped the old woman's massive flippers. The Shire must be some place for people with defects, like size twenty feet.

Lycoris cast a glance down and then back to Helsinki. "Oh yes, I'm afraid cracked soles are the normal for me in my old age," she said. "My sons feet, well they're just…" Lycoris chattered on while Helsinki stared at her in shock. The feet thing must be genetic, and the lack of outsider knowledge suggested some sort of insular community.

Had Helsinki been abducted by a cult? If she had, she'd blame it entirely on that weird man in the alley. She hadn't had a good look at his feet, but he sure seemed culty now that she thought about it.

Absently, she stood from the bed, using the bed post to steady herself, and calmly trained her eyes on the woman's pink bonnet. "Excuse me, I need the bathroom."

"Just down the hall on the right, dear," Lycoris said. "I'm sure Bilbo has something he can lend you while we get your clothes washed. He said he's drawn a bath, so take your time. Just pass your clothes out to me when you're undressed, best get them cleaned quickly."

Lycoris bustled off down the hall where a kettle was whistling shrilly. Helsinki followed her out of the room and into a hallway with a curved roof, deciding to ignore that detail and find the bathroom, so that she could climb out a window and find civilization.

The bathroom, strangely, was also bestowed with a curved ceiling, along with something toilet-like, a deep bath full of lukewarm water, and a wooden vanity and basin upon which sat many soap-ish products. Helsinki braced herself against the vanity and stared at her reflection, splashing some water on her face for good measure.

"This must be a massive hallucination. The weird man in the alley drugged me and now I'm seeing people with massive feet," she reasoned with herself, watching her own mouth move but now believing much of what was coming out of it. Her hair, normally coiffed and glossy, was knotted and clumped around her shoulders in strawberry heaps, her skin was ghastly pale with two high spots of bright red on her cheeks. Her green eyes were puffy and red rimmed, and while someone, _probably Lycoris_, Helsinki thought, had cleaned her face of smeared blood, vomit, tears, and snot, her nose remained pink and sore.

She hadn't looked this poorly in some time, not since she'd tried to walk for the first time after her surgery.

Spying a small window, she took a quick look of the secure facility or cult-grounds, which ever it was. Helsinki couldn't see any electric fences, the only sort of fencing she could see was low and made for livestock, and there were many people moving about freely, all dressed similarly to Lycoris, right down to the bonnet.

"What the fuck…?" Helsinki watched a young pair of children skip down the narrow road, both wearing suspenders of all things, with feet just as large as Lycoris', though more to scale with their younger height. Helsinki shook her head, unwilling to deal with being in a cult at the moment.

Grabbing what she hoped was a bar of soap, Helsinki numbly stripped off her layers, blindly tossed them out the door for Lycoris and removed her leg, after checking it for damage. While the cool bath was a nice thought, Helsinki didn't want to get her injury wet, and she couldn't very well stand on one leg in the tub. Grumbling, she resorted to perching on the edge, so the rim of the tub dug into her arse, and carefully balancing while she dipped her arms into the water and washed herself off bit by bit.

Towelling off and redressing in her underwear, Helsinki faced the mirror once more. She didn't like what she saw and turned away, ready to find Lycoris and get some clean clothes, only to catch a glimpse of something as she turned her head. Alarmed, she moved closer to the mirror and dropped the towel so she could cup her face in her hands.

Thick, blonde, long sideburns. Sideburns that had not been present at any point previously in Helsinki's life.

"FOR FUCKS SAKE!" she screamed, pulling at the hairs as though that was the best way to remove them. She ransacked the bathroom draws and cupboard, sure that she would find a razor of sorts because everyone she'd seen had been clean shaven, only to have no luck and find nothing even remotely similar to a razor. Nothing even sharp enough.

Now fuming, crying a little, and in pain, Helsinki crushed the large bar of soap in her frustrated grip. After calming some and loosening her hands, she realised what she had done and panicked, hobbling over to the window, unlatching it, and lobbing out onto the path. Hopefully, she hadn't hit a child, she was sure the cult leader wouldn't like that.

Scooping up her towel, she left the bathroom and returned the room she'd woken up in, finding a folded shirt and long skirt on the bed. Irritably, she pulled them on, grabbed her bag and went in search of Lycoris, or someone else to take her anger out on.

Instead of Lycoris, Helsinki found a short, ginger man with a nervous air about him. Rather portly and twitchy, he reminded her of a squirrel or a rabbit, something with an anxious disposition that seldom felt in control of the room. In fact, to prove her point, he squeaked a little when she entered, fumbling with the wicker basket he held.

"Oh, uh, hello, I'm Bilbo Baggins," he introduced himself.

"Helsinki Alphecca," Helsinki replied, at least attempting to be polite.

Bilbo put the basket down. "I've just hung your clothes out. Quite interesting fabrics they are, where did you get them? Lycoris mentioned you were from a place called London? Is it near Rivendell?" he babbled while stoking a fireplace and filling a kettle.

"The clothes are from London, yes," Helsinki answered, hovering in the entry to the kitchen where Bilbo was now stirring something in a large pot. "I can't say I know what or where Rivendell is, so it's probably not close by, no."

"That's a shame, those strange pants of yours seemed quite hardy," Bilbo commented.

Helsinki snorted, thinking about this man who was wearing what looked like breeches, dressed in skinny jeans. "Sure, they're decent," she said. "Where's Lycoris?"

"Ah, she was called away, but she did say that she heard that Gandalf the Wizard was in town, and that he might be able to help you, so perhaps we're expecting him. I've put some extra dinner on, just in case," Bilbo told her, rather wisely.

"Wizard? Are you kidding me?" Helsinki asked, wondering what the hell this place was. "Is he like your cult leader?"

"Cult leader? I don't know what that is, Gandalf is a travelling wizard as far as I know," said Bilbo.

"And let me guess, you're a dwarf with those feet," Helsinki snorted.

Bilbo puffed up like a little brown owl. "I'll have you know that I am one of the most respected Hobbits in Hobbiton. Dwarf, preposterous," he muttered to himself, apparently rather aggrieved by Helsinki's blase attitude towards him being a dwarf.

"What's a hobbit then?" Helsinki asked, expecting a joke.

"Me of course!" Bilbo exclaimed. "How can you be in the Shire and not know what a Hobbit it?"

"I don't even know what the Shire is, to be honest. I woke up here this morning," Helsinki said.

Bilbo sniffed at her. "A hobbit is like me, short, with large feet and pointed ears. We like good food and gardening, and we live in the Shire. This village is called Hobbiton, and it is in the Shire."

"Okay then," Helsinki decided to take his word for it, seeing as he was so enthusiastic and convinced. She knew a lost argument when she saw one. Her eyes found his feet again, and she couldn't help but wonder about something further up- _don't think about the weird little man's dick_, she warned herself off.

"And what are you? if you don't mind me asking," asked Bilbo, not rudely but very directly.

"I'm human," said Helsinki. _Like you_, she added mentally.

"I've never heard of hu-man before. Is it like the race of men?"

Helsinki furrowed her brow and followed the man, hobbit, into the kitchen, where he was now slicing bread. "Men? I suppose it's exactly that, actually," she confirmed. This place was getting stranger by the minute, first feet, then a wizard, now there were more species. Next he'd tell her dwarves were real.

"You're quite short for a woman of the race of men," Bilbo observed, then flushed. "I mean, I haven't seen that many, only on trips to Bree mostly, but you are more of a… dwarven height. Mixed heritage, perhaps?"

"Dwarf? Mate I'm human, and I'm normal sized. Dwarves aren't real anyways," she waved off his alarmed stare.

"I can assure you that they are, Miss Helsinki," he corrected her. "About your height, with beards, and hammers. Quite brutish-"

"They live in the mountains and are very skilled craftsmen," a different voice joined the conversation. Helsinki whirled around, spiders crawling up her spine at the familiar accent. "You my dear, are a dwarf. In most ways at least. I am here to collect you."

"YOU! YOU CREEPY FUCKING FREAK!" Helsinki snarled and brandished the bread knife that had been left on the counter. Bilbo startled and scurried backwards at her raised voice, while the towering giant in the room stood firm. "You stabbed me in an alley then left me in the woods like some low life maggot who gets off on hurting young girls and dumping them for the dogs!" she advanced on the man, only to be thrown back by something she couldn't see.

The man smiled sternly at her, stick gripped in his hand. "I am Gandalf the Grey-"

"I don't care who you are, I'm going to strangle you with your intestines!" Helsinki tried to lunge forward again.

"Do not interrupt me child, you will not like the consequences," Gandalf warned. "You took an oath to do no harm, to help, and to heal, correct?" his voice was suddenly much warmer.

Helsinki glared darkly. "I did, but it's not going to help you, I promise you that."

Gandalf watched her fume at him, and then broke out in a grin. "You will do well, I think. Master Baggins, fetch Miss Alphecca's clothes please, and some rations for the road too. We have someone to meet."


	3. Never Wander Off

**Many thanks to all reviewers, I think I replied to everyone but if I missed someone I'm sorry! I'll do better next time!**

**All rights to Newline, Tolkien, and Jackson. **

**Stay safe and well, I hope you like this chapter! Let me know what you think, or if you have any questions, it not only makes my day, but it gives me something to do for about an hour.**

Helsinki traipsed along behind Gandalf, glaring at the tall man's back and hoping that by pure undiscovered pyrokinesis, she could set fire to his horrendous long grey dress. They had been walking now for an hour, most of it on bumpy terrain that made Helsinki grumble and swear under her breath. This was a change because when she wasn't muttering under her breath about the rough road, she was loudly making her opinion of Gandalf known to the man, with many expletives and creative threats.

As their path leveled out again, she began her chorus once more. "Is ruining people's lives a hobby or a job for you? because I've only known you a few hours and you've definitely ruined mine," said Helsinki. As expected, Gandalf did not answer her, deciding to hold the moral high ground and lord it over her as though she was the one who stabbed and abducted an amputee in an alley. Out of the pair of them, she was the one on the high ground, not some creep in a dress.

"Have you considered taking me home perhaps, and not back to your crack den?" Helsinki glared harder at the man in front of her. "Stupid git abducting me and not even offering an explanation just ordering me around with his magic fucking stick…" She would honestly prefer a crack den at that point, her stitches were pulling and she was hot all over. The pain medication from earlier had all but worn off and the beginning sensation of intense and fresh pain was starting to ebb into her grumbling.

"Have you considered that I am simply waiting for you to be quiet so that I may explain my motives to you, Miss Alphecca?" Gandalf asked far too cheerily.

Helsinki hated people who smiled at other people's anger. Mostly because she was the exact opposite and tended to start considering nuclear war at the slight hint of being played with. "Have you considered perhaps go fucking yourself?" she shot back, curling her fingers so she didn't try to punch the elderly man.

Gandalf had the nerve to laugh at her, a rumbling chuckle that made her jaw pop as she bit her tongue. "If you settle down my dear girl, I will explain everything."

"Get started so I can go home," Helsinki snapped, kicking a stone out of her way.

The wizard sighed. "I trust you realise by now that you are not in your home?"

"No shit, I didn't have the wardrobe to fucking Narnia in my flat, now did I?" Helsinki asked.

"I meant that you know that you are no longer in London, nor are you in England anymore. To keep with your metaphor, you are in fact, in Narnia. Only this Narnia is called Middle Earth, and I brought you here, not a wardrobe," Gandalf said, pulling a pipe from the folds of his robe.

Helsinki snorted. "If you think I'm gullible enough to believe I'm in some children's book-world, you're mental."

"I am not mental, nor is this a world from a children's storybook. Today you have met Hobbits, undeniably people not of your world. And you have met me, a wizard," said Gandalf, stuffing something dried and green into his pipe. "Is that not proof enough that you are in a world other than your own?"

"No, I'm still not convinced the Hobbits weren't just hallucinations caused by whatever drugs you slipped me while accosting me in an alley!" Helsinki's voice rose into a shriek. "And it's easy to claim to be a wizard when you smoke crack," she motioned to the pipe, "and carry a large stick around to intimidate people."

Gandalf's bushy eyebrow rose into the shadow of the brim of his hat as he regarded the short woman shouting at him. "I can assure you that I did not give you any drugs, Miss Alphecca, nor am I on any myself. If I did, I expect that I would see far nicer things," he prodded his pipe with a spindly finger and lit the weed within. Helsinki didn't notice this magic, because she was too busy trying to curb the urge to club the irritating man around the head with his own stick.

"That's real petty, calling me a shit hallucination, I feel really put in my place now," Helsinki droned sarcastically.

Gandalf ignored her. "You would also notice changes made to your person since I brought you here-"

"Oh you mean left me bleeding in a forest? Sure, I've been cataloguing freckles."

"- such as the shorter height and the thicker hair. I must say, the sideburns suit you," he commented, breezing past Helsinki's waspish interruption without notice.

Helsinki tugged on one of the offending patches of hair. "This place has made me hairier, and for that I blame you," she muttered. "I'm not shorter though, you're just fucking tall."

"You are a dwarf now, Helsinki. When I brought you here from your home in London, I made you into a dwarf, mostly. The height to size ratio didn't seem to work, your hands and feet are far smaller than they should have been," he muttered, glancing back at her hands. He hummed to himself.

"You best be thankful for that, it'll make it less painful when I shove my foot up your arsehole and into your liver," she moodily declared.

"I suppose," said Gandalf. "You do make a fine dwarf-ish woman though, certain lacking features aside. Perhaps you should tell people you are of mixed heritage, so they don't question the daintier features," he suggested.

Helsinki had stopped dead in the middle of the path, handbag swinging in her grip. "You really did take me from my world, didn't you?" she asked. "You took me from my home against my will and turned me into something else." Helsinki looked away from the wizard, who had stopped and turned to face her, cold dread filling her gut. "And you're not going to take me home, are you?"

Gandalf seemed vaguely apologetic as he replied. "No, I'm afraid not. I brought you here for a reason. I need you to do me a favour."

Helsinki laughed wetly. "As if I'll be doing any favours for you. Get fucked."

"My girl, the favour can wait for some time yet, I simply needed you here so that when the task becomes apparent, you are here to complete it," he explained, moving closer. "And when you have finished your task, I can return you to normal."

Helsinki peered up at him, the untrustworthy bastard. "And send me home?"

His smile twitched. "And send you home. You should know, however, that I spent a great deal of time in your world, looking for someone to complete this task for me. I picked you, specifically you for it, and I have no doubt that you will do well indeed," Gandalf regarded her, snivelling into her borrowed shirt like a toddler trying to hide angry tears.

"Why me? I'm pretty fucking useless," Helsinki swung her arms out and let them clap down at her sides. "Not even a good enough doctor to catch my own fucing cancer in time."

Gandalf leaned on his staff. "While I was in your world, I heard the words spoken by a great philosopher; 'You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think'."

Helsinki snorted back a sinus' worth of snot and rubbed at her face. She peered up at Gandalf, unbelievingly. "Winnie the Pooh? That's what you consider a great philosopher from my world?"

"Well, there are others of course," Gandalf seemed miffed that she didn't like his quote.

"Yeah, there're others that wear pants and aren't fictional bears," Helsinki replied. "And I think I know exactly how brave, strong and smart I am, thank you very much. It's not nearly as much as you think I am."

"On the contrary, I believe you are, as Pooh Bear says, more than you think on all accounts," Gandalf whirled around in a musty cloud of grey fabric and began striding off again.

Helsinki followed, head bowed, which unfortunately kept her fake leg in her eye line. "Pal, I know more about my traits than you do, okay? I chose to have my fucking leg cut off, because I was too afraid of the other treatments; treatments I understand because I'm a fucking doctor. Or I was," she muttered.

"But sometimes an outsider can see more of us than we are capable of, Miss Alphecca. You chose to learn to live an entirely new life with one less limb, that doesn't seem cowardly to me," Gandalf said.

"Doesn't it? I was too scared of the pain and side effects of radiation or chemo, so I decided to have my leg removed," Helsinki sniped, angry at herself now. "I ruined my dreams of becoming a doctor because I had to take the easy way out."

"And there's another point Pooh made! You are quite intelligent, Miss Alphecca. You have been studying as a healer for close to a decade now, that isn't the feat of a coward or fool," Gandalf pointed out.

"Are we glossing over the fact I sabotaged myself? Right, well I admit to being smart enough to get through eight years of schooling to be a doctor. Not smart enough to choose the right treatment though," said Helsinki.

Gandalf halted, spun, and grabbed her by the shoulders before Helsinki could react. "Enough of your self pity, Miss Alphecca. I chose you for the task ahead because you are smart enough to have developed capabilities and skills unseen in this world. You are brave enough to have changed your life for the sake of your health, even at the cost of your dream and work. You are strong enough to have survived it, and most importantly," Gandalf leaned in, Helsinki leaned back. "You are kind. You wanted to dedicate your life to the sick and hurt. It was your desire to work with young children, wasn't it?" Helsinki mutely nodded. Gandalf let her go and turned back. "Then I have made the right decision in bringing you here, Helsinki. Kindness is a sorely undervalued thing, Miss Alphecca. It is something I believe to be more powerful than any other trait you possess."

"You're the last person who should be calling me kind," Helsinki remarked, rubbing her eyes.

"But if I were to hurt myself or become sick, you would help me regardless. Despite all of the things I have done, all of the anger you feel towards me, you would help me to the best of your ability," he swept off with Helsinki hurrying to catch up to him, bag bouncing on her arm.

"Slow down, I'm injured, you bastard," Helsinki called, finding herself smiling.

"Ah, I did forget about that. Stitching yourself up in the wood was also an act of strength, I forgot to mention," Gandalf called jovially over his shoulder.

Helsinki's newfound brighter mood dropped. "Prick," she muttered under her breath.

The Shire-Border village of Lower Falls is, compared to the quaint, almost cult-like ambiance of Hobbiton, a massive pile of shit. Rickety stone and wood concocted houses line a muddy lane that acts as a road, where locals and travellers dodge puddles and unsavoury characters. Helsinki followed Gandalf, tired, sore, and grumpy after walking for four hours, watching in horror as a woman threw an entire chamber pot out of a window on the other side of the road.

"Good god am I going to catch the Plague here? Plague? Is that what I'm gonna catch?" Helsinki asked, lifting her skirt so it didn't splash in a deep muddy puddle. Why Bilbo had owned a skirt for her to borrow had at some point in the past four hours travel had crossed Helsinki's mind, however the sharp pain in her side had quickly distracted her.

"Plague? No, of course not. There hasn't been a Plague this side of the Shire in years," Gandalf assured her, smiling at the people who warily crossed the road to avoid him and his stick. Helsinki eyeballed a man who coughed wetly up at her from where he was sitting in the mud against a building. His face was dotted with a red rash and his hands were covered in oozing sores, hanging limply over his bent knees. She skirted around him.

"Leprosy? Was that a leper? That's fucking airborne why is he sitting in the street?" Helsinki looked back at the man, alarmed and filled with a need to pull on a mask and gloves, and start him on a good course of multidrug therapy.

Gandalf shrugged and paused in a doorway, leaning around her to see the man. He looked down at Helsinki with twinkling eyes. "I was right about the kindness," he said. "Now, this town is as far as I take you. Inside, I have arranged to meet a dwarven aquaintance of mine who, seeing as you are mostly dwarf yourself as of this morning, should have no problem taking you to a dwarven village to live until that task I require you for comes up."

Helsinki gaped at him, the only words coming to mind were the very rude ones. "You're just going to offload me on some poor dwarf? Aren't you an asshole. Besides, I don't know how to be a dwarf! I barely believe that I am one," she protested, following him inside what turned out to be a dimly lit pub of sorts. It reeked of all sorts of gross things, including urine and mice among others.

"I am not offloading you, dear, simply finding you a home with your own people," replied Gandalf, nodding to the barkeep.

"My own people…" Scoffed Helsinki. "Humans are my people. Doctors and nurses are my people. Dwarves, Wizards, and Hobbits aren't my people," she muttered mutinously.

"Speaking of feet, best not to let anyone know about your…"

"My lack of? My singular case?" Helsinki offered, glaring at a hairy man who stared too long.

"Aptly put, yes. You would seem far too vulnerable here, and I didn't go through all that work for you to be hurt before I need you," Gandalf stopped to scan the tables, looking for his acquaintance, presumably.

"Charmed," said Helsinki, trying not to cause a scene. Her fists curled. "You know, Gandalf, you remind me of a thrush."

"How so?" asked Gandalf, moving between patrons towards the fireplace.

"You're an irritating cun-"

"Ah, Thorin!" Gandalf exclaimed, cutting Helsinki's insult off. "I hope we haven't kept you waiting long." Helsinki craned her neck to see beyond the wall of grey fabric in front of her.

"We?" a cultured baritone answered, the hint of indignation lingering pleasantly.

Gandalf coughed, "Well you see, I require someone else to come on your quest, for a task I can assign no other. I have found who I want and as she is a dwarf, I was hoping that you might make sure she is looked after, until we depart," said the wizard. Helsinki cocked an eyebrow.

"She? You have found a dam in your travels and now you wish for me to bring her on the quest?" the voice, definitely male, asked incredulously.

"Indeed, Master Oakenshield, I have. She is the only person I trust to complete this task and I believe she will be invaluable to the company. She has skills neither you nor I will find anywhere else, Thorin," he lowered his voice. Helsinki had to admit, the wizard was selling her quite well, he'd make a fine job reference.

There was a lengthy pause before Oakenshield spoke again. "Very well, where is this dam? I shall take her back to Ered Luin with me."

Gandalf twisted, looking for Helsinki who was now impatiently tapping her foot. "Ah, yes," he guided her to stand in front of him. "Thorin Oakenshield, this is Doctor Helsinki Alphecca."

Thorin Oakenshield, a dwarf, was not entirely what Helsinki was expecting. His hair was dark and hung loose over his shoulders, some strands braided and clipped with ornate silver clasps. His features were strong and large, a heavy brow over a regal nose, a short, dark beard making a hard jaw, and very blue eyes that reflected the light of the nearby fireplace. For as regal as he appeared, the moment he laid eyes on Helsinki he choked on his mouthful of ale and face planted the table with a heavy bang and the clunk of his clasps hitting the wood.

Helsinki turned back to Gandalf, unimpressed. "I'd rather stay with the leper."

Gandalf, on the other hand, was enthused, and beaming at the dwarf who was recovering and now very pink in the cheeks. "Well, I do believe my job of having you join us on the quest has suddenly become much easier," he said, clapping her shoulder.

"What quest?" Helsinki whirled around to ask, never having agreed to go on a quest, what a stupid idea. Amputees aren't good material for quests, she'd nearly died just walking over some hills a few hours ago. Then again, she hadn't agreed to come to Middle Earth, nor be turned into a dwarf, so perhaps her opinion didn't matter to Gandalf.

Who had conveniently disappeared before she even looked up to face him.

Helsinki turned back to the dwarf, who was regarding her over a mug of ale. His cheeks were still a bit pink. "What's this about a quest? I didn't even agree to come to this shithole with Gandalf, let alone go on some quest," she complained, taking a seat.

Thorin cleared his throat. "We can discuss the quest another time, I have final say in who will be going, not Gandalf," he told her rather sternly. "Did you say that you did not agree to accompany Gandalf to this pub tonight?"

Helsinki felt touched at the barest hint of concern in his still very stern voice. "Not exactly. He just keeps turning up and dragging me places without my consent, the bastard," she said. She offered her hand over the table. "Helsinki Alphecca."

Thorin looked at her offered hand oddly and twitched, like he couldn't decide on something. After a short moment, he jerkily stood from the table, and before Helsinki could retract her hand, wondering whether she'd offended him or asked for a fight, he had bowed low and gently, with hands twice the size of hers, brought his forehead to press against her palm.

His palm covered her own and he let her hand rest on his forehead for a moment. Helsinki glanced around the room, either for an escape route or someone to explain what was going on. Thorin said something in a language Helsinki didn't understand, it sounded Eastern European and rolled off his tongue in a deep baritone that she could feel in her sternum due to proximity.

He straightened and lowered her hand in both of his own, clasping them over his navy covered chest in what was some kind of formal greeting. "Thorin Oakenshield, at your service, Miss," he said.

Helsinki awkwardly smiled at him. "It's nice to meet you," she said. Thorin said nothing. "So… Gandalf said you're going to find me somewhere to live? I've never met a dwarf before," she filled the quiet.

Thorin blinked at her. "You have never met a dwarf? Where do you hail from?"

"Uhm… London?" Helsinki said, unsure of whether or not she was allowed to disclose her full background. If Gandalf hadn't abandoned her with a handsy stranger, she would have asked him what to do, but seeing as he had decided to fuck off and leave her at the mercy of the dwarf with the sword on his chair, she decided to be vague about it.

"I have not heard of such a place. What were your parent's names? Perhaps I have heard of them?" Thorin said.

Helsinki snorted. "I doubt it. Why don't you sit down?"

Thorin remained standing stiffly beside the table. "If you do not mind me saying, you have very rare features for a dwarf. Your hair alone may be enough to remind me of your parents, should I have met them or heard of them," he said.

Helsinki was confused. Were there so few dwarves or did Thorin really think he had a chance of knowing her non-existent dwarf parents? "Um, their names are… Aspen and Leopold Alphecca," she said.

Thorin frowned. "I have never heard of such odd names. Where is this London? Is it a village?"

"No it's more of a city, but it's years of travel away from here," Helsinki waved off his curiosity. "There's no dwarves there though, so you're the first I've met. Gandalf's been, he can explain everything much better."

"Forgive me, I was simply trying to… get to know you," he said. Thorin looked perplexed but let the topic go, and offered her a hand. "If we are to be in Ered Luin by the end of the week we should get on the road tonight, unless you want to stay here?"

"Absolutely not, this place is rancid," Helsinki took his hand and let him help her to his feet, trying to school the discomfort off of her face. She glared at the room around them as though it had personally offended her. "Lets go."

Thorin lead them from the pub into the street, where it was much darker and the leper was now asleep in the mud. "Please wait for me here, I must pay for my meal," Thorin told her. Helsinki cocked an eyebrow and nodded, casting her gaze over at the poorly man. While Thorin went back inside, Helsinki clutched her bag, staring over at the man who needed help.

She bit her lip and weighed up the consequences, plenty of which were unpleasant. But he is already living with them, she thought, a hand slipping into her bag where the hard cylinder of a pill bottle slipped into her palm. With one last look to see if Thorin was coming back, she walked carefully down the street to where the leper was lying.

The ten or so meters of distance made the difference in his condition, as he was no longer a lump in the mud but a person huddled under a thin blanket. His shoes were worn through and sympathy Helsinki hadn't felt in some months rushed through her. Not wanting to get too close, she nudged the man with the toe of her boot.

"Excuse me?" she asked softly.

The man coughed and sat up, snarling at her. "Whaddya' want you little piece? I'm sleeping here!" he glared at her.

Helsinki pulled off a piece of the bread Bilbo had packed for her and held it out, crouching down to the man's level. "Here," she said. "Sorry I haven't got any jam."

The man blinked at her, but snatched the bread from her outstretched hand. "You'll get sick, you've gotten close," he muttered, wolfing down the soft bread.

"Not close enough, and if you don't cough on me, I'll probably be okay," she told him. "You should cover your hands, I'm sure they get numb but the tissue will start to rot if you don't keep them clean and healthy as possible."

"How'd you know?" the man asked, drawing his blanket closer.

"I'm a doctor," she said. "I care for sick people."

"A healer?" he asked. "I haven't any money," he said defensively.

Helsinki held her hands up. "Don't worry, I didn't expect you to pay me," she said. The man opened his mouth to reply but was distracted, his eyes flickered to something behind her.

The blonde turned and was met with a burly chest and a leer. Two men, one tall and bald, the other more like a weasel than anything else, staring down at her with greedy smiles. Disgusting creeps. They're everywhere, apparently.

"What 'ave we got 'ere, Trott?" the big one asked.

"A pretty liddol prize, Mott," the small one replied with a nasty smile. Helsinki took a deep breath and blindly scrambled for one of her weapons in the bottom of her bag, while trying to keep a stiff smile on her face.

"Hello fellas, how can I help you?" Helsinki asked, feeling the handle of the breadknife she threatened Gandalf with brush her fingertips. She grabbed it before it got lost in the depths of her massive handbag again. With any luck she wouldn't be impaled on this one.

"I dunno, Miss, how about you c'mere and we," the big one leaned forward and brushed a filthy finger down her cheek. "'Ave some fun?"

Helsinki snapped her teeth together.

"Leave off, she's doin' no harm," the poor man on the ground said, trying to get to his feet.

Helsinki held out a hand and shook her head, telling him to stay where he was. He'd be useless regardless, but Helsinki didn't want to make him worse or risk him getting closer to her. She looked back at the pair. "Get fucked, you dirty little scumbags," she hissed, smacking the hand away from her face. It tangled in her hair.

"A fighter are ya? I like that," the big one said, leaning closer, using her loose hair to pull her chin up.

Helsinki spat at him. "Get off of me, you rancid sack of dick tips. And take your creepy fucking friend with you," she hissed at the weasley one lurking behind the larger one. She yanked her head from his grip, wincing when it pulled.

"Listen 'ere, girly," the big one began.

"Touch me again and I'll cut your arm off and ram it down his throat," she motioned to the smaller man.

"Wif what?" he taunted. "A hat pin?"

Helsinki pulled the breadknife out of her bag and jabbed forward, feeling it dig into flesh and pull. "I think this'll do fine," she spat, dragging the knife down while the man howled in pain. "Don't touch me again, or anyone else for that matter. They might catch your mange."

The small one darted for her as his friend screamed and held his heavily bleeding arm. Helsinki managed to bring the knife up in time to rap the man across the face with it, barely nicking the bridge of his nose with the cutting edge.

"You liddol whore!" he shrieked, raising an open palm. Helsinki moved back in alarm, right as Thorin appeared behind her.

"What is going on here?" he demanded, looking Helsinki over and finding nothing wrong, bar a few spots of blood. His eyes found the knife in her hand and traced it back to the man piteously crying in front of her.

"She belong to you? Keep her under control, she hurt my frien'," the small one said, cowed by the sword Thorin had drawn and held pointed in his direction.

"I doubt that was without cause," Thorin mildly replied.

"They were harassing her, Master Dwarf," the man by Helsinki's feet said. "Tried to grab her by the hair, probably drag her off."

Thorin looked at him appraisingly, then back to the men. "Best you get that seen to," he told them lowly.

"I don't like dwarf anyways," Weasel replied, making Thorin stiffen as he turned away.

"That's nice, because you'd be hard pressed to find a blind dog that liked you," Helsinki called after them, reasonably unshaken. "What with the mange and all!"

Thorin turned to her, gripping her arm to pull her to face him. "Are you unharmed?"

"I'm fine. Him on the other hand, I doubt will be using his fingers much longer," Helsinki replied. She should have been concerned, but there was a limit on her kindness as a doctor and being used by a pair of filthy, medieval pests didn't make the cut. Hard pass, really.

"Why did you not wait? Lower Falls is not safe even in daylight," Thorin growled out.

"I wanted to help this man," Helsinki gestured to the ill man in the mud. "Helping people is my job, and I couldn't leave him to starve."

Thorin's expression didn't soften. "Even so, as noble as your goal, it was not safe and had I not arrived-"

"The other one would have been castrated," Helsinki interjected.

"No, you would have been overpowered," Thorin slowly said, as though speaking with a child who ran into the street. The light of the pub behind him threw his face into darkness and Helsinki squinted to see his features. "That is not a risk you should have taken, armed or not. Now we must leave, our welcome is expired, I am sure."

Thorin made to lead her off somewhere, but Helsinki stood firm. "Let me say goodbye first," she admonished. Thorin watched as she knelt down to press some more bread into the sick man's hands. "Here. Try to make this piece last a little longer," she said.

"Thank you, Miss," the man croaked, tucking it away in a pocket. Helsinki smiled and rose, moving over to Thorin who sighed and dug into his own pocket. He tossed a single golden coin to the man, who looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Spend it well," Thorin instructed, taking Helsinki's arm and tugging her towards the town stables. "That was an admirable thing you did," he commented once they were some ways down the path.

"What? Shanking a man or giving the other one bread?" Helsinki asked.

"Feeding the ill man. He was very sick, most would not have touched him, even I would not have gotten so close," said Thorin.

Helsinki looked at him, washed in the moonlight. It shone on his beads, making the small gems sparkle and the etchings appear deep and hollow. "I help, that's what I do. What Gandalf needed me here for."


	4. Never Tell the Truth

**Thank you so much to everyone who commented on Chapter Three! RedBear5, Kelwtim2spar, durinsdaughter2469btw, and TomRiddlesTwin, you're all stunning and I love you. Enjoy this slice of travel life, I will be posting the next chapter shortly.**

**Make sure you've read chapter three, I posted it only a day or so after chapter two, so it might have been missed.**

**All rights to Peter Jackson, Tolkien, and Newline Cinema.**

Travelling with Thorin was very different from travelling with Gandalf. For one they weren't walking, they were sitting atop a tan pony named Dusty, and also, Helsinki was not fueled by a desire to set Thorin on fire. She was perched on the back of the pony with her arms wrapped around Thorin's armor-covered waist, her wrists lodging deeper into sharply ridged metal whenever Dusty started up an incline. An interesting thing Helsinki discovered early on in the pony riding, was that prosthetic legs were not made for horse riding, or at the very least, her own prosthetic leg was not made for horse riding.

Thorin had his feet in the stirrups, so Helsinki was left to awkwardly let her legs hang astride Dusty's surprisingly girthy belly. By chance and genetics, Helsinki's leg to torso ratio had remained the same when Gandalf had done his best to turn her into a dwarf, which meant that unlike Thorin, whose legs were barely longer than his torso, Helsinki's legs were long enough to hang off of the pony instead of stick out and off of it. This meant that even without access to the stirrups, Helsinki was managing to avoid having the socket of her leg chafe her upper thigh and make her more miserable and sore. They rode for a few hours into the night, rolling hills turning into shallower valleys and smooth rises. The trees were sparser and rustled loudly with the nighttime breeze.

Thorin was silent save for occasionally clearing his throat, which helped lull Helsinki into a doze with her head resting in between his shoulders. He wore a brown leather coat with a fur lined hood that made for a fantastic pillow when her face sunk into it in the very early hours of the morning. Her eyes slipped closed, bathed in the gentle scent of cedar and something a bit like lavender.

"Miss Alphecca," Thorin's deep voice roused her, rumbling through her from where her face was pushed into his hood and hair. Something warm was encapsulating her hands and that combined with her snuggly upper half, she wanted to go right back to sleep.

"Mm, what?" she mumbled, nuzzling deeper into her pillow.

"We are stopping here, you will need to get off the pony," Thorin patiently told her, the cold air abruptly rushing over her hands. Helsinki blinked her eyes open to see a lightening sky and a cluster of trees surrounding them. She yawned and pulled her hands from around Thorin's waist, flexing her fingers in the chilly morning air.

"Okay, you first," Helsinki yawned to Thorin, rubbing her eyes.

The dwarf cleared his throat. "You will need to dismount first, Miss Alphecca," he said.

"What? Why?" Helsinki asked, waking up some more. She wasn't sure she'd be able to push and twist herself off of the pony with her injury and her leg. It'd look really stupid if it fell off and she fell over in front of the dwarf who was more or less in charge of her safety and accomodation for the foreseeable future.

"I will need to swing myself off, Miss Alphecca, and I do not wish to accidentally kick you," he explained patiently, though he was surely thinking that she was a moron by this point.

Helsinki considered his words and found them accurate; she leaned around to have a look at the dwarf's boots which were menacingly metal reinforced and very heavy looking. "Right. Yes. I'll go first," she didn't have the stirrups to push herself up and off with, something that she hadn't anticipated being a problem right up until that moment. She wriggled, wondering how she was going to bring her leg around without dislocating something.

"Is everything alright, Miss Alphecca?" Thorin asked tiredly.

Helsinki grunted uncomfortably close to his ear, catching a whiff of cedar again as she leaned over his shoulders. "Sorry, I've got an injury and it's making this painful," she muttered, too focussed on solving her dilemma to notice Thorin's fists curl into the reins. His hair ghosted over her face as he craned his neck around to see her.

"You are hurt?" he inquired with concern. "You said that you were fine in Lower Falls."

"This is from before that," she dismissed. "Do you mind if I use your shoulders to help get me down?" If she could use Thorin's shoulders to push herself up, she might get enough leverage to swing her right leg around and off of Dusty.

"Of course, do as you must," Thorin agreed easily, turning back to the front after looking her over.

"Great, thanks!" Helsinki planted both hands on his shoulders, worming them under the wide hood to get a decent grip. "Ready?" Thorin nodded silently. Helsinki heaved herself up, bearing down on the dwarf's insanely broad shoulders until she was able to awkwardly edge her leg around, not without pulling a few muscles in her only good leg.

Slipping off the pony and dropping to the grassy ground, she looked around and waited for Thorin to do the same. "Thank you, Mr Oakenshield," she said. "You have lovely shoulders." This was true, Thorin had barely bent under her weight pushing him down, nor had he made a noise of complaint. Perhaps he was just very polite, but he also could be a total stud under the numerous layers Helsinki could see peeking out from under his coat. His face was lovely enough, and Helsinki's face flushed a little as her thoughts ventured to his shoulders and whatever else was hiding under the coat, and armour, and shirts.

Thorin was busy tying Dusty to a tree, hair obscuring his face, but he cleared his throat and replied. "It is no bother, Miss Alphecca."

"Well it was helpful anyways," she said, nudging her way behind Thorin to remove her bag from Dusty's back. Thorin was quick to move out of the way with his own bag, striding purposefully to the other side of the clearing and dumping his bag with a loud rattle. He kept his head down, searching through the pockets while Helsinki meandered over and dropped her bag into the grass.

"We will stay here until noon," Thorin said, pulling out a flint and some dry tinder. "Sleep some more if you wish, we will be safe this far from the road."

Helsinki nodded quietly, dumping out the vast contents of her bag, intending to take an inventory of the shit her mother had packed her out of paranoia. She caught Thorin's eye and smiled, scooping her hands through the grass to gather all of her crap together. "Don't worry, I'm not a junkie," she said, sorting through the medley of pill bottles and boxes.

Thorin just blinked at her with a deep frown carving up his forehead, silently going to look for some more wood. Helsinki watched him go bemusedly, a mini first aid kit held in a faintly trembling hand. She shrugged and unzipped it, riffling through the pockets until she found the iodine wipes and a fresh bandage.

Helsinki tugged up her borrowed shirt and held it under her chin, tearing open the wipe and flapping the packet until it came free. She probed the stitches with a careful hand, making sure they were tight and intact before swabbing them with the wipe. Thorin returned and made an audible noise of shock, Helsinki's eyes flying up to meet his from across the clearing.

With her shirt pulled up to reveal her bra and both hands stained orange while cupping a stitched wound, Helsinki could assure herself, she'd never felt sexier.

"It's fine," she blurted out, gesturing with her orange fingers. Thorin slowly put down an armload of branches while his eyes jumped around the clearing, cheeks looking a little bit red in the brightening light. "Actually, can you pass me that tube?" Helsinki nodded to the little white tube of cream that was stranded by her knee.

Thorin made an aborted noise in his throat, edging closer.

Helsinki watched him, a grin creeping up and onto her face. "You're not embarrassed about a little skin are you?" she snickered. Perhaps her ungainly appearance was actually sexy in Middle Earth?

The dwarf did turn redder, handing her the tube and retreating with an averted gaze. "It is indecent," he muttered to her, setting up the fire. "You are a lady."

"Nice spotting," Helsinki snorted, smearing a little bit of antibacterial cream onto her stitches and reapplying a bandage. The sharp sound of flint hitting steel reached her ears.

"Are you decent?" Thorin asked. Helsinki pulled her shirt down and sat back on her rear with a sigh.

"Sure, by Victorian standards," Helsinki rolled her eyes at the dwarf's prudishness.

That put a dent in her plans to find out what Thorin was hiding under his clothes.

Thorin finally looked back at her face, striking the flint. "You said in Lower Falls that you were not hurt," he said sternly. "Why did you lie? Are you okay?"

Helsinki waved him off, pawing through the mess around her. "It's from yesterday morning, I woke up with a stab wound."

"Someone stabbed you?!" Thorin's volume increased exponentially, a very thick stick shattering under his grip. Helsinki stared at the fragments of wood with a deeply curious mix of emotions and sensations running rampant through her. Some of it was fear and alarm, visualizing herself in the place of the poor stick, and some of it was more… warm and interested. Helsinki caught herself before she became too distracted.

She quirked an eyebrow at Thorin. "I've had the worst day, trust me," she said, patting her stitches through her shirt.

Thorin raised an eyebrow back at her, very regally, Helsinki thought. "You were stabbed?" he asked again, voice firm and demanding an answer.

Helsinki sat back and swallowed. Gandalf had told her not to be forthcoming about her true identity and past, but then again, Gandalf had also abducted her and stabbed her, so his directions may not have been in her best interests. She plucked her plaid shirt from the pile of belongings strewn around her in the grass and worried at a loose thread. She cast a glance up at Thorin, who remained kneeling in front of the fire, watching her closely.

She slumped back, arranging herself comfortably. "Gandalf didn't want me to tell you, and I tend to disagree with him on everything, so I'll level with you," she eventually decided. Thorin opened his mouth to say something but Helsinki was quick to keep talking. "It means to tell you the truth, but you need to hear me out. I wasn't a dwarf until yesterday morning," she said. "I didn't even live in Middle Earth. I was - am - human, I suppose you'd call them Men here or something like that," Helsinki checked that Thorin was listening, and he nodded slowly at her, encouraging her to continue. "The place I lived is so far away that I don't even know how I got here. I went out for dinner with my brother, and then I met Gandalf outside my home. He didn't say much, but he was really creepy about it, and then I woke up in the Shire with a knife through my side," Helsinki shrugged to herself, melancholy rolling over her like gloomy clouds.

"Gandalf stabbed you?" Thorin asked, fixated on that aspect of a story with more points than just that.

"I suppose, I remember pulling it out to defend myself, and then I woke up with it in me. Other than Gandalf, I don't know who could have done it," Helsinki angrily ground out. "I fixed myself up and some Hobbits looked after me for a bit, until Gandalf came along and told me that I wasn't dreaming. He chose me for some task, he took me from my world, my home, my family, and he won't send me back until I've completed some task that he thinks I'm best suited for," Helsinki bitterly spat, angry tears beading in her eyes and a fistful of shredded grass resting in her lap.

Thorin regarded her, something he kept doing and was quite good at, Helsinki thought. "What is the task?" He asked.

"I don't know. That's why he's pawned me off on you; I'm not needed for whatever it is yet," she sniffed. "That and the fact that I'm apparently a dwarf now. I didn't even know they existed until that prick of a wizard told me that he'd turned me into one," Helsinki muttered.

"An interesting tale you tell, Miss Alphecca. A woman of man from another world being turned into a dwarf and brought here… quite a story," Thorin said loftily.

"Believe it or not, I'll be sticking to it because it's the truth, and I said that I would tell you the truth because Gandalf told me not to," Helsinki snapped. "I'm still not entirely sure I'm not hallucinating this entire fucking world because wizards, hobbits, and dwarves aren't real!"

Thorin puffed up like an offended chicken. "I am not a hallucination, I am entirely real," he snapped back.

"That's exactly what a hallucination would say," Helsinki barked back. Thorin moved to answer her, incensed, but Helsinki held up a hand. "Shut it, I don't want to hear it. I want to go through my things and work out what the actual fuck I'm doing right now."

When Thorin remained silent, Helsinki took a deep breath and shuffled through her items, knowing well that some of them were more valuable to her than anything else at that moment. She rolled up her damp clothing from home and set it to the side, and turned her attention to the prescriptions recently filled by her pharmacy. A box of paracetamol and a large bottle of vicodin were wrapped in one paper bag, and the other bag contained three month refills for her daily epilepsy medication. _Lamotrigine, 25mg, to be taken twice daily for epilepsy_, the little label read. Helsinki set it aside, figuring that it would last longer if she took only one dose each day instead, with the bonus of probably not having a grand mal and dying quite so soon into her stay in Middle Earth. A further packet contained a box of low-dose fentanyl patches, the best treatment for her pain when the vicodin wasn't working.

The red lipstick was added to a small but thoughtful bag of toiletries her mother had packed for her; a travel pack of tissues, hand sanitizer, a tube of those tablet sized wipes that expand in water, roll on deodorant and a tiny bottle of tester perfume, and a strange collection of airline toothpastes but no toothbrush. Digging deeper into the pockets lining her bag, Helsinki unearthed a handful of tampons and more paracetamol, and a very crumpled pair of underwear sharing a box of bandaids.

Right as Helsinki was about to zip that pocket back up, Helsinki's fingers brushed a thin edge of something flimsy, and she pulled out a small photograph of her family. It had been taken the previous Christmas, at her father's parents home in Scotland. Her grandfather and grandmother sat either side of Sebastian and Pawel, with Helsinki grinning in the middle. Her father and mother were standing behind them, the former holding up the family spaniel, fondly named Custard. She smiled sadly down at the photo, before carefully returning it to it's pocket.

Repacking her bag did not take long, the clothes went to the bottom, then a half full water bottle and the two mostly smashed muesli bars she'd found roaming a large side pocket. Her small first aid kit was shoved down the side, the even smaller suture kit joining it swiftly. On top sat the wrapped package from Bilbo Baggins, a small pot of jam, a hefty loaf of bread, and some friendly 'never come back' biscuits bound in string. The telescopic baton, Helsinki tucked into an outside pocket so she could grab it faster, after her dealings in Lower Falls she decided that she would rather not have to go searching through Narnia for a weapon. The two knives, one still covered in her own blood she left out, hoping to be able to wash them before putting them away.

The final pocket, the largest on the outside of the bag she lingered over, already acquainted with the contents. At least two small, plastic vials of midazolam, packaged syringes with nasal caps, and probably another pair of underwear. Helsinki had carried these items with her since she was old enough to be in charge of her own bag; the emergency medication in case she had a large seizure. It had been over a year since she had last had one large enough to require medicating, usually they were smaller or short, and most of the time she had some warning before the onset. She left the pocket unchecked, unwilling to risk planting the seed of worry in her mind. If she was lucky she could be home, task completed, before she ran out of her medications. If she was unlucky, well, she supposed she should find someone and brief them on how to help her if she abruptly starts seizing.

Helsinki sat back and nibbled on a piece of her bread, feeling somewhat comforted by the contents of her bag, most of which had clearly been carefully packed by her mother. And she'd always told her mum that she worried too much; now look at her. Stabbed and stranded in another world.

"Being chosen for a task by a wizard is no small feat."

Helsinki's head shot up, not having expected to hear from Thorin until they left. "But it is a shit one when it's not something you knew was happening or agreed to," Helsinki pointed out quietly.

"Indeed," Thorin said after a pause. "Gandalf can be…"

"A bastard? A wanker? A real pain up the arse?" Helsinki offered hopefully.

The tiniest of smiles broke out on Thorin's stern features. "Insufferable at times, but I would trust that he knows what he is doing. If he says that he will send you home once his task is completed, I should expect that he will honor his word."

"You believe me then?"

The dark haired dwarf nodded to her bag. "The contents of your bag, most of which I have never seen before is… somewhat undeniable. If it is not proof of at least some of your tale, I do not know what is," he told her.

Helsinki bobbed her head in acknowledgement, trying to wipe off the dried blood from the breadknife in the grass. "His word means nothing to me. He stabbed me, turned me into a dwarf, and left me in a forest," Helsinki turned away from the dwarf, the real one. "I don't want to be forced into some task to get sent home, I shouldn't even be here. Gandalf should have chosen someone who wanted to come to another world."

The long grass rustled as Thorin moved through it, coming closer to the blonde sitting in a puddle of her own belongings. He offered her his hand again, decorated in lots of heavy, embellished rings. Whether he was just blingy or all dwarves were into jewellery, Helsinki would have to task. She accepted the hand and let herself be pulled to her feet.

"Sometimes we have to do things we do not want to. Be glad that you were chosen for your task, it means Gandalf has faith in you to complete it," Thorin said.

Helsinki looked up at him sceptically, tracing the line of his nose with green eyes. "He can have all the faith in me he wants, I'm the one having to do the fucking task. Whatever it might be…"

* * *

A nap and food sometime later, Thorin was strapping their crap back to Dusty while Helsinki tried to do her business in the trees nearby. Tried being a keyword. Squatting with a prosthesis is awkward enough as is, but when your muscles are sore from tramping and horse-riding and the paranoia of peeing in the wild sets in, toileting oneself becomes an olympic task.

"Right, that's it, I'll just piss myself," Helsinki muttered, jerking her pants up and marching out of the bushes.

Thorin bemusedly watched her swan past, offering a hand to help her mount Dusty. "Miss Alphecca," he indicated.

"Fine, but I'm driving," Helsinki said, taking the hand and hopping closer until she had situated her foot in the stirrup and was able to launch herself up.

"Can you ride?" Thorin asked mildly, waiting for Helsinki to situate herself before mounting the pony himself.

"I have, when I was younger," Helsinki said. '_And when I had two legs_,' she added mentally.

Thorin reached around her, sitting as far back in the saddle as he could while Helsinki commandeered the very front. "Then I shall steer, and you shall look out," he said.

Helsinki removed her feet from the stirrups so that Thorin could have them, embarrassingly having to use her hands to maneuver her prosthetic out. The dwarf shuffled forward in order to reach the stirrups and lax the reins some.

The blonde was unprepared when he clicked in her ear and Dusty jolted forward, rolling into his gait and back towards the road. The movement dislodged Helsinki from her spot high on the saddle and she slid backwards on the leather until she met Thorin in the middle and his hand came to catch her waist as she collided with him.

"Sorry," she muttered. "I can-"

"It is fine, best be comfortable. We ride hard into the Tower Hills today. By tomorrow morn we should be near the Grey Havens and will head south towards _Khagal'abbad,_ my home." His voice was close to her ear, warm breath brushing over her neck and the shell of her ear rather sensuously.

Helsinki snorted with a shiver. '_Ride hard, I bet_,' she cackled to herself, only to swear and grip the horn of the saddle with white knuckles as Thorin nudged Dusty into a trot without warning. Within ten minutes of that pace, the blonde could feel her teeth being shaken loose as she was jostled heavily. She had no stirrups to move with the pony, and she could only shift by pushing up on the horn of the saddle for so long before her molars ate their way out of her mouth unintentionally. Dusty started a shallow climb and Helsinki slid further backwards into Thorin's warm grip.

Thorin, the lucky bastard, had control of the stirrups, so while he was mostly holding Helsinki steady against his chest, he was also riding through Dusty's gait and rubbing against the woman's back as he moved. As sexy as that sounds, it was sorely lacking in the passion department as the friction was causing some discomfort for Helsinki. The terrain levelled and Helsinki gratefully unclenched her jaw, still subject to armour pushing through her thin shirt at her back.

"What are you wearing, a fucking cheese grater?" Helsinki groaned, twisting an arm back to wedge in between them and rub at her sore back.

Thorin startled and shoved backwards, releasing Helsinki's waist as though she was on fire. "I am sorry, Miss Alphecca. I did not realise-"

"That was obvious," Helsinki muttered. "It's fine, I'll just work out something to maybe pad my back…" she shuffled about, unwittingly pressing right back into Thorin's embrace as she rummaged through a saddle bag in search of something that could work as a buffer. She bend forward, and Thorin awkwardly tried to shuffle back further, clearing his throat nervously. "Aha!" Helsinki pulled a length of dark fabric from the saddle bag containing Thorin's basic travel supplies. She held it up, blocking the road from view. "What is it?"

"It is a travel cloak, my lady," Thorin said stiffly. "It will suit your needs, if you put it on."

Helsinki hummed, turning the fabric to suss out how to wear it. A large hand came up to gently push her arm down so that Thorin could see the road. "Oh, sorry. I've never worn a cloak before, where I'm from we wear jackets," she apologised. A sigh rumbled behind her and the reins dropped into her lap. The cloak was tugged from her grip and flourished quickly around her shoulders, tucked between them snugly and pulled closed at the front with firm hands. They lingered around her throat, fumbling with the heavy silver clasp with twitching fingers. Helsinki swallowed down her pulse, shallowly letting out a rattling breath as the clasp fell closed and the hands quickly withdrew back to the reins.

"Thank you," she said, disguising her breathlessness as best as she could. "And call me Helsinki, please. We're stuck together for the time being, might as well be casual about it," she added.

Thorin was silent in debate for a moment. "Very well, if you insist, Miss Helsinki," he conceded. "You may call me Thorin."

"Alright then Thorin," said Helsinki, deciding to ignore the title left tacked to her name in favour of breezing over his. "What do you do for a living?"

"I am a blacksmith by trade," Thorin replied. "But I have fought in many battles and am a skilled warrior also."

Helsinki felt the wind scorch her eyeballs as they nearly fell out of her head. "What do you mean a warrior? Is this place dangerous?" For the first time, her lack of safety in this new environment sunk in like a stone, sending out ripples of alarm.

"We are in the wilds, Miss Helsinki, there will always be danger," Thorin mildly replied. "I will not let any harm come to you, however, so you needn't worry."

"Of course I'm going to worry, I'm practically bait!" Helsinki nearly shrieked, curling back into the cloak. This place was probably infested with bears or wolves or something even worse this strange new world had cooked up. She eyed the hills around them warily, feeling quite vulnerable. Her thigh twinged painfully as Dusty tripped, reminding her of just how vulnerable she was; running wasn't something she was very good at.

"You handled those men in Lower Falls well enough," Thorin pointed out.

Helsinki scoffed. "That was in a town, I knew someone would help me. And a couple of creeps I can handle, something wild is another story…"

"You have a lot of faith in the race of men," Thorin said in a curious tone of voice.

"Should I not?" Helsinki asked. "I lived in a place where there is only men. Like I said, I only learned of dwarves being real yesterday."

"You are a dwarf now, Miss Helsinki," said Thorin. "A rather… unique looking one by all standards, but a dwarf nonetheless and others can tell. The race of men will no longer help you, even if they would have before you came here."

Helsinki pondered his words, rubbing her thumb over the flip knife in the pocket of her borrowed shirt. She frowned, comprehending his words. "Are you calling me ugly?"

"No! No, Miss Alphecca," Thorin spluttered. "I simply meant that your features are not common among dwarrow."

"I'm a freak? Gandalf turns me into a dwarf and doesn't even make me a good one? Goddamnit," Helsinki grumbled. "What's so wrong about me then?"

"It is not wrong," Thorin soothed awkwardly. "Just different. Your hair, for one, is a colour I have never seen. Like molten gold, right as it is poured from the furnace."

"It's called strawberry blonde back home. Like a mix of ginger and blonde," Helsinki mused to him.

"And your features, they are… delicate. Quite small, for a dwarf. Like your hands and frame," Thorin continued. Helsinki peered at her hands, thinking they looked normal as ever. She patted her nose. "Most dwarrow have larger hands, and heavier features than your own. We are a crafting people, miners and builders. It is said that we were carved from stone by our maker," explained Thorin.

"So if you're made from stone, I'm probably made of cake, or pastry, something softer," Helsinki amusedly said.

A rumbled chuckle vibrated against her spine. "I wouldn't say something so soft," Thorin said in good humour. "You are quite prickly, glass perhaps?"

"I'll show you prickly," Helsinki threatened, jabbing an elbow backwards and soon squawking in pain. "Ow fuck!"

"Are you always so crass?" Thorin asked her, not sounding like he minded her colourful vernacular.

Helsinki rubbed at her smarting elbow. "Yes."

* * *

They had rode on for another hour or so in friendly silence before Thorin broke it. "You asked of my profession but I did not inquire of yours. Do you work, Miss Helsinki?"

"Just Helsinki," Helsinki answered. "And I was a doctor, before I came here. A healer to you, I suppose," she said.

She felt Thorin nod behind her. "A noble profession, though not a common one for dams or women of men."

"Yeah well it's plenty common where I'm from. I worked my arse off to get where I was too. Eight fucking years of studying and it's gone, like that," she snapped her fingers irritably, feeling a terrible prickly sensation behind her eyes.

"You had to study for eight years to be a healer? Was your mentor particularly harsh?" Thorin asked.

Helsinki quietly sniffed. "Sure some of them were, but they had to be. And it wasn't just me they were teaching, I was in classes of over fifty at some point," her voice wobbled. "But at some point students quit or move to work at different places while studying. I was lucky, I got into a good program at a good school, and then a job at the hospital there while I was in training. I was working towards a specialty," Helsinki recounted. Her university had a great medical program and took her all the way through her residency until she was ready to practice on her own two feet. Sure, she hadn't had much time for friends and the like, but she had life plans and they involved neonatology and working abroad for a time, so studying and working as hard as she could were the only things on the cards for Helsinki. Until she got sick, that is.

"You were going to have a healing specialty? I have never heard of such a thing; most healers simply do what they can and learn what they cannot," Thorin said, oblivious to Helsinki's inner turmoil.

She cleared her throat. "Oh, yeah. I wanted to keep training to be a neonatologist. A healer that works specifically with very young babies," she clarified.

She felt Thorin tense behind her, guiding Dusty over the crest of a hill to view the sun beginning it's descent. "You like children?" he asked, in an odd tone of voice.

Helsinki cast a look over her shoulder at the dwarf, who was determinedly staring out towards the west. "I like very young children, who don't argue with me," she answered, familiar with the question after being asked it so many times. "I find babies interesting; they're developing so fast from the moment of conception it's like trying to read a book that's still being written," she marvelled mostly to herself. Her favourite time during residency had been working in paediatrics and on the maternity ward. Nothing else compared to the kind of medicine needed to bring life into the world, or care for the littlest person in the hospital.

"So you would be working as a midwife?" asked Thorin after a moment, pulling Helsinki from her thoughts.

"Not quite. I would work with midwives sometimes, but my job would be primarily with babies who have already been born but are sick or premature," Helsinki said.

"We do not have many of those," Thorin quietly said, clearly thinking over her words. Helsinki understood completely and sympathized, catching herself hoping she would be able to change that in whatever place Thorin lived in.

She reached forward and rested her hand on his larger one where it gripped the reins loosely. "If you would like, I would be happy to work as a doctor wherever it is we're going. Just point me to whoever is in charge of that sort of thing," she said. How the hell this place worked in terms of leaders and communities was going to be a shock, she was sure. Lower Falls sure looked like democracy was out and some feudal leader was taxing the poor overtime.

"That is a kind offer, but dwarrow are slow to reproduce. We have less than five births in a year in _Khagal'abbad_," Thorin explained, reminding Helsinki of her position as a newcomer to an entire race.

"Only five?" she was shocked. Slow to reproduce was one thing, but five births in a year was so low it was a miracle she was speaking to a dwarf at all.

Thorin hummed. "Indeed. And our population is around two thirds male so dwarrowdams are few and far in between. Some do not marry, some like their work too much, and most who do have a family do not have more than two or three dwarflings."

Helsinki giggled despite herself. "Dwarflings? Like ducklings?" she asked.

Thorin huffed at her, either in disapproval or amusement, Helsinki couldn't tell. "Dwarflings, baby-dwarfs; you have much to learn about who your people are now."

"You'll just have to teach me then, so I don't make an arse of myself while I'm waiting for Gandalf to summon me for his task," Helsinki said. The sun had dipped to touch the tops of distant trees, leaking over them in orange and yellow.

Thorin pulled on the reins until Dusty had shifted right and was plodding towards a murky mountain range, too far away to be anything more than a jagged shadow looming ahead. "That is _Khagal'abbad_, the Blue Mountains in the common tongue. I live in a settlement there, a prosperous mining community," Thorin told her.

"In the mountains?" Helsinki asked, craning her neck to see them better.

"Indeed, we dwarves are a mining people, after all," said Thorin. "Mining the stone we came from."

"Is that the mountain range you came from then?" Helsinki joked, preparing to comment on the broadness of Thorin's shoulders and the span of the mountains.

"No," Thorin's voice was dropped and solemn. "I was forced to flee my home some time ago, with my people. We settled here after years of wandering."

"I… I am sorry," Helsinki softly said. "Losing a home, it hurts." She'd fucking know, it was still freshly bleeding that wound.

Thorin bowed his head in acknowledgement. "You needn't apologise, as I said it was some time ago. And we have since built ourselves back up and forged a new home in _Khagal'abbad_ Dwarrow are strong, Miss Helsinki. You will find a home in _Khagal'abbad_ too, until Gandalf sends you back to yours," Thorin rumbled kindly.

Helsinki swallowed, touched. Her entire life felt like it was being spun in a washing machine, swirling around her and flying away before she could rescue bits of it. A new world, a new race, and she hadn't even wanted to think about where she was going to live, and make a life for herself until she could get home. And here, Thorin had simply taken one worry from her and disposed of it.

"Is there someone I need to speak to about living in Kaggal-Abbad? A leader or lord or something?" she warbled while trying to keep her emotion deep down where it belonged. "This is all new to me, bureaucracy back home was convoluted but I lived there long enough to work most of it out."

Thorin, who was raised to be polite, particularly to women, kindly ignored her destruction of his sacred language. "Dwarves are divided by clans, and within them there are nobility, some of whom control land or settlements. We have a King, though without a sign of divine right to rule, there are currently some tensions and disagreements between the clans and something of a lack of hierarchy as it is," Thorin explained simply in such a way Helsinki wished her high school history teacher could take notes. She mused over the words and hoped she wouldn't have to meet anyone high up, at least not more than once. She hadn't tried to curtsey with her prosthetic, but she wasn't sure she'd be able to hide it well if she had to start bobbing and twirling for some ruling class.

They fell silent as the sun set, Thorin steering Dusty off of the winding road and towards the distant treeline. His body shielded Helsinki from most of the gusts of cold wind that funnelled through the rising hills like riptides. She pulled the cloak tighter around herself and tucked the hood around her neck snugly.

**If there is a particular aspect of Dwarven culture you want me to add, a scene you liked from the original, or simply an idea you think you would like to see, let me know and I'll get back to you! This story is mostly mapped out, well past the Battle of the Five Armies, so feel free to offer up concepts or ideas you want to see more of in the fandom! I also like answering questions about this story and Helsinki, so if something confused you, let me know and I'll answer!**

**Khuzdul is from Lotro-Wiki, Khaggal'abad meaning Blue Mountains (Ered Luin). **

**A.K.**


	5. Never Stargaze with a Dwarf

**Welcome to eight and a half thousand words of emotional constipation and travel. Please enjoy and let me know if there is something you want to see, particularly in upcoming chapters which need some padding. Anything domestic, filling, or fluffy, let me know and I will get back to you, I promise!**

**Thanks to the stunning **_**A5mia**_**, perfect **_**Priya**_**, the lovely **_**Kelwtim2spar**_**, the gorgeous **_**lullabydono**_**, the fantastic **_**TomRiddlesTwin**_**, and the amazing **_**azaneti**_** for commenting! **

It is a well regarded fact in various universes that bad things always happen on Wednesdays. That is not to say that bad things only happen on Wednesdays as bad things such as running out of jam or being caught in tax fraud can happen on any day of the week; what it does mean is that disproportionately, Wednesdays contain the most bad things and thus you are more likely to run out of jam or be discovered of committing tax fraud on a Wednesday, as opposed to say a Friday where bad things are less likely to happen.

Helsinki, as an intelligent being, was well acquainted with the failures of Wednesdays, notably having had to sit through an awkward dinner with her brother's in laws, have her left leg amputated, and participate in her own birth on a Wednesday night in April. Recently, bad things had happened to her on all days of the week; she was abducted by a wizard on Monday, woke up in a new world on Tuesday, and now Wednesday was living up to it's inordinate ability to ruin an entire week.

The sun had set some hours ago and the moon was waning into a thin sliver, casting the hills into deep shadow. The wind had picked up, funnelling through the valleys and grass and whipping up Thorin's hair so it kept finding its way into Helsinki's mouth and eyes. She spat out another clump of it subtly, feeling sure that the dwarf wouldn't appreciate her grazing on his hair. Pulling more strands from her mouth in disgust, Helsinki froze when a loud rustle reached her ears. Behind her, Thorin sat up taller, letting go of the reins to reach for his sword.

Helsinki tucked a hand in her pocket, securing the flip knife in her grip and thumbing the trigger button. Even in the dark, she was able to see quite clearly, making out even the shape of the distant mountains without much trouble. A cluster of bushes nearby rustled again, too loudly and deliberately for it to be a small animal. Her breath caught in her throat, joining her heart which was roaring in her ears, just like it had been on Monday night in the alley.

It should here be noted that Monday's are the second most likely day for bad things to occur on.

Thorin's warmth increased as he leaned forward to speak into her ear, his hair draping over her shoulder like spilled ink. "Stay here, I will investigate. Take Dusty and go if I tell you to," he breathed.

Helsinki nodded slowly, eyes trained on the underbrush. Thorin's earlier words about being in the wilds rang in her head as he slipped off of the pony, and she shivered, not only from the chilly wind. Suddenly exposed and feeling like a target, sitting on top of a pony, Helsinki slid down in the saddle, nervously looking around for rabid wolves or some new mythical creature that this ass-backwards world had cooked up. Knowing her luck and the fact that it was a Wednesday, they were probably being hunted by some beast that could turn it's prey's blood into yoghurt before devouring them whole.

Fear is an interesting thing, as it's reactions tend to be divided into two. According to most psychologists, you either run, or fight. Most people take flight and run, probably because it has a better success rate, particularly where Helsinki comes from. The split between conscious cowardice and moronic bravery is more even in Middle Earth due to the large amount of dangers present; in Thorin's case, he was a fighter for the most part and would only run if he knew that staying put would result in his death. What goes commonly unsaid in psychology classes is that there is a third option, the option that Helsinki tends to take.

Mouthing off from a safe distance. The effective middle ground of brave cowardice.

"Who is there? Show yourself!" Thorin demanded, wielding his sword like a pro. It was a large and heavy looking thing, with angular design and runes etched down the middle, like something out of a fantasy video game. Personally, Helsinki felt that if she was confronted by a short man with a massive sword she'd probably do what he said as obeying people with weapons better than your own tends to be a good rule to follow.

Apparently the creature stalking them felt the same, as he limped out of the bushes looking like he'd just hauled himself out of a tar pit. A weedy and scraggly man, Helsinki wasn't sure she'd ever seen anything so pathetic attempting to threaten them with a bow and arrow.

She scrunched her nose up as a rancid stench reached her, blown from behind the man. He smiled with cracked brown teeth. "Evening, master dwarf, lady dwarf," he inclined his head while keeping the arrow pulled impressively taut. Helsinki looked him over, spotting an oozing gash on his right shin.

"Speak your business, Man," Thorin grumbled at him, unbothered by the arrow pointed at him.

"I've lost m'men to a pick of orcs," the man drawled. "I'll be needin' your supplies and pony, if ye don't mind,'' his sick smile widened.

Helsinki peered closer and made out a sheen of sweat on his brow and noticed the arrow beginning to tremble in the bow. She snorted, drawing attention to herself many people would advise was unadvisable. "Get fucked," she said.

Thorin clenched his jaw and Helsinki felt a touch guilty for causing it, but she'd never shied away from an argument before, weapon or not. "She means to tell you no," Thorin clarified, sword nudging the tip of the arrow.

The man looked between them, a nasty glint in his eyes. He swung the bow around until it was aimed at Helsinki, who shifted in the saddle warily, her little flip knife paling next to a pulled bow and arrow. "I guess I'll be takin' yer litt'le wife too then, Master dwarf, and your supplies and pony, of course," he said.

Thorin drew himself up and into a battle ready stance, prepared to bring his sword down. He stepped forward, freezing when Helsinki spoke again. "I think the fuck not, now piss off. That leg of yours is bad, I'd wager it won't see another sunrise… same as you," she remarked. "If you can stop trembling in fatigue from that fever of yours enough to shoot me, I'd be very impressed."

The man lowered his bow, elbows buckling inwards not two seconds after Helsinki's assessment. Thorin kept his sword raised, glancing between the raggedy man and the blonde dam sitting up on the pony. Now that she had pointed it out, Thorin could see the beads of sweat and the vapid pallor. Combined with the tar-like blood and the stench of decay, Thorin would wager that the man was telling the truth and had recently had a nasty run in with orcs.

"The orcs attacked in the night. I have nothin'. Your wife can help me, she'd be worth a pretty sum, nice as she is," the man leered at Thorin, leaning on his bow to regain strength. Helsinki glared down at him, thoroughly unimpressed.

"You will leave us," Thorin commanded, jabbing the sword forwards in a threat. The man jerked backwards but was undeterred.

"You give me your supplies, or you give me your wife. I'll let you keep the pony," he bargained, redrawing the bow and levelling it at Thorin. At such a short distance, the likelihood of him missing was far lower, though to Thorin's credit, he didn't so much as flinch. Helsinki spied a heavy piece of oaken wood tied to one of the saddle bags, carved with ornate patterns like Thorin's clothing and sword, with some sort of fastening almost like a shield.

"You will not have her," said Thorin intensely, head dipped like a predator surveying prey. His eyes were trained upwards, glaring at the man.

"You'll give me something, dwarf, or you'll regret it. I always heard dwarves travel with gems and coins, why not lend me some of that and I'll be on my way," the man said.

Helsinki's hand automatically went to the pendant resting on her collar, a gift from her parents when she turned seventeen. She tugged it under the shirt, so that it was hidden from view.

"You will have nothing!" Thorin scorned, preparing to swing his sword and remove the man's head from his neck.

"Oh my god! What the fuck is that?!" Helsinki shrieked out of the blue, flailing in the saddle in fear and staring in horror at something behind the man. The man spun in terror, losing his grip on the arrow as he went, while Thorin stepped out around him to see what had frightened Helsinki so badly.

His excellent dwarven vision found nothing in the darkness, so while the man was occupied with staring at the treeline, Thorin questioningly turned to Helsinki, who tossed him his shield.

"Knock him out," she mouthed as clearly as possible. The poor man looked like he'd be dead in a week regardless of what they did to him, so he might as well get a peaceful night's sleep out of the encounter.

Thorin nodded, though he assumed it was because killing people in front of ladies was frowned upon in all cultures. Shows of strength were fine, but murder wasn't particularly attractive nor polite. He raised his shield and deftly smacked the man around the head with it, making a short and dull thump followed by a louder one as the man crumpled in place.

He mounted Dusty again, keeping his shield on his belt for assurance this time. Helsinki gazed at the man as Thorin prodded Dusty into a walk. "If a reprobate gets knocked out in a forest, but there's no one around to see you do it, did it really happen?" she mused.

Thorin didn't reply.

He was silent for the next two hours.

The stars were bright over the grassy clearing they stopped in, so bright that Helsinki had to stop and stare up at them once she'd gracefully flopped off of Dusty. Unlike her home in London, these stars were brilliant little bulbs, scattered like glitter over an inky velvet blanket. Helsinki could remember the last time she'd seen the stars so clearly, last summer when she'd stayed at her grandparents farm in Scotland. Pawel and his wife and son had flown in for a holiday and Helsinki and Sebastian, with his wife and kids had driven up to join everyone for a few days. Like they had as children, the three siblings had snuck out the bedroom window to sit on the roof and watch the stars for a while.

As children, Helsinki, Sebastian, and Pawel were very close, they shared a bedroom at their grandparents farm and were largely inseparable for the first five years of schooling. Even once studying and out on their own, they kept in close contact. When Pawel had married his wife Theodora, Sebastian had been best man and Helsinki took up a position as a groom's man, blending in tastefully with a navy dress to match her brother's suits. The same arrangement had happened with Sebastian's wedding, though the bride's mother had been beyond horrified at there being a female groom's man and had yet to stop bringing up at family events.

Dropping her bag into the grass, Helsinki lowered herself after it and nestled herself in the damp greenery. The long grass mostly concealed her from view, directing her eyes up to the stars that were perfectly framed by trees. Helsinki, in spite of her numerous nighttime stargazing expeditions with her brothers, had never been much of an astronomer. Or astrologer, whichever one it was the papers didn't bother with.

There was only ever one constellation she was capable of finding unaided, the one her family took their name after. Corona Borealis, or the Northern Crown was nothing stunning or easy to pick out, but in Arabic it is called Alphecca, the official name given to the brightest star, or the alpha star. In Arabic, the constellation itself is called Alphecca, meaning broken up, due to the appearance of the stars resembling a loose string of jewels.

Her paternal grandfather had moved from Poland to Scotland as a teenager not long after the Second World War, and in an attempt to draw less attention as a lone young foreign man living in rural Scotland, had changed his name from Krakowski to Alphecca.

For obvious reasons this did not help the family blend in in the slightest, but Helsinki's grandfather Pawel had never been very good at blending in.

Helsinki smiled up at the stars, Alphecca in particular. She played with the pendant around her neck.

"Jesus fuck!" she blinked and then Thorin's face was leaning over her, hands clasped behind his back primly. "Don't scare me, man, if I shit myself I'll make it your problem," she muttered.

Thorin ignored her. "What are you doing, Miss Helsinki? I have a fire lit over there, it will be much warmer than lying in the grass," he said.

"Just Helsinki," she corrected. "To be technically correct it's _Doctor_ Helsinki actually, but just Helsinki will do."

"I do recall the Wizard introducing you as such when we met," Thorin mused. "Is it a title from your home?"

"It is, I earned it through my studies to become a healer. The equivalent would be calling me Healer Helsinki or Healer Alphecca instead of Miss," she answered.

Thorin considered this briefly and nodded to her. "You did not answer my question, Doctor Helsinki," he rumbled.

"Remind me," she murmured, closing her eyes so the intense eye contact Thorin liked was broken.

"Why are you lying in the cold grass? I have lit a fire," Thorin repeated.

"I," Helsinki reached up to rearrange the hood of the cloak she still wore, "am stargazing. I'm not very good, but I like it," she said.

Thorin cracked a small smile, softening around the eyes a bit. It was attractive, Helsinki thought, flitting her eyes back to the stars instead of tracing the lines around the dwarf's features. "You can always get better," he suggested gamely.

"I suppose, though I can't even tell if these stars are the same ones as back home. Even then, I haven't done this in a good while," she admitted. "It's hard to see the stars where I live. These ones are so bright and pretty."

Thorin sat down in the grass beside her, thick coat splaying out around him in a dark puddle of leather. A wash of cedar and lavender floated over Helsinki, who closed her eyes again. "I know of some constellations, Doctor Helsinki. I can show you them, if you are amenable."

Helsinki held up a hand. "First off, just call me Helsinki. I've bitched about the Wizard to you enough and we've been mistaken for a married couple; I think you can call me by my name," she opened on eye to check that Thorin was paying attention, and judging by the way his fists curled at the mention of their encounter some ways back was anything to go by, he did not appreciate her bringing it up. "Secondly," Helsinki moved on, "I am amenable, but for future reference, just ask if I'd like to. You lot speak like Shakespeare fucking the Queen 'round here."

She missed the perplexed expression Thorin pulled before he cleared his throat and waited for her to look over at him. "Very well, Helsinki. Please call me Thorin," he said as though Helsinki hadn't been doing just that for the past day of travel. She quirked an eyebrow at him, but Thorin was looking up at the stars, moonlight pooling on his face.

"The easiest one I can show you is Durin's Crown, the emblem of my line," he told her, pointing and tracing something in the air. Helsinki huffed.

"Your perspective is different, I can't tell what you're pointing at," she said, grabbing his sleeve and yanking on it until Thorin had deigned to lay himself down beside her.

"Here," he held is hand out over Helsinki and traced the constellation again, beginning at the brightest star. "It is a crown because-"

"It's like jewels on a thread?" Helsinki guessed, having just been shown the only constellation she knew.

Thorin looked over at her, his hair twisting under his head. "You know of it? I thought you had only been here a few days," he said suspiciously.

"It's the same as home," Helsinki replied. "It's the only constellation I can find because it's the one my family is named after. The entire thing is called Corona Borealis, or the Northern Crown, but the brightest star is called Alphecca and in some languages the constellation itself is called Alphecca," she explained.

Thorin's eyes were wide enough to reflect Helsinki's own moon-bathed face. "You are named after the crown of my family?" he breathed in wonder.

"I wouldn't go that far," Helsinki snorted. "My family is, and it's an uncommon name. The word Alphecca means separated, you know? Like a broken necklace."

"It is said that my ancestor, Durin, looked into _Kheled-zâram, _a lake of glass, and his reflection wore a crown of gems upon a silver thread," Thorin nearly whispered. "It has been the symbol of my line, the line of Durin for centuries."

Helsinki failed to see the importance, dismissing the occurrence as a simple coincidence. "Well my family's only had it about eighty or so years, so I guess you've got dibs."

"Dibs?"

"It means you can have it," Helsinki smiled over at him. Expressions, particularly smiles often give away far more than the words their owner speaks ever will. For example, Helsinki's smile was kind and indulgent, very similar to the one she wore when treating children and she had to explain what she was doing. What she meant was that his family had a longer claim to the constellation Corona Borealis, if people really could claim constellations, a matter which is still up for debate, and that because of this, Thorin therefore had 'dibs' an arbitrary mode of ownership based around goodwill.

But Thorin did not have any concept of 'dibs' as dwarrow do not pass things around nor give them up easily. Instead what he saw was Helsinki's kind smile, a lovely and gentle expression that revealed a crooked front tooth and several very minute chips to the keen eye, and he understood her to mean that she was gifting him her name, or at least the stars it came from. Gifts, especially something as grand and meaningful as this were nothing to pass over; in Dwarven cultures, particularly that of the Long Beards, almost any instance of a gift being offered without prior discussion or statement was to be taken as a token of interest and affection. Not something lightly given.

Helsinki, of course, had no idea what she'd just done because it really was just a matter of cultural misunderstanding. She was being friendly and smiling at him; Thorin was struggling to decide how to react to what was a very big gift indeed.

It is here that a new expression entered the conversation, a window to a tumultuous mind that looks quite a lot like sea sickness.

Thorin had a spectacularly emotionally constipated expression on his face "Do you not think it strange that you should be brought to another world and sent to live with a dwarf whose line bears your name as a symbol of our house and clan?" He prodded, trying to appear unbothered and calm.

"I suppose, if you want to look at it that way. I can't say I've ever had much faith in fate though. Everything happens not for a reason, but because it just does. In this case, I was kidnapped by a wizard in an alley, nothing miraculous about it," Helsinki shrugged and fiddled with her necklace, unaware of Thorin's eyes following and averting quickly. The pendant was small, a little crescent moon with a small crystal hanging from it's tip as a star. The rose gold chain had been replaced no less than four times since it's initial gifting due to Helsinki seldom going out without it.

He roughly cleared his throat again, disturbing the chilly peace and making Helsinki jolt. "Do all people from your home have such names? Dwarrow do not have family names, we identify by our parents, sometimes grandparents, and our clans."

"You what?" Helsinki asked, wondering how the hell that worked.

"It is quite simple. For example, I introduce myself as Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror," said Thorin, regarding her closely for a reaction. "You would introduce yourself in the same way, though if your mother is of great standing you might use her name in place of your fathers."

Helsinki, unaware of the test that she had just passed by sheer ignorance, mulled the piece of new information over. "Where I'm from we just use surnames, or family names. Mine is odd, but that's just because my great-grandfather fancied himself an astronomer and changed it, dooming his descendants to lives of clarification," Helsinki smiled over at Thorin, who she could have sworn referred to himself as Thorin Oakenshield, not son of John or whatever. "Aren't you Oakenshield? Isn't that a last name?" she asked.

"No, it is a given title, one I received after battle," he lifted his other arm, the whopping great oaken branch attached to it. "I defeated the enemy and was named Oakenshield by my people."

Helsinki hummed in understanding, deciding not to linger on the battle part of the explanation. She didn't want to be reminded of how dangerous this place was, especially to someone who couldn't run far. "Do you like it? Your name? It's a bit… subjective," she nodded towards the arm with the shield attached.

Thorin was taken aback. "I have never considered my name particularly. Thorin means Darer, and it was given to me by my father, Thrain. Oakenshield is simply a title, one that I have earned and will wear proudly." Helsinki nodded, accepting the answer for what it was.

"Do you not like your name? It is very unique, I have never heard of it before, though it does sound a little bit Dwarven," Thorin remarked.

"Not particularly," Helsinki admitted to him as she had done to many previous people who asked the same question. "Alphecca as a last name is one thing, but being named Helsinki just raises questions. My older brothers are named Pawel, after my grandfather, and Sebastian because dad just liked the name, yet I'm stuck with Helsinki. Mum named me after the city she fell in love in," she muttered just a touch mutinously.

"Interesting," Thorin said stiltedly with an incline of his head.

"That's not even the interesting part; Mum didn't even meet dad in Helsinki, she met him in Glasgow," Helsinki added with a light laugh. This was a piece of information many people laughed at, but seeing as Thorin barely knew what Helsinki was and definitely had no idea what Glasgow was, the joke failed dully.

"Is it common to be named after places of importance where you are from?"

"No, but my mum had just pushed my brothers' fat heads out before I came along so she wasn't in the best mood for naming," said Helsinki with a shrug, sitting up and rolling her shoulders. "I'm going to go sit by the fire, my arse is freezing." She levered herself to her feet, feeling her knee pop. The real one, that is; the fake one was fine.

Thorin watched her, sitting up alongside her but making no move to join her, instead staring while Helsinki prodded the fire and shoved another log into it. She looked over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow.

"Are you coming over or is that where you're sleeping for the rest of the night?" Helsinki asked.

Thorin smoothly got up from the grass and silently joined her by the fire, clearly deep in thought. "You have brothers?"

"Yeah, two, Pawel and Sebastian. They're older than me, but that's a bit of a stretch," Helsinki answered idly, tearing into a chunk of bread.

"What do you mean?" the firelight was throwing the deep frown lines on Thorin's forehead into dark shadow.

Helsinki swallowed her mouthful, picking at the crumbs on the piece she still held. "Hm, well Pawel's only three or so hours older than me, and Sebastian's only got about forty-five minutes on me, so it doesn't really count, does it? We all were born on the same day, so they're not really older than me in any way that properly matters."

Thorin leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. His face was intensely curious, like a frustrated toddler with a puzzle. "How? Three children is just not possible. Was it," he cast a quick look around. "Was it magic?"

Helsinki snorted into her bread, hacking and coughing as she choked on it. Tears blurred her eyes as she chuckled and coughed, managing to settle herself after a moment, only for Thorin to still look deadly serious. "Oh you're serious," she gasped, the lump of bread finally going down.

"Do you not recall what we spoke of earlier? Twins are rare, but three babes? Tis unheard of," he resolutely told her. "Impossible."

Helsinki held off her burgeoning anger in favour of gesturing to herself grandly. "I'm right here, it's definitely possible."

"You are certain?" Thorin hoarsely asked her, as though being a triplet was something far more amazing than it was.

"Pretty certain. There are some photographs that prove my birth in extreme detail," Helsinki replied with a nod. "You really haven't heard of triplets?"

"That is what you call yourselves?"

"It's what everyone calls us, just like how twins are called twins. My brothers and I are triplets," Helsinki scratched her hairline in thought for a moment. "I suppose with such a low birth rate triplets would be rare to you dwarves, huh?"

Thorin shook his head slowly, resting his elbows on his knees. "Twins are rare; to have three babes at once, it would be a miracle," he said. "Are triplets common where you are from? Are there more?"

"We're not common, I think maybe one pregnancy in four thousand four hundred at home is triplets? Last time I checked it was in that area anyways," Helsinki fished in her bag for something else to eat, coming up with a cloth-wrapped lump of cheese, which she gave a cautious sniff.

"One in four thousand chance? Those are not good odds," Thorin muttered, mostly to himself but Helsinki heard anyways, and she hadn't been studying medicine for nothing.

"Those statistics are from a year or so ago, they've been trending upwards for some years now since we made some advancements in medicine, sorry healing," Helsinki corrected herself through a mouthful of cheese.

"So having three babes is becoming more common?" Thorin asked.

Helsinki nodded, chewing thoughtfully. "Twins are still vastly more common than triplets, but both are increasing in number. I'm pretty sure there's sets of twins in just about every generation on both sides of my family."

Helsinki was pretty sure Thorin's eyeballs only barely managed to stay in his head, though the amusing expression was quickly concealed by his stern facade.

"Will you have triplets? Excuse me for asking, Miss Helsinki, but this is incredible to learn about," Thorin said, very calmly for someone who had only seconds ago been on a verge of complete eyeball loss.

Helsinki shrugged and yawned, rolling her shoulders so they cracked. Three days of travel and adjusting to a new world was wrecking her body; her head felt like it was full of cotton wool and bees, she was definitely constipated but only because she had been too nervous to do her business, and her left leg was aching right up into her back as her prosthesis was being overused and aggravated muscles that were still learning how to function with the loss of most of her lower limb.

"There's a chance, I suppose," she sighed, untying her jacket from her bag and switching it with the cloak. She zipped it up and snuggled into the fur trimmed hood, scooting herself down to lie near the fire, with the tipped log she had been sitting on at her back. She folded the cloak and tossed it at Thorin. "Thanks for the cloak, my back would be shredded without it," she said. She was telling the truth; in the light of the fire, Thorin's armor was easily visible and the downward points caught the eye easily.

He caught the bundled cloak easily, and stared down at it whilst chewing his bread. Helsinki, who had closed her eyes and was wondering whether or not she snored, didn't see the dwarf cast his gaze up to her and back down the cloak a few times in consideration. She had, in fact, just about fallen asleep completely by the time Thorin, who normally made up his mind in far shorter increments, decided to unfold it and drop it over her, as impartially as he possibly could.

Helsinki was undisturbed, both by the cloak falling over her, and by Thorin's attempt to be stalwart and distant, because she was asleep. Thorin on the other hand, was incredibly disturbed, a little because he'd just learned that triplets were possible, but mostly because with a simple grin and some vulgar language, Helsinki had managed to make him… fond of her. He was cautious to use that word, as everyone should be, but despite her likeness to a battering ram in personality and unique background, she was easy to get along with.

Thorin moved to sit on the log over her legs, Helsinki drawing one foot up and nosing deeper into her hood. He regarded her closely while she slept for a moment, before drawing a whetstone from a deep pocket and producing a knife from another.

Warm sunlight woke Helsinki a few hours later, roasting her eyeballs when she peaked a look at her surroundings. Sighing, she let herself have a nice stretch, reaching her arms up and wiggling her toes. It was a weird feeling, wiggling her toes on one foot while the muscles in her left leg made the motions to do the same to the missing appendage. It wasn't something Helsinki liked to linger on, it had the unfortunate tendency to send her into downward spirals and make her ignore her physiotherapist's visits.

She sat up, rubbing her face vigorously. "G'morning," she mumbled.

"Good morning," Thorin replied, setting a pot over the fire. "You slept well?" It sounded like a question to Helsinki, but Thorin had stayed awake the entire night and was actually making a statement. He knew that Helsinki had slept well. And that she snored a bit.

"Pretty well, I think," she rolled her shoulders, folding the cloak that had made it's way back to her. "Ground's not as comfortable as you though," she grinned up at Thorin, and then held up the cloak. "Thank you, again, for the cloak."

"Keep it, we will enter the mountains today and the temperature will drop. You will also need it if you plan on driving again," he quirked a smile, pouring water from a skin into the pot, and adding some sort of grain afterwards.

Helsinki nodded, and pulled her first aid kit from her bag, thanking her mother again for her paranoid ways. Aspen Alphecca was no shrinking violet, but nor was she without her fears. She'd been a nurse on an Intensive Care Unit for six years before she became pregnant with triplets, and she had bravely (stupidly) delivered all three of her babies vaginally, something most people balk at. Her pregnancy had been shorter on account of the triplets, but not without complications, same as the birth. Her first was perfectly healthy, her second was underweight but made a quick recovery, and then there was Helsinki, her lucky little last. She was a good weight, but had been deprived of oxygen for sometime during the birth, because her brothers were taking a while. This resulted in Aspen Alphecca having a baby who was diagnosed early on with epilepsy, after a prolonged stay in the NICU even after her brothers had been allowed home. Her well placed and meant concern would follow her daughter right through medical school and to her own hospital bedside; now to Middle Earth where she was still taking care of her littlest girl.

After the first aid kit, Helsinki quickly dug out her dose of her daily medication and swallowed it dry, hoping Thorin wouldn't notice and question her as he seemed prone to doing. That done, she turned to checking her stitches.

She unzipped her jacket and pulled up her shirt, pausing at the smell emanating from the borrowed fabric. A timely reminder that she hadn't bathed in a few days and was stuck in the middle of some forest. Helsinki peeled the gauze pad off the stitches easily, the white fabric coming away stained rusty brown but not worryingly so leading the doctor-turned-dwarf to feel confident in it healing well. She folded the used gauze and tape into a ball and dropped it off to the side, plucking the tube of antibacterial cream from the open first aid kit and unscrewing it with her teeth.

She looked up at the sound of a wooden spoon clanking on the metal pot to see Thorin stirring a cream coloured sludge very aggressively for such an early hour. He glanced up at her, eyes lowering to her exposed stitches and lingering.

"It looks to be healing well," he remarked, looking back down at his pot of mush.

"It better, I stitched it well if I do say so," Helsinki replied, smearing the cream over the stitches which were feeling less tender and inflamed as the tissue healed.

"That is your own work?" Thorin asked, eyes flying up to observe her again.

Helsinki nodded, using a pair of nail scissors from the kit to cut a gauze pad to size. "First thing I did after waking up after Gandalf dumped me in the forest," she said, leaving out the sobbing, retching, and vomiting.

"It is impressive," Thorin said. "I do not think I have seen such fine stitching on anything that isn't clothing."

The blonde shrugged and pressed the gauze to her skin and taped the sides down. "It's what I do," she muttered. While she repacked, Thorin poured out some of the sludge into a small wooden bowl and set it down in front of her.

"Here, breakfast," he said. "Buckwheat porridge."

Helsinki looked up and smiled brightly at him. "Thank you! Are you sure? Is there some for you?"

Thorin nodded and lifted the pot he still held, "I have the rest here. Eat quickly, we are making good time."

Helsinki nodded and picked up the surprisingly ornate spoon that was sitting in the murky and watery porridge. She had never been much of a fan of porridge, even as a child. Brown sugar and cream could make it tolerable, or some dried apricots, but she doubted Thorin had any of that in his bags. She nibbled on a small mouthful, schooling her expression so that Thorin didn't think she was a fussy pain in the ass in return for his kindness. It was bland, clumpy, a little bitter, and deeply unpleasant to eat.

Happily, and out of desperation to eat something else, Helsinki recalled a small pot of jam tucked away in the small package Bilbo had sent her off with. Putting her bowl down, she dug it out and held it up to check that it was indeed jam. It did look jam-ish, a lovely deep red and filled with juicy looking lumps. She pulled the cloth cover off and gave it a sniff, which did confirm the presence of jam.

Pleased, she dumped a good helping into her porridge and held the jar out to Thorin, who as it appeared, had given her his only spoon and was regally eating his porridge with a fork. She shook the jar at him when he didn't take it, and pushed it into his grasp. She had already turned back to her bowl when Thorin added her sweet offering to his breakfast, and gently placed the jar back down by her legs with a softened gaze at her profile.

Breakfast was far better after the addition of jam, and even Thorin seemed happier once they had packed away and set out on Dusty. Turns out jam really does wonders for the soul, something unproven until that morning. Helsinki was sitting up front again, feeling energized after a decent few hours of sleep and more than a bit curious about her companion's home, which towered over them like a craggy wall. They stretched far enough that Helsinki could not see ways around them anymore, and even with the warm weather the pair were riding in, snow still capped the tallest peaks she could see. She hadn't seen anything like it in England, nor in Scotland where her grandparents lived, but having travelled with her brothers after graduating highschool, Helsinki was sure that this mountain range could give the Southern Alps a run for their money.

"You really live there?" she asked Thorin, breathlessly.

"I do," he replied, unwittingly close to her ear. "There are numerous settlements throughout the mountain range, which is split by a third by the Gulf of Lhȗn," his hand left the reins and gestured out from the way they came to the far north. "Many centuries ago, there was a great war, fought by all of Middle Earth. When the war was won, one of the largest wounds was to the land itself. Mount Dolmed used to tower, right there," Thorin pointed out to a distant, shining sea they were headed towards. "_Khaggal'abad_ is now one of the Western most points of Middle Earth, as after the war much of the land farther west was lost beneath the sea. We Dwarrow lost entire cities to that war, _Tumunzahar_ in particular was a great loss. It was originally home to the Dwarven clan, the Firebeards, and they now have a large trading settlement further south, close to the Brandywine. The Northern reaches of the range, across the Gulf of Lhȗn, are home to many settlements and the kingdom of _Gabilgathod_, a Broadbeam stronghold we have good ties with."

Helsinki was quiet while she digested this history lesson, as foreign and full of strange words as it was. She went over it mentally so she at least had some idea where she was and what had happened around her; it was a small amount of information, but for someone from another world, it was interesting enough to merit a good five minutes of silent thinking. "So where are we heading?" Helsinki asked, as it seemed that they were going straight towards the Gulf, which had steep beaches to the North and sheer cliffs on the Southern side.

"We are going to _Thorinuldum_, the halls my father settled our people in many years ago, built in the ruins of _Tumunzahar_ and restored into a prosperous settlement for the Longbeards," said Thorin with a hint of pride. "At the Northern end of the Southern range," he added.

Helsinki looked out and gauged where she thought they were going, which was hard because she wasn't exactly sure where North was or what direction they were going in. She assumed it was on the left hand side of the gulf they were riding towards, mostly out of instinct. "Do you know where I will be staying there?" she asked him quietly. It had been bugging her for the past few days of travel, leaving her feeling unwanted and untethered in a place she didn't know.

Thorin was quiet for a while, before he sighed deeply. "You have no money for a room at the inn, and seeing as Gandalf has a task for you but has given you no more information, I do not believe that it would be a good idea for you to stay there. You could move into a home, but you yourself have told me that everything is new to you and so I do not think that would be wise either-"

"You'd give me a house? How the hell does that work, I don't have any money, you just said it?!" Helsinki blurted out, twisting to try and eyeball Thorin.

"This is a Dwarven settlement, Helsinki, not some town of men in which you must scrimp and save for a living. All homes are provided for, or dwarrow may build their own in areas where permission is given," Thorin patiently answered her. "Payment is only required if one wishes to upgrade into a larger home that it's owners have decided to sell."

"Oh," Helsinki said. "That seems nice," she added, thinking over her struggles to pay for a flat while studying and working her arse to the bone. Middle Earth seemed brighter, or at least, being a dwarf did. Sideburns not included.

"As I was saying, this leaves you and I with one option, as I see it," Thorin continued. Helsinki paled then flushed, good opinion vanishing as her mind turned to being sold or married off to live with a dwarf-man. Unawares, Thorin continued, gruffly. "You, if you wish, may live with myself, my sister, and my nephews."

Helsinki was distracted from her doomsday thinking to smile and relax a little. "You have a sister? And nieces or nephews?"

"A younger sister, yes. Her name is Dis, and her sons are Fili and Kili," Thorin said. "None of them will mind you staying, I assure you."

"You can't know that! I stayed with my brother for a two week holiday and I nearly drove him out of his own house," Helsinki replied. This was true, she had in fact, on a holiday to Australia driven her brother Pawel to near insanity, but it should be considered that it was done on purpose for the amusement of her sister-in-law and nephew. And a different, more revenge based reason, but that was irrelevant for the moment.

"Good, you can give my nephews a run for their money," Thorin stated confidently.

"Trouble-makers, are they?" Helsinki fondly thought of her own nephews and nieces. Her smile trembled as the wreckingball swung again and her new reality set in.

"I think you could use some of your impressive vocabulary to describe them better," Thorin wryly answered.

"Oh?"

Thorin's chest rumbled against her back with a small chuckle. "They have been perfecting the art of mischief since they were the size of kittens," he commented. "They are nearly adults now and it has barely lessened their ways, at home at least; in public they manage to behave for the most part."

Helsinki laughed and threw her head back, resting it on Thorin's broad shoulder all the while. "Sounds like me and my brothers. I think we ruined a couple of teachers' lives, and definitely took a few years off of my parents'," she said. "Pawel liked to ride the family dog from a young age, especially down the stairs, Sebastian liked to try and build sandpits indoors, and I was fond of throwing things out the window solely because I could."

Thorin's eyebrows were raised to his hairline, and he was looking down at the crown of Helsinki's head in amazement. "It sounds as though you had an interesting childhood," he said. "With very patient parents."

"I don't know about patient, but they're troopers for putting up with the three of us. My brothers are the same with their children, it must be genetic," Helsinki said.

"You yourself have nieces and nephews?"

"Four of them," Helsinki confirmed proudly. "Pawel has a four year old boy, and Sebastian has a three year old son, and twin girls who are just over a year old."

"You sound proud," Thorin remarked.

"And you aren't? Of your nephews? Of course I'm proud, I'm their aunt. I helped to deliver the twins and I was there when both of my nephews were born," she said, leaving out the fact that one of them was born half a world away in Australia and she had been facetimed to say hello to her newest family member.

"It is a special thing, to see your siblings' children grow up," Thorin replied wisely. "Especially since you get to play with them and spoil them and then leave them to their parents when they start crying or smelling."

Helsinki laughed, louder and more cheerfully than before. "Exactly! My father and grandfather have been up my arse for years, complaining that they want the 'full set' of grandchildren, 'one from every child', but I was always too busy studying or working, I never had time to go find the father of my future children," she snorted. Helsinki hadn't really ever considered her own children, mostly because her desire to work with them as a doctor was always at the forefront of her mind when children were brought up.

She had always felt that she had time, and perhaps someday she might have her own, but she had been happy, in her bubble of stress and study. Many people are like this, because at some point most people realise that babies and child rearing is a lot of work and commitment. Only parents, usually the well put together ones, will tell you outright how great having children is, and even then, they might be lying. So, if one still desires something more but less nappies and crying, they might get a dog, or a fish, even a houseplant to abate that need. Eventually it might come back, perhaps with a certain person or event, but sometimes it never does. And that is entirely okay. Helsinki's aunt Lotte had never had children and she was still happily living on a farm in Ireland, working as a teacher and embroidering offensive words on throw cushions.

Early dusk saw the mountains grow eyes, flickering golden ones that blinked open in the looming dark and guide them towards a valley. The terrain was rocky and Dusty's sure steps kept sending pebbles skittering down the jagged sides of the mountain path Thorin had easily directed them to. Their conversation had lessened as the sun dipped lower and lower, Helsinki eventually dozing off to the rhythmic rocking and Thorin's warmth behind her. He had woken her as dusk came true and they entered _Khaggal'abad_ proper, meandering up a valley and around onto winding paths.

It was cold and growing colder as they rose with the path and lost the sun, Helsinki tucking herself into the cloak and drawing it closed with the clasp, which she had proudly figured out earlier that day. In the growing dark, she could see, to her own amazement, huge angular etchings in the rock face they passed, spaced out like very artistic sign posts.

Thorin urged Dusty on, obviously impatient to get home. Helsinki didn't complain about the change in pace that was now sending freezing wind into her eyeballs, seeing as she was desperate for a toilet, a bath, and a bed. Ideally in that order. A crack of distant thunder startled Helsinki, who was steadied by Thorin's arms pressing in around her briefly.

"It is a springtime thunder storm. Nothing to worry about, I doubt the rain will make it as far as us," he reassured, not slowing Dusty.

Irony is mostly amusing when you do not like the person facing it, or when it makes spectacular sense. Being drenched on a mountain cliff because ironically your dwarf guide misjudged the weather is not amusing, it is in fact, terrifying.

Helsinki clenched everything, her teeth, her arse, her legs in fear of being thrown off the pony if he startled, or sliding off seeing as she was drenched from head to toe.

"We are almost at the gates!" Thorin called over the pounding rain.

"Thank the fucking lord!" Helsinki screamed back, gripping the horn of the saddle with slippery and white knuckled fingers.

Luckily, irony was not present when they rounded a sharp corner and came face to face with towering gates, carved from the mountain face. A large platform of solid stone made something of a courtyard entrance, where two guards stood in heavy armour. Battlements ran the length of the wall the gate was set into, following the natural ragged lines to fence in the courtyard on three sides. Thorin dismounted, calling to the guards over the rain. Helsinki followed suit, enraptured by the thick vein of gold spidering from the gates into the thick walls of stone in front of her.

Thorin returned to her side, having to take her wrist to pull her away from her awe. "Let us go inside," he said. "On a nicer day you can come and look further."

Helsinki went with him without complaint, grinning at the guards they passed, one of whom had his beard braided back into his hair; and he had the balls to look at her funny. Inside the gates, a polished stretch of stone reached into the depths of the mountain, held up by giant dwarven soldiers with silver eyes. The bridge departed into flights of stone stairs going in all directions, some carved into the walls, others freestanding over endless depths of blackness and criss crossing bridges not unlike the one Thorin was leading Helsinki down.

Even though they were dripping all over the floor, leaving what was definitely an OSHA hazard, Thorin slowed, allowing Helsinki to crane her head in all directions and take in her very first dwarven kingdom.

**Khaggal'abad - Blue Mountains (Ered Luin in Sindarin)**

**Tumunzahar - Nogrod**

**Gabilgathol - Belegost**

**Thank you for reading chapter five! I'm looking at a minimum of two, maximum of five or six chapters in the Blue Mountains, so if there is something you want to see, anything at all, let me know because I'm desperate for some padding in these chapters! Don't be shy to let me know, and please know that I will personally respond to every reviewer and discuss further if you have an idea that could work! I'm friendly, I promise!**

**All the Khuzdul is from Lotro-Wiki, or the One Wiki to Rule them All. The creation of the Gulf of Lhȗn is taken from the One Wiki, along with the information on Thorin's settlement to make it as legit as possible. On a map of Middle Earth, the Blue Mountains are split, and the old Kingdom of Nogrod, or Tumunzahar in Khuzdul is South of the Gulf, apparently where Thrain created the new home for the dwarves of Erebor. It took me longer than I want to admit to put the puzzle of the settlements in the Blue Mountains together. **


	6. Never Have Dinner with Dwarves

**I give you chapter six! Thank you to all who read, followed, and reviewed! The amazing TomRiddlesTwin, the fantastic azaneti, the marvelous lucefatale, the incredible VERA VIV, the excellent Priya24626, the wonderful A5mia, the gorgeous AureliaLyannaMoon, the astounding Kelwtim2spar, the breathtaking Ghouly-Girl, and the perfect guest Frankenpumpkin! **

**I need your input - do you want dwarves to be prudish or unconcerned about nudity? I can't decide. **

**All rights to Jackson, Newline Cinema, and Tolkien. **

'_This guy is fucking huge_'

The second dwarf Helsinki had ever met was not only built like a brick shithouse, he looked like he could probably eat one. He was taller than Thorin and broader too, with huge axes strapped in a harness on his back, like lethal, ugly babies. He had marched up to them, the furs of animals he probably killed with his bare hands warming his shoulders, and without paying much notice to Helsinki, had grabbed Thorin around the biceps and attempted to pull him into a headlock.

She knew it was an attempted headlock because she had gotten in trouble at school once for putting Pawel in one.

Thorin gave the first big smile Helsinki had seen from him, lunging forward to meet the new dwarf and grab him around the elbows. The pair grunted and struggled, Thorin somehow lifting the newcomer off of the ground and onto his shoulder before they parted with little more than a grumble and knocked their boots together by the ankle. They grinned at each other, both showing impressively nice teeth for a world that hadn't yet proven to Helsinki the discovery of oral care. Thorin did have quite a nice smile though, she thought as he greeted the new dwarf.

She peered around Thorin's frame, clutching her bag to her front as a shield. While Thorin had climbed all the fucking stairs it took to get to the cavern they were in and still looked regal, Helsinki was sore, out of breath, and dripping water everywhere from Thorin's spare cloak. She had pulled it tightly around her as the open battlements in front of her funnelled wind into the sheltered cavern, and the sheer weight of water it was holding had made it drape over her form like glue. She listed to the right, trying to relieve pressure from her prosthetic, which was making its presence aggravatedly known after climbing stairs with no rail for assistance.

"I did nae know I was yer personal bag-boy now, Thorin," the new dwarf boomed, clapping Thorin on the shoulder with a hand the size of a ham roast. Behind him rested Thorin's pack and saddlebags, in a small lake of storm water.

"If you weren't you wouldn't have brought them up, now would you?" Thorin replied with a manly punch to the other dwarfs arm.

The other dwarf grumbled, and finally noticed Helsinki shivering in Thorin's wake. "And what's this?" his eyes, a nutty brown colour, inspected her closely, like an agent at an immigration desk at an airport. He took his time looking her over, from her pale face to her trembling fingers that held her bag handle. He eyed the cloak she was drowning in, smirking over at Thorin when his eyes came to rest at the heavy clasp at her throat.

"Dwalin, this is Doctor Helsinki Alphecca, a ward of Gandalf's he has asked me to take care of until he calls for her. Helsinki, this is Dwalin, a friend of mine," Thorin introduced, walking past Dwalin to pick up his sodden bags. The taller dwarf offered her a quick bow, axes stuck firm to his back.

"Dwalin, son of Fundin, at your service."

Dwalin said something in another language to Thorin as he passed, smirk widening. Thorin shot something back quickly, and then nodded at Helsinki. The loosened expression of friendliness on his stern features faded quickly. "Come, Helsinki; my sister will have the fires lit," he said.

"Shall I expect ye at the pub?" Dwalin called after them as Thorin motioned for Helsinki to walk with him. Helsinki held in a sigh; she'd love a vodka right about now.

"Not tonight, Dwalin," Thorin called back. "Tomorrow evening perhaps."

Dwalin yelled something else in the language Helsinki didn't know, but she figured it must have been something interesting because Thorin swung a hand back to make a gesture, which from context Helsinki decided probably wasn't polite.

Dwalin's booming laugh followed them to the front in the cavern, even as his echoing footsteps faded. It sounded like he wore bricks on his feet and having seen the guy, Helsinki wouldn't be surprised if he actually did.

The stretch of stone they came to was the same as the rest of the cavern, raw and run through with thick veins of blue coloured stone. Helsinki wasn't sure why they were there, if she was honest; the empty cavern was freezing and all the dwarves they'd passed had been on lower levels.

"He seemed nice," Helsinki said. Thorin stepped forward and knocked on the stone wall using an ornate knocker carved into a niche one might miss if they weren't looking for it. The blonde blinked at the small detail she'd missed and checked over the rest of the wall to see if she'd missed anything else, like a door, or windows.

Thorin stood back at her side. "He is a good friend. We have fought together many times."

Helsinki nodded, unsure how to respond to that. A chunk of the rock swung open on some sort of pivot, parting seamlessly from the raw stone it sat in, and letting a flood of warm yellow light wash over the two travelers. Raucous yelling now spilled into the walkway, and Helsinki wondered how she'd missed it.

"IT'S YOUR TURN!"

"NO, AMAD SAID IT WAS YOUR TURN LAST NIGHT!"

"THAT WAS ABOUT THE SILVER! SHE TOLD YOU TO DO THE DISHES TONIGHT!

"Brother! I was not expecting you for another day at least!" a dwarf greeted them with open arms. Helsinki assumed that this was Dis, Thorin's sister, whom he did not mention had sideburns like Helsinkis. Short, with an elaborate updo of dark hair and sideburns braided back into it, Dis looked much like her brother in the face, with a matching nose and cheekbones. Her eyes were a warm brown, however, and her hair was also brown, but she carried herself in too much of a similarly regal way to be anyone other than Thorin's sister.

"We made good time," Thorin told her.

"We?" Dis asked, leaning to look around her brother to see who he had brought with him. A crash and the sound of something porcelain shattering distracted her. "BOYS! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT FIRING THAT THING INSIDE?" she whirled around to scream back into the house.

Thorin dipped his head to hide a smile as his nephews were berated by their mother. "Now, what's this about a 'we'?" Dis calmly asked, turning back to her brother.

"This is Doctor Helsinki Alphecca. Gandalf has need of her and asked me to give her somewhere to live until he calls for her," Thorin explained. Helsinki popped around Thorin's side with a smile and a short wave.

"Hello," she said.

Dis, whose arms were crossed and her face in a stern frown, gave Helsinki a startled blink. She stared at Thorin carefully and appraised Helsinki. "A dam? Thorin, what has Gandalf in need of a Dam?"

"He mentioned a task, something neither I, nor Helsinki know anything more of," said Thorin. "May we speak more of this later? we are both hungry and in good need of a warm bath."

"Of course, yes, come in dear, you must be freezing," Dis ushered Helsinki forward and into the warmth of the home. "I see my idiot brother did not offer you his coat," she said to Helsinki as Thorin walked in behind them and closed the door with a grumble directed at his sister. "Nevermind that, we'll get you warmed up with some good dinner - BOYS! COME AND GET YOUR UNCLES THINGS!" she bellowed.

Helsinki let Dis help her undo the clasp of the cloak and hang it to dry as her own fingers were slippery with the rain still and were unused to the intricate mechanism that held the cloak closed. Dis hung the fabric on a hook by the door to dry, where Thorin's coat was already making a puddle on the stone floor. He was bending to take off his boots when two more dwarves rushed into view.

The first was a brunet, like Dis, and he also had no grip on the floor because of the thick socks he was wearing. He slid around the corner at top speed and lost control, slamming into the wall where Thorin's head had been if he had not straightened when he did. As though he had predicted it, Thorin also stepped back in time for a second, blonder figure to charge around the corner, trip over the first, and tumble to the floor in front of his boots.

"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT WEARING SOCKS AND RUNNING? DO I NEED TO HAVE OIN CHECK YOUR EARS FOR COAL DUST AGAIN?" Dis reprimanded the hunched dwarves on her floor. The blond one sniggered and the brunet shoved his arm. "AND YOU! FILI! DON'T THINK YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK JUST BECAUSE YOU AREN'T WEARING SOCKS! YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO RUN IN THIS HOUSE, LOOK WHAT HAPPENS, EVERY MAHAL FORSAKEN TIME!"

The brother's got to their feet with matching groans. "Amad, I'm only wearing socks because you told me to put some on," the brunet said with a cheeky grin.

Dis raised an eyebrow. "And what's your excuse, Fili?"

The blond shrugged. "At least I didn't slide everywhere like a fawn on ice." His brother punched him in the arm with a glare. "Hey!"

Their mother regarded them with her hands on her hips. "Alright, here is what's going to happen. Kili, you're going to take your socks off, Fili, you're going to put some on, then you're both going to take your Uncle's things to the spare room," she ordered, sending an immediate flurry of hair to the ground as Kili slipped while he hopped around trying to remove his socks.

"Come with me, dear, I'll show you where you'll be staying," Dis kindly said, taking Helsinki by the elbow and pulling her away from her brother, who now held both her sons by the necks of their tunics and was dangling them in the air.

Helsinki turned away from the scene with a grin, following Dis down the carved hall to a door - this one visible to the eye. She swung it open to reveal a bedroom with a large tapestry hanging over the bed.

Helsinki crept in after Dis, who was digging through the wardrobe. "This is lovely," she said. The bed was plush and made of a heavy looking metal frame, draped in a thick quilt with a pelt over the end. A fireplace was dark and cold on the front wall, a shining silver sword resting on the mantle below a carving.

"I'm glad you think so, dear," Dis said, placing a pile of towels on the end of the bed along with an extra blanket. "I'm afraid you don't have time for a bath before dinner, but you're welcome to a nice long soak after we've eaten. I'll make sure you get one before Thorin, the great lump."

Helsinki beamed at Dis, who couldn't have possibly made a better impression, and set her bag down on the floor so she wouldn't get the bed wet. "Thank you for letting me stay, I really appreciate it."

"That's okay, Miss Doctor," said Dis, who had moved on to fluffing the pillows.

"Oh, please call me Helsinki. Doctor is just a title," she said.

Dis straightened the covers and smiled at her. "Very well, Miss Helsinki, you may call me Dis. Now, come and have some dinner and tell me about this title of yours, I don't think I've ever heard of a 'doctor' before."

The dwarven dinner table is a lively one, with loud chatter and very few manners, like something from a large family Christmas dinner. Dis had pushed Helsinki into the seat closest to the fireplace, tutting over the state of her hair and bemoaning her brother's lack of sense.

"Honestly, Thorin, you could have just taken shelter for the night and arrived tomorrow! The poor thing is nearly drowned!" she rebuked as she set a bowl of potatoes down.

Helsinki personally didn't think she was that wet, but Thorin seemed to be taking his sister's words in his stride, calmly sitting at the head of the table with a tall mug of beer. Fili and Kili had barrelled in squabbling, only stopping when their mother rapped their heads with the wooden spoon she was holding. Helsinki did her best to smother a grin in her hand.

"We have a guest boys, best behaviour," she said. "I mean it, I won't have a repeat of the Mallinor incident."

Thorin made a strange noise into his mug, and Helsinki perked up in interest, staring at the boys who looked quite young, she'd put them close to her age at most.

"Hello," she said to them, staggering to her feet with the aid of the table. Her hip burned with the action. "I'm Helsinki Alphecca, you can call me Helsinki."

"Sit down, Helsinki, they're polite boys, they know what they should be doing," Dis shot her sons a sharp look and they both hurried to bow, much like Thorin and Dwalin had done.

"Fili."

"And Kili -"

"At your service," they said in unison, popping back upright to take their seats at the table. Fili took the seat in between her and Thorin, while Kili sat on the other side of the table. Dis bustled around with a large iron pot and a ladle, setting both down in the centre of the table atop a stone chopping board.

Kili stared at her. "Now you're supposed to say your name and 'at yours and your family's'," he prompted, much to Helsinki's confusion.

Had she missed something?

Kili squawked and jolted in his chair as a telling thump came from under the table, near to where Thorin was sitting. "Kili," he warned.

Dis took her seat with a flourish. "Mind your manners, Kili. Miss Helsinki isn't from here, her customs are different."

"Oh, was that a greeting customary here?" Helsinki asked, cluing in.

Fili turned to her and nodded in place of his brother who was anxiously tapping his fingers on the tabletop and eyeing the pot in the middle. "It is, yes. May I ask where you are from, Miss Helsinki?"

Helsinki caught Thorin's eye as Kili and Dis focussed on her. He slowly tipped his chin in a rather regal nod, which Helsinki assumed gave her permission to speak truthfully. "I'm from a city called London. It's quite big but so far away I don't think you would have heard of it," she said. Idly she wondered when they'd eat, seeing as the food was all on the table.

"I can't say I have ever heard of it. Brother?" Dis asked.

Thorin shook his head. "Nor I. 'Tis Gandalf's doing, bringing her here." Thorin looked around the table and then calmly reached for the potatoes, scooping a small mountain onto his plate before nodding to Dis, in what looked to be some kind of custom. Dis then dished herself up some carrots and stew from the pot, taking Helsinki's plate and loading it up too.

"Best get you some now, before my sons demolish it all," she sat, setting a good portion down in front of the doctor.

"Thank you," Helsinki said, looking around the table to make sure she was allowed to eat. Apparently so, Thorin was making headway into his potatoes and Fili was pushing all the broccoli he found to one side of his plate with a distasteful frown.

"You've met Gandalf? Is he very powerful?" Kili asked through a mouthful of meat.

"Manners! Kili!" Dis barked.

"But Ma!" Fili launched in to defend his brother, who hadn't blinked and was still awaiting Helsinki's verdict on Gandalf.

"Fili, we have a guest," Thorin said, just as Dis stepped in again. "That may be okay when you're on the road or down the pub, but not at this dinner table!"

Fili sat back in his seat, chastened, and went back to his stew, but not before booting his brother under the table.

Kili jumped and swallowed. "Oh sorry Miss Helsinki. What is Gandalf like?"

Helsinki squinted in thought, unsure how to proceed because while there may be many pleasant things to note about Gandalf, Helsinki was unfamiliar with all of them. "Well… he's tall," she started. "And he wears a lot of grey, too much if you ask me. I was only with him for about eight hours, so I didn't get the best impression."

Kili made a moue of disappointment. "He didn't do any magic? Slay any beasts?"

Did she really look like she'd been fighting wild animals? Was she that filthy looking after a few days without a good bath? "Uhm, no. To both, that is." She speared a piece of meat on her fork and stuck it in her mouth to try and end the conversation before she broke out in hives. Talking about the wizard did that to her.

Dis politely cleared her throat. "Tell me, Miss Helsinki, how did you come to be in the company of the wizard, so far from home?"

"I honestly have no clue," Helsinki replied. "I sort of just… woke up in Hobbiton. From there, the wizard took me to meet Thorin, and said that I can't get home until I complete some task for him."

Dis' eyes narrowed and she shared a look with her brother, something that Helsinki did not let go unnoticed. "Let us hope then, that he tells you of your task soon," the dam soothed after a pause. Helsinki gave her the best smile she could manage, but it felt more like a wobbly grimace; and judging by the softening around Dis' eyes and the tensing around her mouth, her ploy hadn't worked.

Luckily, Fili and Kili diverted everyone's attention by beginning an argument over the last bread roll that quickly became less of an argument and more of a scuffle. Kili was mostly on top of the table, legs kicking out and knocking his chair to the floor with a loud thump, and Fili had grabbed him by the collar and was, by Helsinki's understanding of the situation, making some kind of threat.

The lone bread roll, gripped by Kili, was squashed beyond recognition and slowly getting nearer and nearer to being dropped as Fili tightened his hold and Kili's face turned red. Impressively, the brunet was still gasping out taunts.

Thorin and Helsinki watched on with varying degrees of amusement, but Dis was having none of it. "FILI! LET GO OF YOUR BROTHER! KILI! STOP TAUNTING HIM, NEITHER OF YOU WILL BE HAVING BREAKFAST AT THIS RATE, YOU'RE MELTING MY HEAD, THE PAIR OF YOU!" Dis banged her fist on the table, making the plates jump in place. She looked imploringly at Thorin, who sighed and got to his feet.

Helsinki had to admit, the dark haired dwarf plucking his nephews up and prising them apart like scrapping ferrets was definitely one of the sexier things she'd even seen in her twenty-eight years.

"Apologise!" Dis demanded. The pair mumbled out an apology each, limply hanging in their uncles grasp like reprimanded kittens. Thorin dumped them both on the floor once he was happy, taking his seat and continuing with his dinner while his nephews grumbled to each other and rubbed at their necks. Dis retook her seat with a sniff. "I am sorry about them, Miss Helsinki, you'll get used to their racket soon enough," the dam patted Helsinki's hand.

"It's not a bother at all, Dis. I have brothers, they're much the same," she smiled at the kind woman who had taken her into her home with barely a second glance.

"Did you leave a family behind when you were brought here?"

"Parents, Grandparents, and my brothers and their children. We're all spread out though so I shouldn't be missed too much," Helsinki said, swallowing down the rising tears with a tense smile. Dis gave her another comforting pat on the hand.

"Tell her about your brothers," Thorin said, speaking up for the first time since he rebuked his nephew.

Helsinki frowned. "What? That they're morons?"

"Not that, the other thing," Thorin prompted with a dry expression.

"Ah, that thing," Helsinki realised. It wasn't her fault that she hadn't realised; she forgets that she's a triplet most of the time because it lost all of its glamour somewhere during highschool. She looked back to Dis, who was most intrigued. "I'm a triplet, with my two brothers."

Much like Thorin, Dis failed to understand at first. "What is a triplet? Is it like a warrior?"

Helsinki saw Thorin hide a grin in his mug. "No, it's like a twin, only there's three of us instead of two," she explained.

Dis visibly battled with this for some time.

"Three babes? I barely believe in twins!" Kili spluttered in alarm.

"I mean, I believe in twins, but three doesn't seem possible," added Fili, flicking his moustache, which was braided into two with beads getting involved towards the end.

"Unnatural," said Kili.

"Strange," said Fili.

"Enough," said Thorin.

Dis had recovered her faculties enough to speak to Helsinki. "You mean to tell me, in truth, that you are a twin of three?"

Helsinki nodded. "Odd phrasing, but yes, I am."

"And you believe this?" she looked to Thorin.

"I do," he confirmed. "She is very persuasive, and as far as I see, Helsinki has no reason to lie." Goddamn right she didn't, she hadn't seen much to be gained from lying about multiple births and whether or not she was a part of one.

"I swear to you, Dis, I am a triplet. There's quite a lot of evidence to the matter in my parents house," she said with a wrinkle of her nose. "There's… paintings, of my arrival, as well as my brothers' and they all took place on the same day."

"Unbelievable," Dis breathed. "A dwarf who has had three babes at once."

Helsinki grimaced at Thorin, who frowned deeply but made no move to correct his sister's understanding of her background. "Uh, yeah."

Fili peered at her over the rim of his mug of what looked to be milk. "You do not seem proud to be a triplet," he observed.

"Well I've been one my entire life and there's more than just me and my brothers back home, so there isn't so much to parade about," Helsinki replied, entranced by the swaying of Fili's moustache beads and how they were dripping with milk.

Kili's fork hit the table. "There's more?"

Uh oh. If she wasn't careful Helsinki might make some people in this region think she was from some sort of incredibly fertile line, and she'd be toted about as a broodmare. That's not to say she wasn't from a particularly fertile family, because she definitely was, if her family tree of twins and triplets was to be believed.

"There's… some," Helsinki answered. "Not lots, but a few like me. Twins too."

"Amazing," Dis said. "And your mother, is she… fine?"

Ah, she was asking if Helsinki's mother was alive, a fair question from someone who lived in a world sorely lacking medical care.

"She's fine, no harm done. She did threaten my father with castration if he ever came near her again though, after my brothers and I were born. And they've not had any more children for obvious reasons," Helsinki shrugged.

Dis' face was lax in shock, much to her brother's amusement. "But- how? Was it magic?"

Helsinki was perplexed; what was with these dwarves and thinking that she was conceived via magic? "Uhm, no, it wasn't magic because we don't really have magic where I'm from," she said. "I can explain, but perhaps not at the dinner table, it makes some people squeamish."

And indeed it did, though Helsinki had never really understood why. People had strange reactions to human anatomy, particularly female anatomy, and it was both amusing and frustrating. She had dealt with new parents where the father refused to be in the room at any point where the word 'vagina' was even referenced, and also had a couple expecting their third who might as well have been telepathically connected they were so involved with each other.

Naturally, things like this vary by race and location and even age, but scaring off her host over the dinner table didn't strike her as a very good idea, so Helsinki for once in her life, erred on the side of caution. Besides, they all wore so many layers she'd be surprised if they knew what they themselves looked like naked.

Dis appeared satisfied to wait for Helsinki's explanation another time, and turned her attention to her sons. "Boys, clean this up, I want the kitchen spotless by the time I'm ready for bed," she instructed firmly.

"But ma, you said it was Fili's turn to do the dishes, why do I have to?" Kili complained without pause.

Fili lurched upright indignantly. "Hey! What happened to loyalty?!"

"Enough you two, you both started wrestling at the table, so you're both doing the dishes. And because I said so," Dis nodded to herself, standing and stacking her plate on top of Kili's. "Now, get started before Miss Helsinki think's I've raised a pair of wargs."

Helsinki didn't know what a 'warg' was, but snickered nevertheless at Kili's despondent expression. "Please, just call me Helsinki, there's no need for Miss or any other title," she said. It'd drive her fucking batty if everyone in Middle Earth insisted on calling her Miss until the day she found her way home or died.

Dis eyed her with her hands on her hips. "Very well Helsinki, if you insist," she deferred. "Now, how about a bath?"

Helsinki got to her feet, trying not to give in to the knots of pain lodging up and down her left side. "I would like that," she admitted, "I feel filthy."

Dis gave her sons a sharp look before she motioned for Helsinki to follow her down the hall. She opened a door that was not fully stone like the others in the home, this one was more like a slab of rock set into two broad pieces of wood, with traditional hinges instead of the pivots Helsinki had seen on the other doors.

"Here you go my dear, there are some towels in the cupboard and some soap too. Take as long as you want," she smiled, which pulled her braided sideburns upwards and further into her hair.

"But Thorin-?"

Dis waved her off. "My brother spent half of his childhood covered in all kinds of muck, he can manage another hour or two," she dismissed, retreating back to the kitchen where Thorin was just stepping out.

Unlike the rest of the mountain kingdom as Helsinki had seen, Thorin's home was appropriately sized for a dwarf. Whereas everything outside was scaled to make even a giraffe feel like a midget, the carved house Helsinki found herself in was, in effect, normal sized. She didn't have to crane her head to see the eyes of a statue, and Thorin's head actually very nearly brushed the top of the doorways.

He saw her staring, and stepped closer. "Are you well, Helsinki? I apologise for my nephews, they are rather high spirited, tonight especially," he had to tilt his head down to keep Helsinki in his view, something she reckoned wouldn't have been necessary had a certain wizard not interfered in her life.

"Oh, no it's not that, Fili and Kili remind me of my brothers and I when we were young. No harm done, I've been there, I just have more appreciation for my parents now" she reassured him with a grin.

"Let me see that," Dis' voice echoed from the kitchen.

"It's clean, amad, I swear!" Fili replied.

"Yeah, Ma!" Kili joined in.

"Clean? I can see last night's dinner on this, wash it again and mind you scrub it properly too," Dis snorted. The boys chattered back an argument but they were speaking too fast and over the top of one another so Helsinki struggled to make out their words.

Thorin sighed and looked away from the kitchen doorway. "Still, I apologise for-"

"KILI I SWEAR IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, I WILL HAVE YOU POLISHING THE SILVER WITH YOUR TONGUE!"

"-the noise," Thorin finished with the defeated air of someone who had heard the particular argument one too many times.

Helsinki chuckled, and recalled her initial problem. She coughed. "Actually, I, uh, I don't really have any other clothes to change into, after my bath," she said. She really had wanted to channel the direct and brash doctor persona she was brilliant at, the one that never felt embarrassment and took everything in her stride, but something held her back. Perhaps tiredness, or maybe something else, Helsinki felt like she was nearing the end of her rope and couldn't muster the strength needed to not care about something.

"Ah," Thorin hummed. "I am sure that my sister has something that you can borrow-"

"WHY DOES THE CEILING NEED TO BE POLISHED?! IT'S NOT LIKE IT CAN GET DIRTY!"

"ONE MORE WORD AND YOU'LL BOTH BE SCRUBBING THE FLOOR WITH BOOT POLISHERS FOR THE NEXT MONTH!"

"-but seeing as she is occupied I shall find you something for the moment, if you will excuse me," Thorin tipped his head and vanished down the hall, leaving Helsinki to linger and listen to the racket in the kitchen.

Thorin returned quickly, a dark grey bundle of fabric held in one fist. He offered it to Helsinki, averting his eyes, something Helsinki found strange seeing as he liked to make intensely uncomfortable eye contact most of the time. It was like a bloody optometrists visit.

"Here, you may wear this," he said. Helsinki took the fabric, which was incredibly soft and thick.

"Thank you, Thorin," she said, shuffling backwards. "I'm just gonna," she jerked her thumb back into the bathroom with an awkward grin. He bowed his head stiffly, cheeks flashing pink.

"Of course, I must-" Thorin was cut off by a barrage from the kitchen. Helsinki waved as he stalked down the corridor purposefully. _What a mood shift_, she wondered.

The bathroom was stunning, like something out of one of those incredible themed hotels. The ceiling arched inwards, rings of different coloured rocks bowing until they met at a single stalactite that jaggedly pierced the centre of the room. It was carefully hollowed in the middle to create a space for a candle, which along with the many others placed in the room, lit the greyish walls in a golden glow. The bath was set into an enclave, carved out and smoothed until it shone with small grains of rock and the tiniest spots of rich, blue coloured stone. Helsinki eyed the pump handle set beside it, and warily gave it a pump. When her surroundings didn't explode, she assumed it was the right thing to do and continued until a steaming bath full of water was waiting for her. It smelt somewhat of sulphur, so it was, she theorised, drawn up from underground hot springs via what must be an impressive piece of medieval plumbing.

With the water too hot to bathe in, Helsinki set about stripping and removing her leg, after double checking that the door was locked. She didn't care if she was caught nude, but missing a leg would be hard to explain.

Leg off, liner and sleeve awaiting a wash by the sink because the smelled, Helsinki took stock of herself.

Never had she looked worse, and that was including the days immediately following her surgery.

Her hair, normally curled and held in a bun or ponytail, was a snarled mass of light coppery knots around her head. It was much thicker and coarser, and had lost the ability to curl by itself due to the new weight. Her eyebrows were thicker, and somehow this made her face appear less dainty as a whole, drawing attention to her cheekbones and her straight nose. Her freckles had disappeared under the fine film of dirt that coated her, and terrible blue stains crept under her tired eyes.

Everywhere else seemed okay, if very sore and dirty. Her side was healing well, stitches intact and, if Helsinki was to believe her eyes, probably okay to remove within a day or two. Despite feeling bruised, there were none to be found anywhere, even if her arse felt like it had been beaten with a sledgehammer.

So she had to face the facts, finally. As Gandalf had told her, he had turned her into a dwarf, or at least tried to. It was hard to tell because everything was to her scale, but Helsinki assumed that she was indeed shorter than her previous height of 5'6. Perhaps Gandalf wasn't very good at turning people into dwarves, or maybe they all had smallish figures under their layers, but compared to Dis, Helsinki was certain she was on the scrawny side for a dwarf. Her ratio of bits to pieces looked the same, her hands weren't large like Thorin's and her arms and legs remained the same as they always had been.

She was, however, hairier and flatter than she had been a few days ago. Even with only one leg, Helsinki kept it smooth out of preference (who the fuck was she out trying to impress?) as well as her underarms. Now, it appeared that she was covered in a layer of hair everywhere, under the dirt, and what was previously smooth or trimmed, was long and curly. Including her sideburns.

Helsinki was beginning to think that Gandalf hadn't turned her into a dwarf at all, but had instead just made her hairier. And flatter, her next point of contention.

Now, Helsinki had never been spectacularly endowed, she took after her mother in that sense. Respectable D cups had been in her possession for many years now, having been obtained somewhere around the same time as acne and a distaste for life as a whole. And now, they were mysteriously gone. So far gone that what she had assumed were her tits all these past days, was actually just the cups of her bra, now useless.

She was flatter than a ten year old boy. Well, as she inspected, there was some fat tissue still there, but considerably less. Not even enough to fit an A cup.

She gritted her jaw, angry tears filling her eyes. That fucking wizard had taken everything from her, including her tits. What a bastard.

She washed until she finally felt clean, and smelt pleasantly of honey and lavender. Her leg was okay, a bit swollen but everything had long healed over so she wasn't so much concerned about open wounds as she was about overusing irritated tissue.

After using the facilities, and praising the toilet deity for bestowing her with the ability to use one, finally, her leg was tugged back on and sealed into place with a grim set of her jaw. How she hated putting the wretched thing on.

Next she replaced her underwear, seeing as Thorin wasn't likely to have given her a pair of knickers, and shook out the clothes he had lent her. A stormy grey tunic with some kind of quilted padding down the sides was thrown over her damp head, dousing her in cedar. She stood, muscles protesting, and pulled on the pair of pants he had given her too, a light grey pair that pooled at her feet and she had to hold to her waist to stop them from falling, even with the drawstring pulled tight.

Dirty clothes held to her chest, Helsinki shuffled to her room, nearly tripping in tiredness. She passed the kitchen, where Dis was sitting at the table with a wooden board in front of her. "Goodnight," Helsinki offered politely. "Thank you, again."

"'Tis not a problem, Helsinki," Dis smiled over at her, eyes flicking over her guest's outfit. "Now get some rest, you look as though you'll fall over any minute."

Helsinki nodded and closed the door behind her, dropping her clothes to the floor and flopping onto the bed to take her leg off and sleep properly. Just as she was releasing the vacuum seal and pulling the prosthesis away, planning on hiding it on the other side of the bed out of view of the door, Thorin's baritone caught her attention.

Even with stone walls, the pivot hinge the door sat on allowed a sliver of light through, as well as a gap under the door. This, combined with stone walls and Thorin's carrying voice, was enough for Helsinki to hear very clearly what was being said outside.

"Why do you stare at me, Dis?" asked Thorin.

"I am waiting for you to tell me about your guest," said Dis.

"I thought you liked Helsinki," replied Thorin. A mug was set down.

"I do, I must say she is an interesting character. Never seen a dwarf like her, and to be tasked by a wizard. She must be something special," Dis said.

"Indeed," Thorin agreed. There was a pause. "What is it?"

"Special, isn't she?" Dis' voice was lilted and smug. "I can see it brother, you cannot hide it from me-"

"Quiet, Dis!" Thorin hissed. Helsinki cocked her head. Sure, she supposed being picked by a wizard was pretty special, but Thorin's reaction sounded a bit harsh.

Dis sniffed. "I only tell what I see, brother."

"You'll see nothing," said Thorin firmly. "She is intent on completing her task and being returned home, nothing more, Dis. She is only here because Gandalf needed somewhere for her to stay."

"And why not give her a room at the inn?"

"She is from a land so far away that everything is new to her here," Thorin answered. "I did not want to see what damages she could cause unsupervised."

Helsinki frowned at the door indignantly - she'd figured out the bath without set fire to anything! She was perfectly capable and an adult, not some toddler who liked matches.

"But here, to our home? Come now brother… that is unusual for you, unless there were certain circumstances to consider..." Dis drew out loftily.

"I did not think leaving her alone in a new world would be acceptable," said Thorin after a moment.

Dis coughed and the sound of a cup clanking onto a saucer reached Helsinki's ears. "A new world? By Mahal's hammer Thorin, where do you think the girl is from?" she spluttered.

"Somewhere very far away, sister. She speaks of things I have never heard of, complexities in healing that you wouldn't believe. In her bag she carried the strangest of items. She has stitched herself and I have never seen such fine work," Thorin said intently. "Dis, she told me that before a few days ago, she was not a dwarf, but a woman of Men instead."

"Impossible," Dis breathed.

"Nay, it is not impossible when that wizard is involved. He took her from her home for a task, something he is hiding but insists Helsinki is the right person for," Thorin continued. "Helsinki knows nothing, not of our people, our language, our history, or customs, and you cannot deny that her features are not very dwarven. She tells the truth. She is not a full-blooded dwarf at the very least."

"I suppose," Dis considered. "It does seem rather odd though, to turn a woman into a dam for a task."

"He is a wizard, what did you expect?" grunted Thorin. Helsinki snorted softly. "Helsinki is most upset about the task she must complete to return home."

"Upset? She does not want to do it?"

"Gandalf chose her, sister, but she did not offer her services. He merely sent her here as she was and informed her of what he expects. She may return once his task is finished," Thorin explained, voice lower.

"_What?_" Dis barked. "Blackmail? He is blackmailing a dam? Or a woman, it does not matter. He is blackmailing her?" Helsinki felt a rush of fond affection for Dis and smiled, tears wetting her hands.

"Aye, that is what I make of it too," Thorin said. "She may not want to complete the wizards task, but Helsinki strikes me as determined to return home."

"That is my next point; he kidnapped her? Stole her from her home?"

"Indeed," Thorin flatly replied. "I am as displeased as you are."

"I would wager you are more displeased than I!" Dis must have stood because a chair squeaked on the floor. "You make sure that wizard does not come here, I mean it Thorin. His intentions may be good, and I know what he is offering our people for your quest, but that does not excuse what he has done to Helsinki."

Thorin was silent. "Now, I will make sure she is looked after so long as she is here. She might've been taken from her home but I can at least make her comfortable here, and give her some basic information to help her fit in and complete her task," Dis declared. Helsinki sunk into the bed, gazing at the stone door fondly. It takes a special person to care for strangers as though they were family, and it turned out that Dis was their leader. The dam was very firmly placing herself in Helsinki's corner, largely at the judgement of her brother.

"Sister, she does not even know what her task is yet, you have no way of helping her prepare for it," Thorin pointed out, damningly logical.

"But you think it has something to do with your quest?"

"It is your quest too, sister," Thorin protested.

"I'm not nearly dumb enough to stick my name on that death wish you intent on taking my sons on," Dis replied. Helsinki wasn't sure what the quest was, but it sounded like Dis had a lot of problems with it taking place.

"Dis-"

"I do not wish to speak further on this, Thorin," said Dis. "You know how I feel but I understand that you will go, and Fili and Kili will follow." There was a drawn out quiet in which Helsinki lay back and tucked herself under the quilts, shoving a pillow down by her stump to keep herself comfortable.

"Now, about Helsinki," Dis began. "She may not know of her task but that won't stop me helping her prepare. I shall find her some clothes and items in the market tomorrow, and teach her our ways so that she can blend in while she is here."

"She is not a dwarf, not truly," Thorin warned, and Helsinki pulled a face in confusion. What did learning how to blend in have to do with her being only recently a dwarf?

"She's one now and that's good enough for me," Dis refuted. "The Maker would not have allowed her to become a dwarf if it was not meant to be taken seriously. I shall show her our home and history, and perhaps she will do the same for me."

"She is a healer, though with more complex training I believe," said Thorin, quietly.

"Good, then there's one less thing I have to teach her before that wizard sends out his demands. Now, I am off to bed, see to it that you follow soon, Thorin," Dis said in lieu of goodnight, before footsteps passed by Helsinki's door and she was swallowed by sleep.

**Thank you all for reading, contact me with ideas, input, or questions! Please let me know if you want these dwarves to be prudes or nudes! I can't decide, they both have some benefits to the story so I leave it for you to tell me what you would rather see. **

**A.K.**


	7. Never Get out of Bed

**Here it is, chapter seven! I hope you all enjoy it, and many thanks to everyone who answered my question last chapter! Thank you for reviewing to the astonishing **_**Susan, **_**the stunning **_**Ballroom Rittz, **_**the awe-inspiring **_**Kelwtim2spar, **_**the phenomenal **_**Ghouly-Girl, **_**the lovely **_**Shannyrox101, **_**the bewitching **_**TomRiddlesTwin, **_**the delightful **_**Priya24626, **_**the magnificent **_**AureliaLyannaMoon, **_**the ravishing **_**A5mia, **_**and the beautiful **_**lullabydono! **_

**You all mean so much to me and I thank you all for your support!**

**All rights to Jackson, Newline Cinema, and Tolkien his holiness. **

**As usual, if you have any ideas, requests or questions, send them my way and I'll get back to you.**

Happiness does not exist in two states; there and not. It actually exists more like a tide, rising and falling below a median line, thus, one cannot be happy all of the time but must experience a low tide of sadness or an incoming tide of emptiness. When the tide of happiness lingers in the middle, sometimes motivation can pull it up to the happy mark. Likewise, a good push can send it flooding backwards, into a sodden wave of melancholy.

Growing up in a household of three children, Helsinki was well accustomed to lively mornings and the trials of having to do battle to get first dibs on anything. For the entirety of her teenage years she had almost daily fights with her brothers over the bathroom, arguments through the walls about chores, and physical altercations about inconsequentially minor happenings. She used to wake up every morning rain or shine to either the shower running behind the wall directly beside her bed, or her brothers yelling at each other on the stairs. And if it was the latter, she would often get out of bed to witness the fight, which happened one out of five mornings. The three of them were often late for school for obvious reasons.

Now in Middle Earth, sleeping inside a fucking mountain-city, Helsinki woke not to her alarm, or internal clock telling her that her shift was due to start. She didn't even wake to loud voices or the dulcet sounds of a good fight. She woke to the sound of her fireplace crackling warmly.

For a moment she lay there and stared up at the ceiling, where the stone had been carved away from the corners in geometric runes. It was very different to the white ceiling of her bedroom back home, or the dented one at her parents house from the time she had tried to stick Pawel's new toy up there. Helsinki allowed herself to wallow for a while, listening distantly to Dis' husky voice and Thorin's baritone.

When she had first had the bad news, that an X-ray for a sore knee had detected some anomalies that could potentially be quite serious, Helsinki had lay on her couch and stared at her ceiling, reading right through the doctor's words. She had used them herself in the past. She prepared herself for the worst and agreed to further scans, not yet telling her parents. If she was staring up at the ceiling she couldn't see her leg.

A month later and alone in an office nicer than she could ever hope of getting her hands on, Helsinki sternly stared down the stupid pamphlets the specialist had handed her and held her trembling lip in check. The doctor had left her to consider her options, brightly informing her that she has all the education and background to make the right one for herself. That night she called her parents, talking them through the hysteria calmly while she gazed up at her dingy ceiling.

Very vividly, from that day Helsinki could recall operating on some distant autopilot, spending a lot of her time lying on her bed and pointedly staring up at her ceiling so she didn't have her leg in view. She memorised every pockmark and stain on that rented, shitty ceiling in Islington, and after spending an entire night crying under it, she made the move from distant to livid. Every appointment she had ended with her sobbing with rage in front of a doctor with the same placidly sympathetic expression she knew well.

A fresh morning in September found her blankly staring up at a pristine white ceiling, fluorescents gazing down on her with wobbly haloes, filmy with tears. Unfamiliar faces hidden behind masks moved in and out of her vision, and a gentle eyed nurse stroked her cheek as her eyes drooped shut.

A new ceiling was what she stared at for the next week and a half, quietly getting on with her recovery without looking at the bandages that climbed her leg. Helsinki talked with her parents, and with Sebastian and Pawel, who had flown in the day after her surgery. She allowed herself to smile and laugh with her brothers as they investigated her room and the machines she was hooked to, ate what she was given, and gracefully accepted her mother's help bathing.

In the months following, there were many days that Helsinki couldn't cope with, and so she simply gazed up at her ceiling, or the physio center's ceiling, or the hospital's ceiling. Bland white canvases of water damage and poor paint jobs were better than seeing scar tissue, or a space where a leg once was. It was better than crutching around her flat because she didn't want to put her prosthetic on, or pitifully calling her parents because she couldn't get out of bed by herself because of horrible pain. Staying low was always better than getting herself up and motivated, and then seeing blank space. Better than flexing her toes and seeing only five of them move even though she used muscles in both legs. Staring at her ceiling and wallowing was better than getting up and plummeting back down again.

Helsinki spent a lot of her time staring at ceilings. She had worked hard for some months now, and the down days were outnumbered by up days, or at the very least, middle days in which she wasn't great, but she also wasn't trying to telepathically connect with her ceiling.

Helsinki missed her own ceiling. It might have been years since she last pushed Pawel down the stairs or shut the bathroom door on Sebastian's fingers, but she missed that too, quite rawly. She felt like she had been dumped at the bottom of a mountain with no guide, no answers, and only one leg.

Why had her home been moved to the top of a mountain?

But, as glum as she was, Sebastian would not be round to threaten her with a cattle prod to get her out of bed, nor would her mother call to make sure she was okay. Helsinki, for the first time since she had lost her leg, would have to be motivated on her own. And, as all motivation does, it begins by putting on your prosthetic leg.

Helsinki found a pile of clothing left for her beside a pitcher and bowl of warmed water. She pulled the clothes on, a woollen pair of stockings and a rusty coloured dress that drenched her figure in heavy fabric measured for someone far broader than she. Helsinki, looking like a child playing dress up, ruffled her hair out and tied it atop her head, finishing off her ensemble by swallowing her medication dry.

Fresh and alert, she made her way into the kitchen, where she found Fili and Kili chatting over bowls of porridge. They both paused and nodded at her in greeting, the former nudging a chair out for her while the latter shovelled spoons of sugar into his bowl while furtively looking over at the doorway.

Helsinki took her seat gratefully, smiling at the boys. "Morning," she murmured.

"Good morning, Miss Helsinki," Fili greeted with a smile that tugged at his moustache beads. He must have kicked Kili because the brunet jolted in his seat and glared at his brother. Helsinki bit her lip in an aborted smile.

"Morning Miss Helsinki," he said, not taking his eyes off of Fili. "Amad's in the washroom, feel free to eat as you please," he gestured to the spread on the table while leaning to see if he could spy his mother from around the corner. Helsinki took in the dwarven breakfast in front of her. Normally, she downed a large cup of coffee that was more milk than caffeine with a shot or two of caramel, and maybe shoved a bit of bread in her mouth if she was feeling in the mood for solid food. The table in front of her didn't have coffee, but there was a heavy looking kettle of something that smelled like tea, a sliced loaf of dark bread, a pat of butter next to a pair of jars of jam, a darker spread that looked rather like marmite, and a plate of fried fish.

Helsinki plucked a piece of the dark bread and smeared it with butter, adding the possibly-marmite after giving it a sniff just to be sure. "Just Helsinki is fine," she told them.

"Is that what they called you back in your own world?" Kili blurted out. He clearly wasn't supposed to have said anything because his brother booted him again with a sharp look and a glance at Helsinki.

The blonde surprised herself by laughing, tipping her head back. "I see I'm not the only one who finds voices carry quite well in this house," she said. "You believe me then?"

Fili and Kili shrugged and exchanged a look. "If Uncle Thorin trusts you, so do we," Fili said, unerringly faithful.

"And Ma too. Never a better judge of character," Kili added. "We are sorry to hear about what happened, though."

Helsinki smiled at the brothers properly, some of the foggy clouds dispersing with the warm smiles she was being given. "Thank you," she looked around, noting Thorin's absence. "Where is your uncle?"

"He left some minutes ago for a meeting with the main traders. I shouldn't think he'll be back before dinner knowing that lot," Fili shook his head over his bowl.

"Horrible lot, are they?" Helsinki asked, putting her knife down.

Kili gave her a look reminiscent of a school girl with delicious gossip. "You have no idea, Helsinki. Like angry goats in a wire box they are."

Helsinki was reminded of Pawel discussing his superiors; he'd never hated anything more than sitting through firm meetings with what he called 'The Oldest Ballsacks in Existence'. She took a bite of her bread, savoring the novel taste of the spread. A bit like marmite, but with a more beer-like taste. "I like this, what is it?" she mumbled through a mouthful of crumbs.

Fili stuck his tongue out and pulled a face. "It is garg'ezhul, dark ale salt spread."

"A bit dividing but I like it," Kili helped himself to a spoon of the stuff, staring at his brother's disgusted face. "A good helping daily will put hair on your chest."

"That's the only reason you like it, eh brother," Fili smirked into his mug. Helsinki looked up from her bread, finely-tuned radar honing in on an escalating situation. While the barb went over her head, it clearly hit home for Kili, who dropped his mug with a loud clatter and launched himself over the table to tackle Fili. The chair tipped and sent both brothers to the floor, taking two bowls of porridge, a mug of milk, and a large amount of cutlery with them. Helsinki took a bite of bread and considered yelling for Dis.

"Take it back!" Kili grunted, wrestling to pin his brother's arms.

Fili wriggled and flung out an arm, smacking his brother in the face. The blow was enough for him to overturn them and gain the upperhand. "I have nothing to take back!"

Kili, hair sitting in a puddle of spilled milk, grabbed the abandoned mug and whacked Fili over the head with it, trying to shove the blond to the floor with a curse. "Apologise!"

"No!"

Helsinki leaned over in her seat to get a better look at the fight, chewing thoughtfully on her bread while she watched. Definitely more practiced than her brothers, Fili and Kili were showing considerable skill but no aggression, unlike the Alphecca household where the aggression was off the charts but there was very little skill involved.

The table jumped and shrieked as it was pushed further and further away from her, every so often one of the boys would use it as leverage and accidentally push it until it had moved quite away from Helsinki's seat. She leaned back to avoid a flailing arm, and resumed her breakfast, content with the entertainment. Never a better way to start the day than by watching siblings have a fight, it was as if she was home.

The lengths these dwarves were going to (unknowingly) to make her feel at home was incredible.

Dis chose that moment to storm into the kitchen, hands on her hips, towel in her hair, and shirt in her hands. Helsinki automatically averted her gaze but seeing as Dis was the one standing shirtless in her own house, Helsinki looked back after a moment of flustered embarrassment. It wasn't as though it was something she hadn't seen before.

"BOYS!" Dis yelled. Fili and Kili froze, looking up at their irate mother from their smeared puddle of porridge and cutlery. They scrambled to their feet, yelling over each other in a bid to be heard. A smeared mess of porridge and milk coated the floor under their feet, Fili had a fork wound tightly into his hair and the hood of Kili's blue tunic was steadily dripping oats to the floor. Helsinki watched, entertainment resumed.

"It was his fault Ma, he started it!"

"I started it? You attacked me!"

"You insulted my beard!"

"What beard? I insulted your lack of chest hair," Fili retorted. Kili swung a punch at his arm with a ground out curse, Fili reaching an arm out to secure a headlock before their mother intervened. Dis pinched the bridge of her prominent nose and shook her head.

"I will deal with you later, for now you are both late for your appointments. Change quickly and go, but be warned, I'm leaving this mess for you to clean up!" she yelled after her sons as they vanished, stripping as they went.

Dis ambled over and took a seat beside Helsinki, avoiding the mess on the floor. "I am sorry about their behaviour, Kili's a bit touchy at the moment and Fili doesn't know when to keep quiet," she said.

Helsinki, trying not to stare or remark on the dam's lack of breasts, took a cup and poured herself some tea to distract them both. "I don't mind, my brothers and I were the exact same. I remember shoving Pawel's head into a bowl of cereal because he took the last of it," she reministed. She also punched out a pane of glass for a reason she can't recall that same morning, but the punishment remains embedded in her memory; cleaning under her brother's beds.

Dis gratefully took the offered tea and added a splash of cream and some sugar. She clucked her tongue as her spoon hit the bottom of the bowl. "That boy and his sugar," she grumbled, stirring her tea.

"Bye Ma!"

"See you later!" Fili and Kili raced past the kitchen, pulling on clean coats and socks frantically. Fili was battling with the fork in his hair while trying to put his boots on at the same time, and Kili had reached the door and pulled it open, but hadn't yet realised that he was trying to pull his sock on over his boot.

Dis just shook her head. "Idiots, just like their father was."

"Everyone's got to be an idiot at some point, better do it when you're young," Helsinki said, taking a sip of her tea. It was quite sweet, with a mild floral flavour and a very black colour. She stared down into the cup and gave it a curious stir.

"Well said, Helsinki," said Dis. "But Kili's nearly eighty, he should know better. And Fili's eighty-two he definitely knows better."

Helsinki inhaled her sip of tea and sneezed it out over the table, hacking loudly. "Jesus- Christ- what did you say?" she wheezed, hitting herself in the chest.

Dis came to her aid and whopped her on the back a few times. "Are you alright dear?" she smothered a laugh.

"Fine," Helsinki coughed. "That tea isn't good to inhale though."

Dis clucked her tongue and wiped down the table. "I suggest not inhaling it then."

Helsinki refrained from making a rude hand gesture. "How old did you say Fili and Kili are?"

"Kili is seventy-seven, and Fili recently turned eighty-two," said Dis, sipping her tea.

Helsinki's eyes threatened to leave her head altogether. "Seventy-seven? I thought that they were my age!"

"And how old are you, my dear?" Dis asked, eyeing her over the rim of her cup with twinkling brown eyes.

"I'm twenty-eight. I'll be twenty-nine in April!" Helsinki shrieked. "How the fuck do your sons look so good for their age?" A thought crossed her mind and she peered closely at Dis. "How old are you?"

"I am approaching my one-hundred and eightieth birthday," Dis smiled at her.

Helsinki's jaw dropped and her eyes roved the dam's face searching for magical signs of anti-aging. Other than some small wrinkles around her eyes and deep laugh lines, Dis looked younger than Helsinki's mum. "You look fucking amazing," she marvelled.

Dis gave her a booming laugh and patted her hand. "Oh thank you dear, it has been too long since I was last complimented so openly!"

"How old is Thorin?" Helsinki asked, having pegged him for being in his forties perhaps - something she had clearly underestimated very severely.

"My brother is one-hundred and ninety-five, ninety six this coming winter," Dis informed her. "Dwarrow of our line have been known to frequently exceed three-hundred years, however," she added when Helsinki audibly gasped.

"Holy shit you're all ancient," she said. What the fuck was up with this lot?

Dis laughed again. "You have much to learn, dear, and perhaps not long to learn it all. Dwarrow live to around two-hundred and fifty, give or take a decade or two. My family is of a direct line of Durin and tends to do better, however."

"Jesus christ that's insane," Helsinki wondered. "How do you keep yourself entertained? Doesn't it get boring, living that long?"

"I have two sons who make sure I can never be bored," Dis smirked. "And all dwarrow have a craft, something we dedicate our lives to, sometimes even over love."

Helsinki's eyes were like umbrellas. "That's… I don't even know how to come to terms with that," she admitted. "This is a lot to take in, I only really realised this wasn't a dream yesterday!"

"Take your time, Helsinki," Dis soothed. "I do not see a rush to learn everything about Middle Earth so quickly."

A thought occured to Helsinki. "You said all dwarves have a craft, does that mean I have to have one? Because I'm sure I can do something and earn some money, so I can get out of your hair-"

Dis stopped her with a hand on her panicking fingers. "My brother explained the situation you find yourself in to me, Helsinki, and while I can't claim to know anything about magic or other worlds, I have decided to make sure you can live here for as long as you need. Magic nor not, you are a dwarrowdam now, and I won't see you struggle."

Helsinki, having heard this the night before but didn't want Dis to know that, would have pretended to be touched, only to find that she really was. Looking into Dis' kind and motherly face, as the dam held her hand and smiled gently at her, Helsinki felt, for the thousandth time in so few days, a tear fall down her cheek.

"Thank you so much," she said. Like a pair of bricks had been removed from her shoulders, a little of the itchy weight she carried was lifted.

"No matter dear," Dis said. "Now, show me what clothes you have and we can decide what you need and get them at the market. You're on the scrawny side, so it may just be easier to take in some of my old things rather than have items made," the dam stood with urgent industriousness.

A deep sense of foreboding rose in Helsinki's gut.

When Dis had told her that she intended to teach Helsinki to assimilate into Dwarven culture and Middle Earth, Helsinki hadn't realised how soon the dam intended to begin their lessons. The answer was immediately.

Dis put her shirt on, a rich green blouse that tucked into her full skirt, and then pulled an elaborate surcoat on after, with golden embroidered designs and a sweeping skirt. Helsinki already didn't fit the clothes she wore very well, and didn't fancy adding more baggy layers to the whole ensemble, so she settled for allowing Dis to cinch her waist in with a fine leather belt wrapped twice and tied for added security. It didn't help much, she still looked like a child playing dress up next to Dis.

The first place Dis took her was the laundry rooms, where she dropped off a large wicker basket of clothes to the protesting of a young girl with fluffy sideburns. "Oh no, Lady Dis, I could have come and collected this for you, it's my job!" she flustered, taking the basket and setting it on her hip.

Dis chuckled. "I know Halȗna, but it's my job to make your job easier," she replied over the sound of a roaring fire and swishing water.

The girl dipped her head. "I do not think that that is your job, your ladyship."

As impressive as the manners on this girl was (and Helsinki wasn't exaggerating, if she'd been asked to call anyone a Lady at any age she'd have flung mud at them), she was distracted by the engenuity of the dwarves, who had constructed some kind of medieval industrial sized dryer, warmed by a fire and spun with a hand crank and a grumpy looking dwarf. While Dis continued speaking with the girl, probably apologising for the amount of porridge she was going to find embedded in the fabric, Helsinki gazed around the room. Central was a large pool with a bumpy sluice into the water, which burbled in from somewhere above them. Every few minutes a gate would open and steaming water rushed into the pool, churning up more bubbles from the soap steeping into the water like tea leaves. She was brought back to the present by Dis, who had tapped her on the arm.

"Helsinki, I believe you brought down some laundry? Halȗna is a marvel, she'll get your things nice and clean by the time we're finished in the markets," Dis said. Halȗna blushed and turned as red as her hair, politely dipping into a curtsy for Helsinki.

Helsinki, having grown up in a middle class family in Reading and not on the ground of Kensington Palace, had no idea how to respond to a curtsey nor why she was being curtsey-ed at. So she awkwardly grinned and waved.

"Halȗna, at your service your ladyship," the girl introduced formally.

Wondering if this was how the queen felt, Helsinki inclined her head, not wanting to risk bending into a curtsey, slipping, and smashing her head open on the stone ledge of the washing pool. "Helsinki, at yours and your familys," she replied, as Kili had mentioned the night before. As strange as the greeting was to Helsinki, it had apparently been quite good because Halȗna brightly smiled at her, free hand pulling at her apron.

"I will take very good care of your clothing, Lady Helsinki, Lady Dis has informed me of your travels and to be careful with the fabric," Halȗna sincerely said.

Helsinki dug in her bag and pulled out the bundle of clothing from home, as well as the items borrowed from Bilbo. Her t-shirt from home, a lovely boxy cut AC/DC ringer print, was bedraggled with a bloody blot and matching hole from her stab wound, and the black and white plaid shirt was hardly any better. The jacket was a bit mucky but had survived well enough, as had everything else.

She handed the pile of clothes to the red-headed girl, who took them with one hand and set them atop of Dis' basket. "Thank you, Halȗna," she said.

The girl, whose eyes had widened at the sight of Helsinki's retro-printed shirt and whose mouth had gaped a little bit, bobbed and scurried off after shaking away her shock.

Dis took Helsinki by the arm, leading her up and out of the laundry room. "Now we must get going, there's a lot to do today and Halȗna is the fastest laundress there is."

They went first to a lower market near the laundry, which was good because it meant that Helsinki didn't have to brave so many stairs, but also bad because it turned out that Dis, never having had a daughter to dress, was enjoying holding clothes up to Helsinki far more than Helsinki was enjoying being present. It was largely a lost cause because Helsinki lacked the figure of a dam and nothing was remotely close to being able to fit her.

Dis frowned, switching between a garnet dress and an emerald one. "I think the emerald would go best with your colouring," she mused.

Helsinki knew it would, but that wouldn't stop her hating wearing the colour. "Dis, I haven't got any money," she said.

"I know, but you need some undergarments at least. And we can most definitely find you a dress to be your own, even if we need to take in a bit," Dis replied, putting the dresses down.

"A bit? A lot," Helsinki snorted, plucking a dark skirt off of a rack.

Dis chuckled and held up a black blouse in a surprisingly modern fashion. Well, it looked sort of fifties in cut, but the style had been coming back into the streets of London, so it was modern enough for Helsinki.

"I like that," Helsinki said, fingering a stiff, flared hem.

"How much?" Dis asked the dam selling it, a brunette with a tortoiseshell cat draped over her shoulders, sound asleep.

"That one there's five silver, my lady," she said. Helsinki frowned at the title again. "I've been having trouble moving it to tell you the truth, I made it with scrap fabric from a gown, it's quite a small fit."

Dis smiled at her. "It just so happens that we are in need of a small fit, Mistress Inka."

"Oh, aye?" Inka answered with a wizened smile. She turned her sharp gaze to Helsinki, who was still holding the skirt, which was a very deep shade of forest green, nearly black in most lighting. "Give it a try then, mi'lady."

Inka drew back a purple curtain to reveal a fitting room, complete with a little step stool. Shyly, Helsinki took the shirt from Dis and tried it on, finding it fit reasonably well. It was definitely made for someone with larger hips, but it looked nice enough anyways. She pulled back the curtain to show Dis, who beamed.

"It looks lovely on you Helsinki. And such an unusual style of blouse," she commented.

"Ah, I was experimenting with the style halfling lasses wear," Inka said. "But I went with a more stately collar."

Dis nodded in approval. "It looks good, we shall take it, and the skirt too, Mistress Inka."

Helsinki changed back and barely had time to thank Inka before Dis was whisking her off to look at another stall, this one discreetly shielded and selling underwear. Very long, full coverage type underwear. It was strange, but could be tolerated so long as Gandalf's task for her didn't involve trekking through a desert or anywhere that gets sunny.

Helsinki refused to try anything on because the modern, doctor woman in her was all too aware of the health and safety violations that entailed, and so grimly accepted Dis' fussing and holding different sizes of underwear up to her waist. The stall owner appeared incredibly embarrassed on Helsinki's behalf, being treated like an errant toddler in a mall, but Helsinki had grown up with two brothers and a nurse for a mother. All of the shopping completed in her childhood had been done in exactly this way, because Aspen didn't have time to corral three children into changing rooms.

The stall owner seemed relieved to see the back of them, bowing low as Dis towed Helsinki out of the market and up further into the mountain. Helsinki glanced back to wave at him, wondering why the hell such a skittish dwarf was selling underwear if he couldn't handle the implication of someone having to wear it.

Thankfully the stairs Dis had elected to take were busy, and so Helsinki was able to disguise her slow pace up them by lagging behind a dwarf so old he was shedding dust with every step.

The stairs parted to a grand opening, through which the market Helsinki recalled seeing the night before was sprawled. Indeed, up above the entrance bridge arched over, less busy than down below. The markets, from what Helsinki could see, were ringed in by eight large carved dwarves holding various tools and weapons. Their stone legs framed arched gateways, some of which went upwards and some of which travelled down. Amazed, Helsinki turned to Dis.

"What is this?"

"This is the main market, primarily crafts made from the products of the mines," said Dis. She pointed at one of the dwarf statues, this one holding a large stone. "Entrances to six of the mines are here, see, this one holds many of our gem exports." Dis led Helsinki over to a stall, where a stern dwarf with a braided beard tossed around his neck stood proudly in front of his wares.

"Greetings my lady Dis!" he said loudly. "Are you after a particular stone?"

"No, Dagnar, I am merely showing my friend Helsinki the markets, she is new here," Dis said. "Are all of these stones from the long mine?"

"Aye, each and every one of them," he gestured to the velvet trays displaying raw stones in varying colours. "Mined by my sons, checked and polished up by myself."

Dis politely inquired about the stones, while Helsinki ogled at them in awe. The largest was a blue stone rippled with gold, easily larger than a golf ball and perfectly rounded into a sphere. Around it were stones completely unlike those found at beaches and smuggled home in sandy pockets; these were worn by heads of state, set into broaches and massive necklaces made of gold. And yet, when Helsinki craned her head, she could see that the stalls either side of the dwarf were selling the exact same thing in similar amounts.

Honestly, Helsinki felt a little bit sweaty with overwhelming wrong-footedness. It wasn't like she was standing in some jewelers wholesale warehouse, she was standing in a marketplace under a mountain that was inhabited by dwarves. Even with all the glittery gems around her, the same uncomfortable feeling of being out of place and far from home nudged harshly.

Dis selected a small scattering of what Helsinki would guess to be rubies because they were that iconic red colour, but she'd been forced to second guess everything lately so she hardly trusted herself to identify stones.

From that stall, Dis perused the marketplace with a wide-eyed Helsinki at her side, pointing out certain features of the marketplace or people she knew as they made their way around the concentric rings. There was a hulking mass of dwarf with a beard made of at least twenty red braids who was the jeweller Fili learned his craft from, and a sooty-haired dam who prided herself in sizing bangles to custom in seconds (she had a large hammer).

Helsinki was watching the dam smash a golden bangle thicker than a duvet into shape with repeated winces when a loud, very metallic crash echoed around the marketplace, bouncing off of the stone walls and repeating itself until the entire marketplace had fallen silent. Dis yanked on Helsinki's arm, excitedly tugging her through the crowd that shuffled and parted for her with whispers.

"You have to see this, it's the most beautiful thing," Dis sounded almost tearful as they reached the front of the crowd.

"What?" Helsinki asked.

Dis shushed her. "Watch," she smiled. In front of them, at a stall selling ornate armour, a dark haired dwarf with gold beads woven into his sideburns was standing in a pile of scattered metal. In front of him was a young dwarrow limply holding a brass helmet at their side. Weirdly, the helmet had a huge scorch mark up one side, but neither dwarf seemed to notice because they'd yet to stop staring at each other.

"You…" the first began, inching forward and sending a shield ringing across the floor.

The second said nothing but lunged forward to pounce on the first, all but tackling him to the ground and knocking over a rack of gold chains with a garish crash.

Abruptly, what sounded like the entire marketplace burst into applause, and when she looked up, yes even the dwarrow on the upper bridge were clapping wildly, cheering and stomping their feet. Confusedly, Helsinki joined in and glanced at Dis who was clapping and wiping away stray tears.

"How lovely, don't you think?" she asked wetly as the blushing couple bowed with their hands clasped before scurrying off.

"I don't get it. What just happened?"

Dis gasped and guided Helsinki over to an unoccupied stall, smack in the middle of two statues. "Oh my, I forgot! You see Helsinki, dwarrow aren't like other races, particularly Men. We love only once and we know it in an instant when we meet our Ones," Dis explained. "It is said that when we were carved from the stone by our maker, the first piece split in two, and so every dwarrow is only a half. Most tend to find completeness in crafting, but for others it's like a longing for years and then, with the shock of meeting your other half, you find some way to make a terrible impression! Why, when I met my Vili, Mahal bless him, I tipped a kettle of boiling water over his front and he dropped a fine glass vase on his feet! I knew right then that he was all and everything for me," Dis sighed happily.

"You really have… soulmates?" Helsinki asked, working over the idea in her head. It was sweet sure, but surely it was just another fairytale because nice things like that don't actually happen. Then again, she had just seen two dwarrow in some awkward situation suck face in a medieval shopping mall, so perhaps she should give the concept a little lee-way.

"Soulmates," Dis said. "I like it, it's a nice term. I suppose it fits too, like two parts of a soul meeting again."

Helsinki tucked a stray curl behind her ear. "I can't believe you met your husband and just… knew," she said.

"Oh yes," said Dis. "Vili was my One, there is no doubting it. Every time I was with him it was like drinking a warm cup of tea in a thunderstorm. My mother always told me that I would know when I found what my heart was looking for, and after years of searching in crafts and trades, I found Vili. And he gave me two lovely sons to show for it," Dis smiled and looked down at Helsinki who still felt very unsure on the whole matter. "Even now, when he has been gone for seventy odd years, every cup of tea I drink is a bit like having him back with me. He died alongside my brother, fighting at Azanulbizar."

Helsinki, filled with the need to show her support for the dam, took her hand in both of her own and squeezed it tenderly. "I don't know what an Az-annull-bizzar is, but I am sorry to hear of your loss," she said. "For both your husband and your brother."

Dis pressed a kiss to Helsinki's hands over hers and squished her nose over the spot with a grin. "Thank you dear, you didn't need to do that."

Helsinki was at a loss; what had she not needed to do? Had she crossed some kind of cultural line? If she had it wasn't her fault, they were hard to find at the best of times, when she wasn't preoccupied with fitting in, working out how in all fuck soulmates worked, and learning that Thorin had once had a brother.

Losing Pawel or Sebastian, sure they were assholes and once fed her prized school award to a goat, but she'd be lost without them. Even if she'd wanted to kill them and possibly come close with childhood antics (hello throwing sharp objects at fans to see where they would go), Helsinki recalled feeling quite heartbroken when Pawel moved to Australia, and when Sebastian got married and left just Helsinki on her own.

She cleared her throat, just as a dam approached with a young dwarf in tow. He held a small linked chain in his little hands and offered it with a bow to Dis.

"Frȇn, son of Frȇg, at your serbus your ladyship," he said. His mother curtseyed behind him, "Trellin, at your service milady."

Dis accepted the chain and admired it much like Aspen used to do with the shitty paintings Helsinki used to bring home from school. "Oh, how lovely young Master Frȇn, you should be proud of your work!"

She showed it to Helsinki, who nodded and smiled at the boy. "Very nice, better than anything I could ever do," she honestly said.

Frȇn blushed and scuffed his toe into the stone while his mother basked in the praise. She ducked down and whispered something in his ear. "I… gib this to you my lady, for honor and fru- future," he said.

"I thank you, Master Frȇn, I will personally add it to the Wall myself," Dis made a show of tucking it into a pocket as the boy and his mother left.

"What's the wall?" Helsinki queried.

"A tradition. When every child finds what they feel their craft will be, a symbol of it is placed inside a box in a wall for good luck. When they reach maturity, or fulfillment in their work, they can then retrieve their box for their own child to put their craft into, should they have children."

"I like that," said Helsinki. "It's a nice way to keep in touch with your childhood. I kept all of my stuff in a box under my bed until my brothers found it and boiled it."

Dis laughed loudly and drew attention from passerbys, who bobbed into bows without stopping. Much like they did to Thorin, Helsinki realised. This whole morning was getting just a little bit too much. Even curious people like Helsinki need a break from learning things.

"Why're they all nodding at you?" Helsinki asked suspiciously. "Does this have anything to do with why that boy kept calling you 'my lady' and why everyone else does as well?"

Dis looked over at her, eyebrowed raised. "Thorin didn't tell you, dear?"

"Didn't tell me what? We weren't together long enough to completely divulge the family history, if that's what you're getting at," Helsinki said.

Dis continued, "Thorin's a prince, dear, technically the leader of our people. He cannot be crowned formally seeing as the throne is half a world away and buried under a dragon, but he is recognised as King among our people. That makes me princess, and Fili and Kili princes," said Dis, unaware that Helsinki was at the end of her rope with learning new shit.

"I'm sorry? You're royal?" she asked, alarmed. "Should I have been curtseying and bowing and all that? Because it's a bit late to start now, I'm set in my ways."

Dis, having noticed Helsinki's fading voice, turned and hurried back to the woman who was eyeing her warily. "Oh no, don't worry yourself with it. If Thorin, or indeed myself or my sons expected you to treat us so formally we would have mentioned it," Dis said with a shrug, not something Helsinki expected from a princess that she had just learned was a princess.

Come to think of it, she had just said that Fili and Kili of all people were princes which was a very strange thought indeed, considering they'd been wrestling on the floor covered in porridge only an hour or so previously.

Scary thought, one of them as an autocrat.

What the fuck Thorin must get up to, probably knighting people or doing other royal things right at that moment.

Helsinki looked Dis, a princess, over as though expecting a crown to materialise on her head. Bit of a big thing to neglect mentioning to your houseguest, she thought, disgruntled.

"I'm gonna kill your brother, if you don't mind," she muttered.

"Go ahead dear," said Dis, right as a deep rumble rocked the marketplace. The bench under Helsinki wobbled in time with the stalls, dwarves rushing and yelling to each other in angular sounding words with deep voices that drowned under the persistent growling. Dark dust billowed out of the nearby mine entrance and settled on the quaking stalls around the mouth.

Dis and Helsinki stood up, the princess covering her mouth with a shawl and waving over a pair of armoured guards.

"Fetch the king," she instructed. Helsinki coughed and peered through the dust pooling in the air, wondering if it was the poor visibility or if the statue over the gate was actually trembling like the rest of the market. She stepped forward, squinting through the gloom. Something large barged past her, smashing into her shoulder with the force of a bull coated in steel.

"Fuck!" Helsinki yelled, clutching her arm and glaring blindly. A loud crack snapped through the air like a bone breaking. A scream wrent the air before being horribly cut off by a dim wet sound. As the rumbling stopped, low voices scurried about the market like rats before one pained voice screamed above the rest.

"MAHAL! OH MAHAL SAVE HER!"

The tone was familiar, one of horrible pain and loss, fuelled by horror and denial. It bubbled up from somewhere deep, hot and overflowing in tears and yelled sobs like lava. It was one of the worst types of crying Helsinki had heard, one you never forget and desperately hope to never hear again.

Her first year of residency, her attending had given her the job of informing the family after ten minutes of resuscitation had failed. The sterile hallway had stretched a mile long as Helsinki walked towards the family. She felt like the worst bride in the world, and an even worse doctor. Her own words had been deaf to her ears while she said them robotically, blinking away tears while the family collapsed into each other's arms.

Helsinki had called her mother that night, sitting in her car in the dark, sobbing to her mum over the phone. And unfortunately, it never got easier, nor better.

"SOMEONE GET A HEALER! QUICK!" a different voice yelled, this one panicked and hoarse.

Dis let out a horrified strangled scream as the dust cleared, and Helsinki took a bracing breath, a hand coming up to cover her mouth.

One of the shingles making the scaled armour of the dwarf statue guarding the gate had cracked and fallen, landing with terrible aim on a dam who had been standing under it. A large pool of scarlet was spreading across the floor, staining the dam's dress purple. Her dress, which was billowed out around her middle in a very telling way.

Helsinki surged forward from the crowd, skidding to a halt beside the dam and dropping to her knees with a dull thunk. Now closer, Helsinki knew with a cold sinking in her chest, that there was no helping the dam. Blood was flooding down her chest from her neck, which was obscured from view by the stone shingle. Glad she couldn't see the dam's head, Helsinki pulled her gaze from the tendrils of red hair she could see, to the dam's swollen belly.

She hiked the dress up with professional hands so that she could feel the dam's stomach, only to be yanked away by rough hands.

"Hey! Let go! Fuck off I'm helping!" she shrieked.

"What do you think you're doing?" the very rude person growled in her ear.

Helsinki thrashed, aware that her time frame to try and save the baby was diminishing rapidly. Did these people know nothing of complex emergency medicine and cesarean sections? "Let go of me! Dis! Dis! Help!"

Dis pulled free from the crowd, and Helsinki was dropped in shock with smarting arms. She dived for the dam, ignoring her surroundings. Probing the distended belly, Helsinki made her decision and reached into her bag for her flip knife.

Flicking it open she pressed the blade to pale skin, only to be interrupted again, this time by Dis who was kneeling on the other side of the dam.

"You know what you're doing?"

Helsinki looked up at the concerned face of the dark haired dam. "Will it make a difference if I don't? The mother is gone but I can try to save her baby," she grunted.

Dis removed her hand. "Then do as you must."

Helsinki nodded and pressed the blade into the skin, having to dig deeper than expected because the knife wasn't as sharp as a scalpel. She pulled back towards her, lining the incision before reslicing twice to part the skin properly. From there she kept steady and continued cutting with singular focus, willing the hysterical crowd around her to vanish and for her to be transported into an OR. She had to grit her teeth and remember that the dam was dead and her patient needed her help, help that she could only give with more force.

It took longer and more effort than ideal, but eventually Helsinki had exposed the womb and cut into it, throwing her knife to the side and reaching her hands in. It was very warm and very wet, especially without gloves. Assuming that dwarflings were at least in the same ballpark of human babies, Helsinki felt around quickly until she found the baby's torso and started to lift it out.

As the little head, already thick with hair emerged, Dis swore hoarsely and pulled off her coat, holding it out with shaking hands as Helsinki carefully tugged what turned out to be a little girl free. Uncaring of her borrowed clothes, the doctor vigorously rubbed the tiny baby's back until she spluttered and burbled into a wail.

Helsinki pressed her into Dis' coat and used it to wipe the little thing clean, sitting back on her feet. The crowd, who slowly came back into awareness for Helsinki, began making more noise and parted for a sooty dwarf shedding dust as he ran for the dam. She moved out of the way just in time so as not to be run over by the distraught dwarf.

"JUTTR! OH MAHAL MY WIFE!" he screamed and fell to his knees at her feet. Behind him, a row of guards followed Thorin as he stormed onto the scene. "JUTTR! PLEASE!"

"What happened?" Thorin demanded.

"The southern mine had a collapse near the gate, it cracked one of the statues and a piece fell on Miss Juttr," a dusty guard with a dented helmet reported.

"Juttr, daughter of Kurin?" Thorin checked, running a hand over his beard.

"Yes sir," the guard confirmed. "She was with child."

Dis looked up at her brother, dusty face painted with tears. "Brother, look," she said. Thorin paused and stepped forward, resting a hand on the mourning dwarfs back.

"A dwarfling?"

"Miss Juttr's. Helsinki saved her," Dis said softly. Thorin's blue gaze turned to Helsinki, sitting in a pool of stranger's blood with russet stains smeared up her arms and over her shirt.

"Her?" the dwarf asked, lifting his head from where it was bowed over his wife's feet.

Dis gave him a watery smile. "You have a little girl, Medar," she said, holding out the little bundle.

Medar took his daughter with careful hands, letting Dis help him settle her into the cradle of his arms. He peeled away the coat from her face to get a better look at his baby, whose eyes were closed but her mouth gaping in little mewls.

Carefully stepping around the new family, Thorin reached Helsinki and helped her to her feet, picking up her knife and bag too. "You have done an impossible feat, Helsinki," he commented quietly. "You have my thanks and the thanks of my people."

Beside him, she tiredly grinned. "I believe I told you it's what I do."

**Thank you all for reading! I'll see you soon with the next chapter. **

**Some behind the scenes: Helsinki's name was changing daily for weeks while I was planning. Along with Helsinki, the short list of names included Corina (Currin), Kunigunde (Kinga), Bronze, Darcy, Altair, Ljubljana, and Toulouse. **

**Also, if you want to name a character, send them to me and I'll add them in. It's a pain coming up and finding dwarven names so if you think of something and want a little piece of yourself added in, I'm more than happy to accomodate where I can. **

**Cheers, A.K.**


	8. Never Read Letters from Wizards

**Hello and welcome to chapter eight! All rights go to Jackson, Newline Cinema, and Tolkien of course. **

**Biggest thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter! The elegant **_**VERA VIV, **_**the incredible **_**Ballroom Rittz, **_**the amazing **_**Aurelia Lyanna Moon, **_**the gorgeous **_**Kelwtim2spar, **_**the stunning **_**Lucefatale, **_**the beautiful **_**A5mia, **_**and the terrific **_**lullabydono **_**who contributed a name for me to use!**

**Enjoy!**

Bathrooms are funny places. Lots of things happen in bathrooms, but not much is ever said about those activities, which include the likes of using the facilities, bathing, escaping unwanted visitors, waxing, secret agent meetings, discovering entrances to secret places, and experiencing various ugly emotions.

Of all the rooms in a house, the bathrooms has seen more of you than you probably have, and it's usually the room privy to conversations of the secret kind. As much as media wants you to believe that spies, assassins, and accountants discuss their plans in grand studies or around crackling fireplaces, anyone who _really_ wants their secret to remain that way, will go to the bathroom to discuss it.

Whether or not you engage in bathroom-related activities while discussing such secretive topics is another thing entirely, and is predominantly dependent on the nature of the company, the secret, and the urgency of some things.

Thorin kept his arm around Helsinki the entire walk back to his home, dismissing the pair of guards that started to follow them out of the marketplace. He had traded his dark leather coat for one that looked more like suede, and had a shearling lining instead of fur. It swept around Helsinki and trapped a layer of cedar scented air around her neck, distracting from the lingering smell of blood and other fluids Helsinki had crusted up her arms.

Now that Dis had explained Thorin's position to her, Helsinki noticed a lot more attention following them as they made their way towards the cavern. Dam's flushed pink and ducked into curteys, dwarfs bowed low as they passed, and many curious gazes turned to Helsinki seeing as she was not just walking beside the king, but tucked into his coat.

Thorin politely acknowledged the attention with short nods, but unfortunately for the populace of Thorinuldum, Helsinki was tired, running out of adrenaline, and had never had much in the way of manners to begin with.

She glared back at most of those that eyed her strangely as they passed, and may have thrown a few rude gestures out there too, for those that didn't take the hint.

So maybe she was a little bit angry, but so would anyone else in her position. She had a grocery list of things to be pissed about and it was only getting longer.

Helsinki flicked her fingers, sternly telling herself to stop thinking about the placenta drying under her nails even though it was itchy.

"How did you know it would work?" Thorin asked, breaking the long silence filled only by the sounds of the mountain around them.

Helsinki looked up at him, shaking a strawberry curl from her face. "What?"

"Miss Juttr's babe. How did you know that what you did would work?" Thorin clarified.

"Oh," said Helsinki. "It's done in my world, quite often now. I've helped surgeons do it quite a few times and there wasn't anything left for the poor dam to lose."

Thorin thought this over with a furrow in his brow. "You did not know that the child lived?"

"No, I didn't. But I knew that there was a chance she did so I took it, and here we are," Helsinki said as they turned the corner. "It's how most women deliver triplets like me in my world, for health and sanity reasons."

"You were born that way?" Thorin looked her up and down with a sharp gaze.

Feeling dirty and bedraggled in her borrowed and bloodied clothes, Helsinki didn't take kindly to the inspection. "I wasn't, no," she sniffed. "My Mum wouldn't have been able to tell us in full detail about her experience crowning three children in the span of two and a half hours over dinner if I had been."

True story, unfortunately.

Thorin was that amusing mix of confused and horrified, the sort that says that he probably won't be asking for clarification but will instead live out his life having strange thoughts about what the words could mean.

He cleared his throat. "She must be a brave woman then. Dis nearly broke my wrist when she had Fili."

Helsinki's eyebrows raised towards her hairline. "You were there? I'm impressed, I've known plenty of fathers incapable of being in the same room as the child they helped create."

"Vili had fainted," he explained. "And I wouldn't wish my sisters undivided murderous attention on any healer."

"Wise move," commented Helsinki. "My mum still hasn't forgiven me and my brothers," she sighed fondly. "Every holiday we're reminded of how we ruined her figure. If we really piss her off she starts referring to us as the number of stitches she required after tearing."

Thorin recoiled as though vomited on but Helsinki was too busy maintaining eye contact with a pair of dwarves who passed and rudely stared at her stained arms, muttering to each other.

"I gather birthing babies via the sunroof isn't done here."

"_What?_" Thorin asked, looking over at her only to find a small grin playing on Helsinki's lips.

"You know, out the sunroof instead of through the door as it were," she made an obvious gesture to her hipline as she said this, enjoying Thorin's splutter.

"Helsinki! That is hardly appropriate!" he reprimanded sternly, no hint of a smile present.

Instead of being disheartened or chastened as he clearly expected her to be, Helsinki snorted at him and crossed her arms.

"It's not as if I care," she pointed out.

"Yes, but I do. And so should you," Thorin replied smartly. They had nearly reached Dis' home, just exiting the tunnel into the cavern.

"Why? Is it because you're a king?" Helsinki did her best impersonation of an innocent voice. It was hard work, she'd never been innocent before and had no idea what the tone should be.

Thorin stared at her as they came to a stop. "You know."

Helsinki snapped her fingers. "I do. And that's the admission of someone keeping it a secret!"

"I was not keeping it a secret, Helsinki," Thorin said, opening the door and leading the way. How he did it would have to be investigated later, seeing as there wasn't a handle or keyhole present. "I merely did not tell you."

Helsinki huffed at his back. "I asked if there was someone in charge I had to speak to about living here and you said no!"

"You already had spoken with the person in charge, therefore you needed to speak to no one else," Thorin said, toeing his boots off. "I gave you permission to make this your home myself, that is enough."

"It still would have been nice to know I was speaking to a king!" grumbled Helsinki. "I bet I made a right arse of myself, no curtseying or anything."

Thorin raised an eyebrow loftily. It was a regal and attractive expression that Helsinki admired for the moment. "Would you like to start now?"

"Fuck off, I'm not bowing or scraping now. It's way too late for any of that," Helsinki said firmly, blinking away from the fine lines of Thorin's face. Thorin walked off towards the kitchen purposefully, leaving her in the entranceway. "We aren't finished here Thorin! We'll discuss this later!" she called after him, heading for the bathroom.

Helsinki had stripped from her clothes and was in the carved tub in record time, eager to scrape off the pinkish layer that had dried over her arms. The soap filled the room with a rosy glow, and the dark stone of the tub hid the colour of the water sluicing off of Helsinki's skin, which had turned a different shade of pink from overeager scrubbing.

Say what you will, but when she signed up to be a doctor, it was for all gross fluids to be kept off of her skin with gloves or aprons or coats. If she wanted to be elbows deep in a strangers placenta she would have studied to be a farmer.

Or a midwife at one of those au-natural places.

Happily clean once more, and re-legged, Helsinki came to an impasse. With pursed lips she eyed her options, one of which was bloody and piled on the floor. She didn't really want to put the outfit back on, even if it was only covered in blood on the outside, but she also didn't feel like streaking down the hall was a good idea, especially in a kings house.

Which, speaking of, was not a palace or castle, as fairytales had led Helsinki to believe. Another thing to be looked into.

Weighing up her options, Helsinki decided to go with the least offensive one to both herself and her hosts, which was wrapping a towel around her top, and pulling the skirt on to cover her legs for the short trip back to her room, where she would snoop around in search of something clean to wear.

The red skirt had a dark brown patch blotting the entire front, spreading from the knees outwards like the worst scraped knee in history. Helsinki hoped it would be able to be washed out.

Opening the heavy door a crack, she peaked out into the hall and paused to listen. The kettle was whistling in the kitchen but otherwise, the house was quiet. She swung the door open and crept out, intending on hurrying straight to her room because she was freezing enough as it was. Head down, towel held tightly to her chest, Helsinki was only meters away from ducking into her room and being safe from prying eyes when someone made a sharp choking sound in their throat.

Helsinki whirled around, sending a rinsing of chilly air over her bare skin. "Oh thank god it's just you," she relaxed, seeing Thorin in the doorway to the living room. He was rigidly bracing a hand on the frame and determinedly staring up at the ceiling. The column of his throat bobbed with a swallow, and Helsinki tilted her head. His sister apparently walked around half naked and had given birth in front of him, yet Helsinki's bare arms and shoulders had him aggressively prudish?

Fucking oddball.

"Shit, sorry. I forgot you're averse to implied nudity," she apologised. "I'll just be…" she jerked her head in the direction of the door to her room.

"That would be best," Thorin bit out stiffly. "Why are you naked in my hallway?"

"I'm not naked, I'm wearing a skirt and a towel, secondly, I have no clean clothes. Forgive me for not wanting to wear placenta again," Helsinki answered.

"Ah, I see. My sister has returned home, she is just washing up herself. She mentioned leaving some clothes for you in your room," Thorin said to the wall.

Helsinki nodded. "Right… err, I'll just be going to put them on then," she dashed off, nearly slamming the door shut behind her. She let her towel drop to the floor and her shoulders slumped.

True to Thorin's word, Dis had left another pile of fresh clothes on the bed, along with her new underwear, the blouse, and the skirt. She had also stoked the fire, so Helsinki was toasty warm as she stripped and redressed. The new underwear was incredibly high coverage, so high coverage in fact that Helsinki would wager she could hide an entire family and several strangers in the long cotton knickers.

They were kinda comfy though, so credit for that had to be given. At any rate Helsinki liked underwear that didn't try to climb up her crack at the most inopportune times.

Reminded of her stitches after they itched something awful, Helsinki plucked the small set of scissors and the tweezers from her first aid kit and tucked them into a pocket with a bandaid and an alcohol swab, planning on visiting the bathroom and removing the thread. If she needed to, she'd put some more antibacterial cream on later, but the wound itself was healing well without much interference.

She paused to check herself over in the mirror beside the door, brushing off her new blouse and skirt. There was something quite childish in how happy it made her to see the full skirt swish around her legs, like the princesses in the films she used to watch with her brothers. Granted, two to one usually meant that she ended up watching their choice of film which wasn't often in line with the likes of Cinderella, but she won the fights enough times to see the majority of the princess-y films the girls at school told her about.

"So, brother, did you talk on your way home?" Dis' voice caught Helsinki's attention.

Thorin grumbled. "Cease your prying, Dis."

"It's a very special thing you know-"

"Dis."

"Doesn't happen to everyone and yet here you are, dawdling-"

"Dis," warned Thorin.

"I spoke with her at the markets today you know, about-"

"Dis! Cease your prying!"

"I am merely trying to help you on your quest for soulful fulfillment!" Dis sounded completely unrepentant. Helsinki sniggered silently.

"It is unwarranted," Thorin stated firmly.

After a pause; "Speaking of quests, what of the letter Gandalf has sent?" Dis asked.

Thorin huffed loud enough for Helsinki to hear. "He has found a prospecting burglar. In three weeks he intends for us to meet in the Shire and set off."

"Three weeks?" Dis says, hushed. Helsinki leans closer to the door. "So soon?"

"I expect he wants us to have ample time to travel," said Thorin. "I will inform the company on the morrow and begin packing. I still intend on meeting with the other lords at Gabilgathol."

"You will have to call for the meeting tomorrow, and leave within the week if you wish to be on time," Dis advised. Helsinki grew bored listening in, seeing as the gossip was now leaning towards political sounding, and moved away from the door. She straightened up her bed and blouse, reaching for the handle.

In the hall, she was nearly blown back into the wall by two whirlwinds flying in through the front door.

"IS IT TRUE?"

"IS IT MA? WHAT THEY'RE SAYING IN THE MARKET?"

"GIMLI SAID THAT A GUARD TOLD HIM THAT HELSINKI SAVED MISS JUTTR'S BABE!"

Fili and Kili squabbled for attention in the doorway to the kitchen, the blond taking the lead while Kili hung back. Helsinki stood behind them, watching them like a tennis match.

Dis put down her teacup with a gentle clink and steepled her fingers. "Yes it is and you can ask for the details later; now, sit down quietly, I have something to discuss with you."

Fili and Kili shared worried glances, silently communicating something to each other as they took seats across from the mother. Thorin rose from the table, creamy coloured paper in hand and approached Helsinki.

At some point in her schooling, Helsinki had become largely immune to embarrassment. Growing up with a nurse for a mother who publicly enquired about your bowel movements does that to a child. Then there was living with her brothers who even without considering the public stunts they pulled went through a painfully obvious puberty in the bedroom next door. Add to that years of her own growing up and medical school, Helsinki was now unphased by the likes of nudity, strange questions, and questionable objects in questionable places.

So while Thorin's gaze wasn't as direct as it usually was, Helsinki blandly stared up at him expectantly, genuinely hoping he would bring up the incident earlier so that she could make him go that fun pink colour again.

"Helsinki," he greeted her, holding out an envelope sealed with wax. "This came for you today, from Gandalf."

"Please don't say that name, I might vomit," Helsinki replied, taking the envelope. Thorin cracked a small grin in her direction, even if it was a little distracted and his eyes were trained somewhere beside her face. She turned the thick, parchment style paper over, noting the address. "You have postmen?"

"Rangers, messengers, and certain birds all carry messages across Middle Earth. This one was delivered by a Man from Bree this morning," said Thorin.

Helsinki nodded, distracted by the metaphorical weight of the paper in her hands. Returning to her room to read the letter seemed like a good idea, so back she went while fighting with the wax seal. Desperate to find out if it was about her task, or even if it was actually her task and she could soon go home, Helsinki very nearly tore the paper in two when she got into it, creasing it under her fingers with a white knuckled grip. Swirly letters greeted her, written in thick, black ink that had seeped into the material in places and created spidery dots.

_My dear Doctor Helsinki,_

_I am sure you are settling into life in the Blue Mountains well by the time this missive reaches you, and I hope you have treated Thorin with less vitriol than you did me. _

That was a bit presumptive, but Helsinki read on.

_I write to you with instructions, not for your task but for the path leading to your task. _

_Oh, that's fucking great, it's got _parts_ to it_, Helsinki thought.

_Thorin Oakenshield will soon be leading a quest for Erebor, accompanied by at least twelve dwarrow. I too will be going on this quest, as will you. Your task will become known once you have joined the company and we are on our way. At present I am unsure of when it may pop up, but rest be assured, your task will take place during our quest._

Helsinki bit her lip. She didn't know where Erebor was, nor why they were going there, but quests usually don't happen for things that are just around the corner. They're usually for things half a world away with obstacles and all manners of horrible things in the way. And that wasn't even including whatever the fuck her task was. Knowing the wizard he might just ask her to invent the aeroplane or wax every dwarf she comes across. She turned the paper over for the rest of the letter.

_You will need to inform Thorin of your joining, though I suspect he will be fine with it. Acquire some supplies, and I will see you at the marked location in Hobbiton._

_-Gandalf_

Well fuck. Where was she supposed to get supplies? She had no money. And why would the wizard ever think that Thorin would be chill with her joining - he'd already travelled with her once, he probably knew she was useless and wouldn't want her jeopardising his quest.

She sighed and took a seat on her bed, letter pinched in one hand while the other cupped her chin in thought. It wasn't as though Helsinki had much of a choice in the matter, if she wanted to go home she would have to go on this quest and then complete this task. Unfortunately for her, Helsinki wasn't very good at being enthusiastic, even with getting home being excellent motivation. She could just see far too many roadblocks between her and home, her missing leg only being one of them.

She'd need a weapon of some kind, not the little knives she had tucked away at the moment. Her journey with Thorin had been enough of an eye opener to this world and it was clear that without something proper to defend herself with, Helsinki would never complete her task and get home. Knowing her luck she'd probably fall down some stairs on her way out of the mountains and snap her neck.

Helsinki ran a hand down her face and stood, discarding the letter on the bed beside her. She needed to speak with Thorin about joining his quest, getting supplies, and finding some kind of weapon her spindly arms could wield. But first, she needed a bathroom break.

The door to the bathroom was closed so she knocked politely, far more politely than she'd ever done at home. There were some things even she didn't want to walk in on.

"I'm in here!" Kili called through the door.

Helsinki narrowed her eyes at his voice, which lacked a significant amount of its usual glee. In fact, it sounded a bit thick. She'd grown up with two brothers who after the age of seven, rarely cried in front of her, instead they would lock themselves in the bathroom or the closet, have a cry, and yell at her through the door when she knocked to see if she could come in. Everytime they yelled though, their voices were wobbly and thick. Sure enough, ten minutes later they'd exit with red eyes and snot running down their face. Helsinki was very, very good at spotting when someone had been crying.

"Hurry it up, I need the loo!" She called back. It probably wasn't any of her business if Kili was crying, but still, she'd spent eight years learning how to help people, it was in her nature to be concerned.

"I'll be out in a minute!" Kili's voice was definitely wet sounding.

Helsinki crossed her arms in thought. Did she go in and help him like she wanted, or did she leave him be with his pride? If he was hurt it would be a blow to her own pride because Helsinki never liked leaving people hurt- but then, most males don't enjoy being interrupted while they have breakdowns.

There was a deep sniff from inside the bathroom and Helsinki made up her mind. "You better not be naked, I'm coming in!" she warned, before grasping the handle and swinging open the door.

Kili, in his shock, barely made it halfway up the wall before Helsinki was in and had closed the door behind her. He slid back down, miserably trying to hide his face. While his older brother wore his hair in braids reminiscent of their uncle and maintained a short beard that aged him a little (probably by giving the illusion of a good jawline), Kili wore no braids. His cheeks were shorn short, hair pulled back by a single clip, and he let his fringe hang into his eyes as a barrier. Whether there was a significance to the differing styles, Helsinki wasn't sure, but this didn't seem like the time to comment on the brunet's hair.

Helsinki slid down the wall to sit beside him. "So, why're we sitting on the floor?"

Kili gave her a glare in a poor imitation of his uncle. "I don't know, why are you sitting on the floor?" he snapped.

"I'm sitting on the floor because you're sitting on the floor," Helsinki replied smoothly, tucking her legs up and fixing her skirt. "So why're you sitting on the floor?"

"It's stupid," Kili said after a pause. "Stupid little dwarfling stuff."

"It can't be that stupid if it has you crying on the floor," Helsinki pointed out. "Nothing is stupid if it means something to you."

Kili sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve. Gross. "Just some stuff people were saying in the markets earlier."

Helsinki nodded. "Was it about you? Or about someone else?"

"Me," Kili admitted thickly.

Helsinki clucked her tongue and patted his shoulder. "And what were they saying?" she prompted.

Kili rubbed his eyes, refusing to make eye contact. He gripped his knees tighter. "They were talking about how tall I am. How I use a bow instead of a 'proper dwarf weapon'. How I don't look like a true dwarf and how I'm probably some sort of half-breed."

Helsinki cocked an eyebrow, feeling offended on the boy's behalf. She bristled and found herself gritting her teeth. After a deep breath, she spoke. "You know, I find that things that make you cry on bathroom floors aren't usually true."

Kili let out a snotty laugh. "But they are! They've been saying them for years. My cheekbones are too high and my nose is too thin and archery is an elvish sport, not for dwarrow!"

Helsinki rubbed his back. "Personally, I wouldn't believe anything they say. If someone says something to be mean, it's usually not true. Besides, I think you're plenty good looking, very handsome where I come from." She was telling the truth, Kili did have a boyish rugged charm about him, with a mischievous grin that would melt hearts and unhook bras in the right crowd.

"Really?"

"Yes, really," said Helsinki. "I have cousins that would eat you for lunch. And the other point; I don't really know what constitutes a dwarven weapon, but archery seems pretty alright to me. If you can fight from a distance and hunt with it, I'd call it an advantage."

"I suppose," Kili sniffed. "Thank you, Helsinki."

"Not a problem. Now, would you like me to find them and call them cunts?"

Kili spluttered out a laugh, wiping his face. "That won't be necessary, Helsinki."

Helsinki shrugged. His loss. "The offer's there."

Neither one made a move to get up off the polished stone floor, instead Kili leaned back to observe Helsinki. "Did you really cut Miss Juttr's babe out of her stomach?"

Helsinki nodded and hummed. "Yes I did."

"Have you done it before?"

"I've helped do it quite a few times, sure," she said. "Though never in a marketplace with no supplies."

Kili stared at her. "That's amazing, how you saved the little babe. I used to save birds that fell out of their nests."

"Did you now?" Helsinki tipped her head to look at the dwarf better.

He nodded, brown hair flopping all over the place. "I haven't really told anybody because it's not a royal profession… but I've always wanted to be a healer. I got sick when I was little and it was amazing the things Healer Oin did to help me get better."

Taken aback, Helsinki frowned. "So why not study to be one? It can't be harder than medical school back home. Just tell your mum and uncle, they'll understand, surely."

Kili shook his head. "No, healing isn't a very kingly craft, like goldsmithing or being a warrior. It's well respected, but it's not considered a royal craft."

"So that's what you do? Or train to do? Goldsmithing or fighting?" That sounded considerably less stressful than medical school.

"Both, actually. Fili and I have been training in combat since we were young. Most dwarrow are. The rest of the time I apprentice with a leather worker and go hunting," Kili said. "And Fili's recently finished a jeweller apprenticeship, but he's Uncle's heir so his craft was really important."

"I thought there was something about finding a true craft?" Helsinki muttered suspiciously. Dis had made it seem like some holy calling, not a job to please the family.

"There is," confirmed Kili. "And Fili's just lucky that his is a respectable one."

"But healing isn't? Helping the wounded and caring for the sick isn't respectable?" Helsinki deadpanned.

Kili frowned. "It's respected, but not considered a proper craft if you're in line to the throne. Kings need to be warriors or master craftsmen with skills that show the value of their kingdom. Uncle's a goldsmith, but he's a fair blacksmith and warrior too, like a proper king."

Helsinki harrumphed and blew a curl out of her face, making nearby candles flicker. "Sounds stupid. What's a better king than one that can fight _and_ heal? Haven't you lot heard of battlefield medicine?"

"What's that?"

"Like healing but you do it in warzones," Helsinki answered.

Kili nodded, eyes lighting up in realisation. "Like Oin! He's a warrior and a healer."

"There you go, why can't you be like Oin? Be a warrior like royalty should, and learn to heal while you're at it, it's a win-win situation," Helsinki suggested. "Gotta say though, sending the royal family out to battle doesn't seem like a smart idea to me."

The brunet shrugged. "It's a show of strength and works wonders for troop morale. But I couldn't do it, Ma and Uncle don't want me dividing my studies too much. It's better to be excellent in one arena than poor in two," he droned, sounding very much like he was parroting back a line drilled into him from a young age.

Helsinki regarded him closely, an idea creeping into her head. "I have an idea," she declared. "I'm coming with you lot on this quest-"

"Really? Will Uncle let you?"

She appraised Kili. "Doesn't matter, I'm coming anyways, the wizard says so. Right, my idea is for you to teach me how to use a weapon, I don't care what, just something I can defend myself with. In return, I will teach you as much as I can about healing. Sound good?"

The dwarf stared at her, brow furrowed in consideration. "You'd really teach me your craft? It's a very special thing for us, passing on your skills," his voice was softer than Helsinki had ever heard it.

She nodded, confident in her decision. "If you really want to learn, I'll teach you. We both know I'm planning on going home as soon as I can, and from what I can tell, my home is very advanced in healing, so when I leave, I'll be taking all that knowledge with me. At least if I teach you, you can use it to save lives. You can teach it to others and make a difference, Kili," Helsinki rested her hand on his arm. It hadn't occurred to her prior to this conversation that her skills were likely unique in Middle Earth, and once she was gone, her knowledge of modern medicine would be taken with her. And she'd seen the state of health in this place, the lack of technology and available medicine. At least if she could teach Kili how to stitch with the same technique, or how to treat an illness properly, a part of her that could be valuable to Middle Earth would remain.

Kili held her eye contact and smiled, crinkling the corners of his brown gaze. "I would be honoured to learn your craft, Helsinki," his grin dropped. "But Uncle won't approve, or Amad."

"Nevermind them, I'll teach you in secret. We'll meet up some place every other day or so and take turns teaching."

Kili thought quietly for a moment. "I think we could buy a couple hours almost everyday if you take up an interest in hunting or gathering herbs out in the forest. I'll bring it up over dinner so nothing seems amiss. Uncle's bound to find out eventually, he knows everything," said the young dwarf.

"That's fine," agreed Helsinki. "And when he finds out, leave your uncle to me," she elbowed Kili playfully.

"If you plan on taking on Uncle we'd better start training you up," Kili shoved her back and she landed on a pocket, tweezers jabbing into her ass painfully. She quirked an eyebrow and rubbed her rear.

"Deal," said Helsinki, righting herself with a lightbulb lighting up over her head. "First lesson starts now-"

"Now?!" yelped Kili, eyebrows flying into his scraggly fringe.

"Yes, now," Helsinki unbuttoned the last button on her new blouse and pulled it up to reveal her stitches. The upside of your tits vanishing overnight is that there is very little impeding Helsinki's view of her ribs. Kili averted his eyes in a flash, bright red patches blooming over his scruffy cheeks. Helsinki pursed her lips. "Right, you need to lose the embarrassment first of all. In medicine nothing should be treated shamefully or blushed at if you can help it. It's chivalrous and all in public but if a girl came to you with a knife in her chest, I expect you to help her without ogling and blushing," Helsinki said.

Kili slowly pulled his gaze around, fighting the blush on his cheeks. "It's rude to see a dam even partially nude if they're not family."

"So? I once pulled a doorknob out of a grown man's arse and that's something that's normally not shown to anyone. Don't see me blushing," Helsinki flatly said. She might not have blushed but she did have a good laugh in the breakroom.

Kili considered the picture painted with wide eyes. "Euch." His gaze finally rested on Helsinki's stitches.

"See, it's a bit of stomach, not a full show," huffed the doctor, pulling the scissors and tweezers from her pocket. "Your first practical lesson is removing stitches. I was stabbed a few days ago and now they need to come out."

"You were stabbed?!" Kili reeled back in shock, blush fading to be replaced by a dark look of anger. "By who?"

"Doesn't matter now," Helsinki said because she wasn't admitting that a wizard stabbed her with her own knife. "I stitched it up, which I'll show you some time, but for now they need to come out. So come closer," she directed, and Kili slid on his knees across the floor until he was a respectable meter away from her. Helsinki rolled her eyes. "Closer than that, you can't help from that far away."

Kili shuffled forward a little more, pink returning to his cheeks. "Right, now what?"

"Take a look," said Helsinki, lifting her shirt some more. "Is it healed, is it inflamed or weeping or gross looking?"

"Uh, none of those," said Kili cautiously, eyes flicking up to see Helsinki for confirmation.

"Exactly, it's healed well and it's not infected. Now, look at the stitches, see the knots?"

Kili was quiet for a second. "Yes, I think?"

"First, tear open that little packet and wipe the stitches down," Kili did as he was told, fumbling to open the alcohol swab and run it over the sutures. His touch was probably too gentle, ghosting over the thread instead of firmly seeping into the gaps, but he was nervous about seeing a woman's stomach so Helsinki gave him some leeway.

"Right then, take the tweezers- yes those pointy ones," Helsinki said. "And very gently pull the knot away from the skin."

Clumsily, with the tweezers looking even smaller in his large grip, Kili pinched the knot. His hands were like a furnace, Helsinki noticed, even where just the backs of three knuckles were pressing into her ribs. "Okay, I got the knot," Kili said.

Helsinki looked down to check but her view was blocked by Kili's head bowing over her wound. Well, if he got it really wrong, they could have that lesson in stitches sooner rather than later.

"Now you want to use the scissors and cut the loop," said Helsinki, bracing herself for a cut or two.

This took a few tries, as the scissors were small to begin with and didn't come close to fitting on dwarven fingers, so Kili had to use them as carefully as possible, balancing them on his fingertips. Eventually he snipped both stitches without significant trouble or puncturing Helsinki. There were a few unpracticed pokes though.

"I did it!"

"And now you can pull the thread through the skin, it'll just slide out," Helsinki held her breath while the unpleasant pressure of the threat pulling through her skin was taking place. "And then you're done."

Kili sat back with a proud smile, dropping the too small tools to the floor with a _clink_! "That was easier than I expected it to be!"

"Great, now get out I need to pee."

Helsinki did her business, smacked a bandaid over the pink skin after doing a final inspection, and then exited the bathroom in search of Thorin. Hoping that he wasn't somewhere deep in the mountain city, the doctor spied his elder nephew sitting in the living room sketching designs in charcoal.

"Fili, have you seen your Uncle?"

The blond looked up and frowned at her, a smudge of charcoal arching up one cheek. "I have seen him, yes. He has lived here for many decades now."

"I mean do you know where he is? Right now?" Helsinki reiterated with a grin.

"Oh, I think he is in his study, down the hall, last door on the left," Fili said. He held up his paper, pressed to a thin slate of stone to create a good surface for drawing. "What do you think of this?"

Helsinki came closer, taking in the rough sketch of a necklace. She appraised it with crossed arms and a tilted head. "I like it, a bit intricate for my personal tastes but it's a nice piece. Quite intricate."

Fili turned the page back to himself and looked it over with a nod. "Thank you, Helsinki." He tucked his charcoal behind his ear, smearing black through his yellow locks. "Kili told me that you plan on joining our company for Erebor."

Helsinki arched an eyebrow. "I don't plan on anything, I've been told if I want to go home I have to come with you guys."

Fili smiled at her, twitching his moustache up amusingly. "I am pleased to have more numbers for our journey is all, loyalty and support are valuable things to have on such a quest. I assume that is what you are seeking Uncle Thorin out for?"

Helsinki nodded in assent. "Yeah, I need to let him know the wizard says I have to join," she jabbed a thumb back at the hallway and backed out, leaving Fili to get back to his necklace.

Even though the rest of the city was made of paths in every direction all at once, like some hamster maze made of stairs and stone, Dis and Thorin's lovely abode was more or less a straight line, with the front door at the end of the hall, the living room and kitchen on one side, and Helsinki's bedroom, the bathroom, and what Helsinki assumed was the boy's room on the other. Dis and Thorin had rooms further into the house, where she hadn't explored.

Farther from the kitchen, the house got colder and darker, looking a little more rustic and raw in it's carving. Helsinki shivered and found the right door, sharply knocking to announce herself. She intended first on telling Thorin that she would be coming with him, regardless of his opinion on the matter, then on reaming him out for not telling her about his job. His royal, upstanding, absolute leadership of a job.

"Come in," Thorin's baritone called through the door.

Helsinki swung the door open and sauntered in, letting it close behind her, feeling quite confident in her stern black blouse and new skirt. Thorin was sitting behind a large wooden desk, penning something intently with an odd stone pen instrument. The room had large shelves carved into the walls, and a fireplace that was stone cold. It was lit by a smattering of candles, setting an ironically romantic mood for Helsinki's clenched fists.

"The wizard says I have to come with you on your quest," Helsinki said.

Thorin looked up, blinked in surprise at her, and set his pen down in a polished tray. He pressed his hands together and nodded for her to take a seat. "Helsinki," he acknowledged. "I assumed as much. Gan- the wizard rarely leaves things to chance. Him bringing you to Middle Earth for a task mere weeks before a quest he helped to plan as much of a coincidence as I am an elf."

Helsinki wasn't sure where elves came into the mix, or if they were real (next she'd see a centaur, no doubt), but she grimaced nonetheless. "Good, we're on the same page then."

Thorin took a deep breath. "I will not pretend to be pleased at you coming with us. This quest is bound to be very dangerous and I cannot guarantee your safety, please understand that. I would like to be able to offer you as much, but alas I cannot."

His eyes were gentle as he took her in, face shadowed and flickering by the light of the candles. Helsinki slowed her breathing and twisted her hands, nerves climbing up her spine. She knew this quest wasn't going to be a small deal, but Thorin made it sound a lot worse than Kili's enthusiasm had.

"That's okay," Helsinki said quietly. "Gandalf couldn't tell me when or what my task would be, so I think I'll just be playing it by ear until it turns up."

"You could stay here," Thorin said suddenly, but quietly. His expression was earnest. "Dis can teach you our ways, you can practice your medicine. I have already heard that the baby you saved this morning has been named Kaiserin. A dam with her own dwarfling has offered to help feed her; she will grow up to be a strong dwarrowdam. You could make a home here, Helsinki."

"That's kind of you to offer, Thorin, but I want my home," she said. "I'm so happy that the baby is doing well and that there is someone to feed her, but I belong in my home." Her fingers tapped the socket of her prosthesis under her skirt. "If I have to go with you to this Erebor place to get there, then I will."

"An admirable goal," Thorin inclined his head, hair trailing over the letter he had been writing. "I will not stop you from coming, it is not in my right to prevent you from going home."

Helsinki relaxed. "Thank you, Thorin. Now I just have to find supplies and shit to take, seeing as I don't know how long it'll be before I can get home."

"Dis will be able to help you with that, I am sure," Thorin said, pulling a rolled map from a draw on his side of the desk. He brushed away the stray bits of paper between them and laid it out.

"What's this?"

"This is the world, Helsinki. At least, our part of it, Middle Earth," Thorin said. "I assume you would like to know where we are going, yes?"

Helsinki nodded. "Sure, that'd be helpful."

Thorin's ringed fingers pressed into an inked mountain range stretching either side of a gulf. "We are here, in the Blue Mountains, Khagal'abbad. Erebor is my homeland, the ancestral kingdom of the line of Durin," his fingers ran across the map, over trees and a long mountain range, over a river and up past a thick forest to sit above a single peak. "We are travelling here, to reclaim our homeland and kingdom."

Helsinki squinted in thought, one word standing out to her. "Reclaim? Who's living there now?" She already knew the answer wasn't going to be a nice one before the words left her mouth.

"A dragon."

"Fuck."

**Thank you all for reading! As usual, you can contact me with any questions or requests for scenes you may have. If you want a dwarven name you like added in, feel free to let me know and I'll use it. If you have a background or description for a character of your own creation you want used, I'm also happy to work them in, so I don't have to go trawling for names in the middle of writing. **

**Behind the scenes: I have had Kili and Helsinki's conversation planned since the first day of writing. There are many more upcoming scenes that have also been planned out. **


	9. Never Cry on a Dwarf

**Thank you for the reviews, the darling **_**Fatalromance, **_**the stunning Hawra ali, the perfect Ballroom Rittz, the beautiful lilith-thetiny-monster, the fantastic Ghouly-Girl, the amazing Priya24626, the gorgeous AureliaLyannaMoon, the extraordinary Kelwtim2spar, the delightful A5mia, and the talented lucefatale!**

**Sorry about the delay, sometimes it just be like that. **

**There is a Tumblr where you will find extra content for GUST and you can message me anonymously if you want. I will be taking requests for short fics and drabbles too, so check it out. **

**Also, would anyone be interested if I used Sims 4 to play out Helsinki's life and uploaded it in short episodes? I'm considering it as a visual addition. **

**Check out the GUST Spotify Playlist - helsinkidays GUST playlist.**

**Hard Disclaimer - I do not own any Tolkien associated content. Helsinki is my intellectual property however.**

Sometimes not knowing things is better. Helsinki would have preferred not to know where her childhood pet rabbit went if it didn't go to the Hobson's farm. She would have preferred not to know that her grandmother had dementia and wouldn't remember her grandchildren's goodbye. She would have preferred not to know about hobbits or dwarves or wizards.

She would have preferred to stay ignorant on her couch, lounging in depression and remission, without a clue that Middle Earth was even a concept, let alone a tangible world she now had to navigate.

Sometimes not knowing things is better. And it's okay to feel that. It's okay to wish you didn't know something that has changed your future or made you feel unsafe. Wanting to remain ignorant of the worst parts of some things is normal, especially after you learn them and they ruin your life. There are a lot of things that Helsinki wishes she didn't know, especially now that she knew them and had had them bombshell into her life and leave gaping craters.

Middle Earth was full of these revelations, brimming with more and more realities everyday for Helsinki to face. Slowly, the bemused grin she wore when she learned something new turned into a sour grimace. The mountain of getting home in front of her was starting to become pockmarked with strange and unusual things she wished she never had to acknowledge.

Like dragons, for example.

She needed to get home.

It's not everyday you're told dragons are real, and so far everyday in this godforsaken world had resulted in Helsinki learning something new that she happily would have lived without knowing.

Dragons were the last straw. She jolted up from the table with clenched fists.

Sometimes not knowing about dragons is better.

Helsinki glared down at the surface of the desk. It was a dark wood, smoothed and covered by a plate of glass. It was elegant, in an angular, _dwarven_ way. She hated it. Back home, she'd wager the desk would be worth a good thousand pounds by itself, not including the gold and ruby paperweight perched beside a pile of gold and bronze coins. Her desk at home was a flimsy fake wood thing that she didn't trust - so it was covered in forgotten garbage and old medical notes. She missed it so much, right down to the swears a young Sebastian had carved into the top of it.

So far, it looked like dwarves didn't know what shitty craftsmanship was.

It was unfortunate that they knew what dragons were.

Suddenly overwhelmed with a murky mixture of rage and sadness, Helsinki stood and shoved her chair away. Her insides were boiling and tense with the very human need to hit something, but of course, dwarves made everything from stone. Helsinki's anger at her own position doubled, now directed at her foreign surroundings that didn't offer her aid with her roiling emotions. She marched exactly three steps towards the door before she paused with her fists curled by her sides.

"Where are you going?" Thorin asked her.

"To commit homicide - or whatever you call it when you murder a wizard," Helsinki spat, briefly reminding herself of the Golden Girls. It would have amused her greatly if she wasn't so pissed with a wizard who wasn't anywhere near her to have his arse kicked. The raw stone walls of the study leered at her, unsmoothed bumps and ridges reminding her not to strike out at them.

Thorin's mouth twitched suspiciously. "You do not have to come with us, Helsinki."

"Yes, I do," Helsinki said forcefully, whirling around in a dramatic swirl of emerald green fabric. "I need to get home - I need to see my parents and my brothers and my nieces and nephews. I need to clean my pantry and buy last minute Christmas gifts. I need to see my grandparents and argue over books with my mother. I can't stay here!" She angrily wiped a threatening tear from her eyes and turned back to the door so that Thorin wouldn't see how upset she was. She felt like a pitiful toddler having a breakdown, embarrassingly in front of Thorin too.

Her shoulders shuddered pathetically and she wrapped her arms around her middle. Helsinki hated crying, especially in front of other people. She once fell out of a tree and dislocated her shoulder without letting a single tear fall down her cheek; her mother did learn about her daughters extensive vocabulary though.

Now though, the tears were burning and blurring her vision of the office, stray candles gauzy and haloed unhappily while Helsinki desperately tried to hold it all in. Had her father been present, he would have sat her down and told her that holding off on crying and being upset would only build the pressure - the inevitable explosion of emotion would be far worse when it did happen. Helsinki hiccoughed and sniffed, palming at her eyes grumpily at the thought of her father who was a whole world away. Her father, who had tears in his eyes as a tiny Helsinki gripped his finger from inside the NICU incubator; who had tucked her into bed with 'Guess How Much I Love You?' and helped her gang up on her brothers when they were being pricks.

Who knew homesickness was more about the people than the home?

Helsinki had been so unaware of her surroundings in her grief that she didn't hear the other chair in the room move on the stone floor. She startled when a large, warm hand tentatively settled on her shoulder.

"Helsinki?" Thorin asked her, voice gentle. "Are you alright?" he sounded so genuine and concerned that the meter broke and the dam burst. Helsinki's lip trembled for a moment before her shoulder slumped in broken defeat.

"No," she admitted with a thick voice. "No," she said again.

Thorin was not an experienced dwarf in social circles. He grew up attending courts and balls and dinners. Training alongside warriors, even though they all would throw their lives in front of his if it came down to it. Friends were hard to come by when they all knew that he would be their king one day, when Thorin was already raised as a Prince and held himself as such.

He had missed his courting days, the stretch of years in which most dwarrow branch out and learn wherever they can. Where they introduce themselves to as many people as possible in the hopes that one of them might be their One. Thorin's young, adventurous years had been spent stepping up to be a leader, finding a home for his people and fighting in a war. Losing dwarrow he knew daily, watching them sacrifice themselves in front of him or seeing them later, after they had fallen.

A cynical part of him that grew as Erebor fell and feasted on every plague and famine, every struggle that befell his people, began to whisper about his One having died in Erebor, choked on smoke or buried alive. It suggested that they were among the uncounted dead at Azanulbizar, where he had already lost so much. The cynical monster grew until it had more say in his decisions than it should have; though sometimes it paid to be pessimistic if only to have the outcome exceed expectations.

Thorin wished of Erebor, dreamed of reclaiming his home for his people, for Dis and Fili and Kili. The cynical monster though, it knew that marching on the mountain would be a lost cause, that the doors were barricaded and the dragon probably still lived. He never pursued those dreams of home, instead focussing on making sure that he could provide a good home where they were, in the Blue Mountains.

Then Gandalf had found him in Bree. An uneventful and unsuccessful search for his father culminating in a small meal in Bree's most notorious tavern, the Prancing Pony. The wizard spoke in circles, as Thorin had heard most wizards do - a very Elven trait, if you asked him. Gandalf wanted him to reclaim Erebor, and not in a wishful way like so many. Thorin was angry at first, feeling as though the wizard was toying with him; only Gandalf wasn't. He had a map, one that Thorin had never seen of Erebor's lands, and a firm belief that the dragon's time under the mountain had come to an end.

Foolishly, Thorin agreed and proceeded to bide his time cobbling together a list of possible allies; afterall, how many of his people would really be willing to face down a dragon? Gandalf met him a few more times in various shady locales, speaking in hushed tones of timing and supplies, once of a burglar.

Then, on what should have been their final meeting, Gandalf arrived with very little to say and a strange looking dwarrowdam trailing behind him. The wizards' words about the quest fell out of the air like feathers from birds in flight, and Thorin's eyes locked with a wide pair of green ones. He tried later that night to convince himself that it was just shock, but there was no denying it to himself, not really. Thorin inhaled a mouthful of his drink, and in his haste to clear his lungs of alcohol, slammed his head into the table he sat at.

Eyes watering, something registered in his chest, then in his head, followed by everywhere else. Like an empty hole had been filled, the yearning that tugged whenever he finished a piece of blacksmithing he should have been proud of but couldn't muster the smile - something slotted into place as though it had never left.

His fists curled and clenched as the wizard said a few more words, trying and failing to focus on the matter of most importance at hand - the quest. Her hair, the colour of burnished molten gold fluttered in the firelight, shifting hypnotically. She was too pale, with a marked flush from the fire nearby, and a smattering of freckles decorating her cheeks. Her nose was too small for a dwarf, though the wide jaw and scattering of hair on her sideburns somewhat made up for it. Her mouth was downturned, lips wind chapped and twitching as though she wanted to say something. She was dressed awkwardly, in a long skirt and a tan shirt, with a thick jacket of an odd material over the ensemble. It hid her figure, though not enough for Thorin to wager that she was small, proportioned more like a Man than any dwarrowdam.

She was perfect. His hands burned to touch her, to pull her close.

The cynical voice was shoved aside while he introduced himself, turning her offered hand into a proper dwarrow greeting. She was odd, that much was obvious, but so long as the cynical voice stayed away, she was the most perfect being Thorin had ever seen.

And her name was Helsinki Alphecca.

Thorin battled for a long moment with his cynicism, drawn to comfort the clearly upset dam in his study, but also wary and nervous to offer such a close service. Perhaps he should retrieve his sister? She would know what to do, surely.

But he still found himself slowly approaching Helsinki, and laying a hand carefully on her shoulder. His eyes followed the movement, watching as her black blouse was swallowed by the skin of his hand wrapping over her shoulder until his fingertips brushed her clavicle through the material.

Helsinki caved in on herself, blindly and uncaringly turning until she was pressed to Thorin's front, face tucked into the lapels of his coat. It smelled like him, lavender and teak with the unfortunate undertone of old and worn clothing underneath. Hands fisted in his tunic, Helsinki sobbed painfully into the dwarf's chest uncaring of her dignity for once. It was awkward for a moment, before Thorin's arms came up to encircle her in return.

Their embrace was warm, cosy, and depending on how you look at it, very unromantic. Helsinki's crying face was not that of an actress', but an ugly picture of red cheeks and an open mouth choking on sobs. Her hair was smoothed back but springing free of its confines, strands sticking to the wetness on her cheeks and she had to keep snorting so snot wouldn't make the entire situation much worse. Resolutely, Thorin held her steady and firm while her chest wracked under his hands and quiet wails met the walls of his study.

The wet thumping of his heart under her damp cheek helped ground Helsinki as she breathed herself into stopping crying.

"Oh god," Helsinki's gluggy voice was muffled by Thorin's nice blue tunic. "Oh god, I'm so sorry." She stepped back, missing the warmth from Thorin's arms around her torso immediately, and palmed under her eyes. How embarrassing, to be crying in the arms of a king.

"It is okay, Helsinki," Thorin replied smoothly. He didn't sound upset, perhaps a little bit stilted, but nothing like he did earlier in the hallway. "I understand that you are grieving. Give it time, it will become easier."

Helsinki blinked up at him, wet eyelashes clumping and catching the light of the candles on the shelves. She hadn't really considered that she should be grieving - that she was but she was pushing it down. Now that she thought about it, crying about her situation seemed only fair and she felt better, lighter, now that she had shed some tears over losing her home and family. "Are you sure?"

"Of course it does," said Thorin.

He was right of course, Helsinki had seen many people pick themselves up and turn their grief from an ocean into a puddle. A year ago she had been treating a teenage boy whose Chronic Kidney Disease was going down the toilet quicker than treatment could have an effect. Helsinki saw that boy everyday for a month and a half, she met his family and friends, even helped him with his chemistry homework when he got stumped on a particularly tangled equation.

It became clear after a month that the treatment wasn't going to work, at least not for long. Helsinki was on shift the night after his parents were informed, and after she had completed her rounds she checked in with the boy. He was hooked to a dialysis machine and looked a lot smaller than she remembered him being the previous day. Dark circles under his eyes were mostly hidden by red soreness.

Helsinki gave him a kind smile and slipped into the dark room, looking over his charts and IV and dialysis though she hardly processed anything.

"You've heard then?" the boy asked, a wry grin pulling at his mouth.

Helsinki took a seat on his bed, careful to avoid the numerous tubes lurking like malignant snakes. "I did," she said quietly. "I'm sure you've been asked this plenty… but how are you?"

He snorted. "I'm fine. Kinda glad to be honest. It's been Hell for years, no offense to present company."

"None taken," Helsinki said.

They sat quietly for a while, listening to the whirring of the machine acting as the boy's kidneys. "You know what?"

"What?" Helsinki asked, looking over at him.

"I know my family will be okay without me," he said confidently. Before Helsinki could articulate a response he was already continuing. "When I die, I won't be taking my love with me. I'll leave it here with them. I won't be needing it, I already have their love with me. So I'm leaving mine for them," he explained with surprising poignance for a teenager.

Helsinki blinked hurriedly, hiding the tears in her eyes. She rested a hand on his leg and smiled. "That's a good way to think about it," she told him.

When the time did eventually come, his family returned to the hospital a week later with gifts for the staff. They all looked tired and withdrawn as expected, but they had made the journey into the city just to deliver a cake, and a box of pastries for the nurses and doctors who looked after their son. The boy's little sister, barely three, was perched on her mother's hip and smiling.

Helsinki said hello to her, as she often did when their paths crossed in the hospital.

"Well, thank you all for what you did for Alex… he's left so many people with lovely memories and I'm sure you're all no different," his mother had said.

"He's not gone!" the little sister refuted. "He's here, 'Lex said so!" she smacked her chubby little hand to her chest, tapping above her heart.

And seeing as the little girl was looking at her, Helsinki smiled and nodded in agreement; love goes with you, wherever you are. It's gifted and shared, like all good things should be. The dead have no use for your love, that's why they leave it with all the people who remember them.

Helsinki swiped at her cheeks, calming her breathing. She might not have her family with her in Middle Earth, but she knew that she had their love, always.

Thorin kindly guided her into the seat she had vacated, his bulky frame exuding warmth like a midwinter's hearth or a bonfire, like the ones Helsinki and her brothers used to like throwing inappropriate things into.

"Are you well?" he asked her, standing close by.

"Uh, yeah, thanks," Helsinki rasped nasally. "Just overwhelmed."

Thorin moved away, taking the warmth with him, but letting the candle light touch her again. "It is understandable. You are a long way from home and what Gandalf has done is task you with an impossible choice."

"I thought I told you not to say that name," Helsinki feebly complained. She felt as though a cold, wet blanket was draped over her shoulders, leeching damp tiredness into her bones.

"Perhaps you should take a few days to think on your choices," Thorin suggested, taking his seat opposite Helsinki. "You have already proved your value to my people, Helsinki, staying here is an option for you-" he held his hand up as Helsinki went to interrupt with a vehemence. "Even if you don't want to consider it. Dis will gladly help you assimilate with our culture and you can continue to live here with her. Your other option is coming with my company on our journey and completing the task that Gan- _the wizard_ had set for you. Whichever you choose, I will gladly help you in any way I can."

Gratitude filled Helsinki, for both the kind words and the removal of a certain wizards name. Despite this, she had already made her decision and was sticking with it. She took a deep breath in, locked her eyes with Thorin's and laid her hands on the table.

"Tell me about this quest."

Thorin blinked at her. "I intend on marching to Erebor with a company and reclaiming my homeland from the dragon Smaug." Helsinki motioned with her hands for him to continue. "He is a firedrake from the North, a great beast with claws of steel and razor sharp teeth; he has felled entire cities before he took Erebor from my people."

Helsinki considered the size of an animal capable of destroying a city. Presumably quite large, but she assumed the cities here in Middle Earth were significantly smaller than the ones that she was used to back home, so the dragon could also be smaller than anticipated. Still, if it managed to ruin more than one city, she didn't fancy meeting it.

"The dragon's quite big then?"

Across the desk, Thorin gave her a fleeting disbelieving look. "He was larger than Erebor's grand gate, which from memory I believe could fit a legion of twenty armed troops shoulder to shoulder."

Exceedingly large then.

Helsinki steepled her fingers, crossing her prosthetic over her real leg and resting her elbows on it. "Hmm." She hummed. "This is a development."

"If you do not wish to join the Company, I will not hold you to do so," Thorin said.

Helsinki was already shaking her pale bronze head. "No no. If I want to get home I have to go. There isn't another option for me."

There was, definitely, as discussed, but Helsinki knew that she didn't want to stay in Middle Earth.

Thorin sighed and sat back in his seat. "I am planning on travelling to Gabilgathol in four days. I have called a meeting of all the Dwarf lords to see if any will aid us in our quest."

"You don't seem hopeful," Helsinki noted cynically.

"It is asking much, to take on a dragon who has destroyed so many lives already," he replied.

"You're the king though. Or are you only King of here?" Helsinki made a circling motion with her finger.

"No, I am rightfully the King of Erebor, a title that has been respected for centuries as the King of Dwarves," said Thorin. "But I am not crowned. And even if I was, I do not think I could order men to their deaths."

Helsinki considered him with an admiring glint in her eyes. He was a kind ruler, much like he was kind himself. Such a sorely undervalued trait, especially in those required to make the toughest decisions. "So you'll only take volunteers?"

"Yes," said Thorin. "And that is why I will offer you a home here, if you do not wish to come with us."

"I'm touched, really," Helsinki admitted, forcing herself to sound offhand. "But I'm coming with you and completing whatever the hell it is the Wizard has planned for me. Who knows, he might be done with me well before we get to the dragon part anyway." She pinched her face in a smile, not her most convincing but seeing as Thorin knew the dangers, she figured he'd respect her weak attempts to keep her own cheer up. "I want to go home. I need to go home."

She supposed, in that respect, that she and Thorin were actually quite similar.

Thorin doesn't smile at her, or look pleased to be taking her along with him, but he also doesn't look unhappy. Firmly neutral, his eyes find her own green ones and nods. "Very well, I will see that you are informed and prepared before I leave."

Helsinki made no move to leave although Thorin's words had been rather dismissive - in a normal, end of conversation way as opposed to a nasty way. "Thorin?"

"Yes, Helsinki?"

"Why is there a dragon in your home?" Thorin stilled and Helsinki wondered if she'd unwittingly stumbled upon some social taboo, asking why a dragon is inhabiting ones home. Maybe the phrase was sexual in nature, she had no way of knowing. Nevertheless, if she was going to risk having her arse roasted, she wanted to know why the dragon was in Erebor. "Sorry if it's rude to ask, but it's nothing I've ever heard of before. Dragons squatting in ancestral homes is something I'd see in a children book probably, not… the end destination of a quest I'm going on."

"You do not have dragons where you are from?" Thorin asked, avoiding the explanation that Helsinki was asking for.

"Not the fire-breathing type, no. I'm assuming that's what's living in Erebor?" A cartoonish image of a foul tempered Komodo dragon and a small army bearded dragons and other small lizards sitting in a cavernous kingdom popped into her head.

Thorin nodded. "His name is Smaug, a firedrake from the North. Erebor was a fortress, a great kingdom before he came. My family has held the throne for centuries, through battles and sieges, carving it into the magnificent city it is today. Mines rich in veins of gold, vaults of valuables, forges that burned eternally and birthed the most precious of treasures. I was born there, I grew up learning to love and rule Erebor with respect, to understand the value of everything and everyone sheltered within its walls." Thorin's eyes were distant as he described his home to Helsinki. "But my grandfather, King Thror, he became ill with a sickness of the mind. He left the balance unchecked and began to hoard the gold and the diamonds with a feverish need. He ignored his people and tunnelled deeper into his own madness. I barely saw him eating, he never seemed to sleep. He only prowled about the treasury with growing madness."

Helsinki reached across the table and rested her fingertips on Thorin's hand, brushing weatherbeaten skin and honed muscle. Helsinki had worked with mentally ill patients before and had seen what it could do to the family. Her maternal grandmother, Lucy, had begun battling dementia when her grandchildren were only six. It was rough for the entire family, a very long goodbye. Helsinki's great-grandmother still lived, the wiry old bat, but she was frail and pushing it at one-hundred and two. Still, she comforted her only daughter with the air of a fed-up, and very loving mother as her daughter slipped away. Thorin spared her a small smile of gratitude and continued his story.

"His love of gold kept him awake at all hours, irritable at all others. He stopped attending council meetings, and at dinners he was always raving about plots to steal his treasure. He went back on deals he had made and eventually became a hermit, a recluse living in piles of gold. He closed off the city after that. Not even my grandmother could pull him from it's clutches," Thorin admitted. "Smaug didn't come with much warning. We heard sounds, winds like a hurricane and screams, and the city of Dale to Erebor's south was decimated in minutes. I rallied our troops, but we were unprepared. Smaug wanted Erebor's wealth, and he took it. We could have fought him, if it weren't for the people trapped inside, trying to evacuate. He destroyed much of the causeways and paths, making it hard to reach him or for my people to escape his wrath. Our best option was to flee, those of us that could." Thorin's hand flipped over, grasping Helsinki's tightly. "And our neighbours, the Elves of Mirkwood did nothing. Their King, Thranduil, watched my home, my people run and burn, and then he retreated into his forest without a word. We wandered, found homes where we could. Eventually my father, Thrain, settled here."

Helsinki looked up at Thorin, eyes soft and sad. Dwarrow were proud, she knew that much already. Her heart ached with empathy for his plight, for his people and their lost home.

"My family lost a home too, you know," she said quietly. "Kinda like yours."

"How so?" Thorin asked.

She swallowed. "There was a war close to fifty years before I was born. My grandfather was the only one of his family to survive it. He fled the country - sort of a kingdom I suppose - in the early days, he was supposed to meet up with a guide or something. Someone with a safe place for the whole family, away from the war. But, by the time my grandfather had met the man, the war had escalated and the rest of his family were trapped. He stuck out the war, finding some work and keeping his head down, but when it was over, he was the last one left. He went to his old home, but it was trashed and empty, and after finding out what had happened to his sisters and parents, my grandfather decided to leave," Helsinki softly concluded the short version of her paternal history. The fates of the great-grandparents Tobiasz and Eleonora and their daughters Felicja and Luiza, Helsinki left out deliberately. She didn't much feel like explaining the depths of hatred and horror her home knew, so she kept it simple. Pawel Alphecca, her grandfather for which her brother was named, found his way to Scotland and met Molly, and they eventually started a family.

Helsinki's father had never shied away from teaching his children about their family history, he encouraged them to explore the attics and old boxes of trinkets at Grandad Pawel's house. Pawel the Senior had never gone back to Poland. Nobody in the family really spoke about it, but everyone understood that there wasn't anything left for him there.

But clearly Erebor still held something for Thorin, just like home did for Helsinki.

Two days later found Helsinki attempting to patch up the hole in her beloved t-shirt on the floor of the living room. At some ungodly hour the previous day, Halȗna had dropped back the laundry Dis and Helsinki had dropped off the day of the mine collapse - which felt like months ago when Helsinki was hauling herself out of bed. Her arse, her back, her shoulders; everywhere felt strained and sore after her trek around the city with Dis.

The shirt, an acid washed band tee was more than a few years old, thin and soft from many washes, and a comfortable reminder of home for Helsinki. Diligently she had presented the hole in the side of it to Dis, and briefly explained her first interaction with Gandalf to the dam before she was given a basket of sewing supplies and made her way to the living room. Kili was out apprenticing, and Thorin was doing his kingly duties somewhere, Helsinki presumed, but Fili was present, lounging on the largest chair by the fire with his sketch pad and a pile of charcoal pencils.

Dis was still in the kitchen, but ever since Helsinki had explained how the hole occurred in her shirt, the dam had been making a lot more aggressive noises with the cast iron cookware. A loud clatter from the kitchen startled Helsinki whose fingers slipped on the razor sharp needle and embedded in her thumb.

"Ah! Fuck!" she hissed, deftly removing the offending object and sucking on the small puncture. Fili looked up from his drawing.

"Stab yourself again?" he asked.

"Yep," huffed Helsinki.

"Ma's not normally this loud without Kili or I annoying her. Though perhaps Uncle Thorin did something this morning to make her especially mad?" Fili pondered aloud while Helsinki resumed her stitching.

"Nah, it was me," Helsinki muttered, haltling just in time for another punctuated _clang!_ to echo from the kitchen.

Fili sat up to regard her properly. Helsinki was sat nearby, using the light of the fire and some sort of oil lamp to run a single thread of dark cotton through her shirt. "You did? What did you do?"

Helsinki didn't look up, determined to successfully pull the thread through and hide it with clever stitching. She hadn't used the ladder stitch technique in some time but it was handy for smaller wounds in visible places. "I told her about how I got this hole in my shirt - _ah ha!_" she crowed as she finished speaking. She gave a final tug and the hole had vanished, along with the thread holding it together. Singing her own praises mentally, Helsinki tied off the thread and cleaned up the strewn sewing supplies that littered the space around her, oblivious to Fili still waiting for a decent explanation.

He cleared his throat. "Why would your strange clothes make my mother angry?"

Helsinki cast him a glance, stretching out her fingers one at a time so they clicked a little bit, a habit she'd never been able to break. "Oh, I think she just doesn't like the wizard."

"I have noticed her snorts whenever his name comes up in conversation recently. Uncle Thorin also seems displeased to speak about Gandalf," Fili observed, putting his charcoal down.

Helsinki refrained from spitting out insults at the use of the wizards name. "Mmmh," she hummed. "I can't say I'm that fond of the wizard either," she admitted.

"Why is that? He is helping us reclaim our home, a guardian of Middle Earth," said Fili with a large divot of doubt in his brow.

"Once you meet him you'll know," Helsinki darkly disagreed. "He's a pain in the arse."

Fili sat up at that, dislodging his sketchbook from his chest where it was resting. The thick paper book flopped to the stone floor in a short flurry of coal dust and landed face up on a pretty design for a diadem made of thin, angular, art-deco style lines. Helsinki smiled at the drawing.

"I like it," she said, as Fili scooped up the book and slammed it shut.

"What?"

"The diadem, tiara thing. It's pretty. I like it," Helsinki repeated.

Fili blinked. "You don't think it's too small?"

Helsinki barked out a laugh, immediately throwing her head back and cackling. "Oh, boy, if I hadn't heard that before…" she trailed off amusedly. Fili was still staring at her, now more confused than before. "I think it's nice and understated. It'd be quite eye catching, especially up close with all of the detailed lines and chevron pattern."

The blond peaked at the page, reappraising it. "It's an old sketch of mine, my mentor didn't think it would look very good so I never made it. He said it would be a waste of good materials and valuable time."

Sure, the tiara was simple, not even ten centimeters thick at its widest. Simply two bands with lines connecting them in a separating chevron pattern, but Helsinki thought it had charm. Hardly worth scrapping or dismissing because it wasn't grand enough. "Perhaps if you took the small peak off and made the whole piece the same width, and then lowered the positioning on the head?" she offered with a tilted glance. Helsinki gestured to her forehead. "So it was worn here. Still visible and it would show off more of the design than if it was tucked away in someone's hair."

Her idea seemed to hold some merit for Fili, who plucked up another pencil and hurried to draw something out. He held out the book a moment later, showing a basic head with the band sitting in the middle of the forehead, lines hastily scribbled in. "Like that?"

"Yeah, I think it's nice," said Helsinki approvingly. "Maybe with stones lining the pattern on the inside?"

Fili grinned at her and opened his mouth to reply when Kili slid around the corner in a mess of brown leather and green fabric. Dis followed close behind, whipping him with a tea towel.

"AH, Amad! Not in front of Helsinki!" Kili squawked as Dis landed a shot on his rear. Fili jeered in the dwarven language, which Helsinki didn't understand though she could infer the meaning based on Kili's sudden glare.

"Don't run in the house, how hard is that to understand?" Dis sighed, flicking the towel once more for emphasis. Helsinki grinned up at her, recalling battles with her brothers and tea towels. They were banned as weapons in the Alphecca household for five or so years after Helsinki landed a spectacular shot on Sebastian that bruised blue for two days.

"Did you get your shirt fixed, Helsinki?" Dis asked kindly.

Helsinki held it up to show the hidden stitches proudly. "I did," she confirmed.

Dis admired the work, inspecting the fabric. "These are fine stitches, Helsinki. You could be a seamstress with work like this," she commented. While she speaks, Kili stands behind her, making odd jolting movements with his head. He looks like a labrador trying to get water out of it's ears. Helsinki stares at him in confusion before realising that he's attempting to subtly gesture outside.

Her eyes go wide with realisation, and Helsinki quickly tries to dim her expression back down, nodding at Dis. "I did lots of stitching back home with work, especially when I worked in the emergency area" she said. "Speaking of home, I really miss fresh air," she declared.

"I know, I'll show you the woods!" Kili enthusiastically chimed in. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet with rather unsubtle excitement. From the corner of her eye, Helsinki noticed Fili, ever observant, frown at his brother.

"I'd like that," Helsinki smiled over at Kili.

"Why not just go out to the cavern, there's plenty of fresh air there," Dis says, somewhat disapproving of her son and the woman she took in as a ward gallivanting off into the woods so close to dinner time. She had guests coming and while she felt that she could probably trust Helsinki to come home looking put together, her youngest was another story. He practically attracted dirt.

"Not fresh enough," said Helsinki, getting to her feet and evacuating the living room before Dis and Fili could question anymore.

Out in the hall, tugging on their shoes, Helsinki smacked Kili around the head. "Real subtle pal," she remarked. "Like a real James Bond."

"Hey!" Kili fussed with his hair, one boot still held in his grasp. "We're leaving, aren't we? I got some training stuff, it's waiting for us."

Helsinki shrugged her defeat, pulling the door open with both hands. Dwarven architecture was very pretty, and very heavy. Kili breezed past her, both boots now on, and instead of turning left towards the interior of the mountain, began leading her right and out to the mouth of the cavern where the tips of trees waved in the wind.

Being outside again was nice, Helsinki supposed. It was cloudy and chilly, but the air was flowing and fresh on her skin a bit like a cold shower. Something she felt inclined to invent after seeing Thorin exit the bathroom with dripping hair the night before. It was barely a glance, Helsinki wasn't in some romance novel and had maintained enough facilities to continue walking towards her room, but what a glance it was.

She wanted to lick him.

And possibly see what he was hiding under that thick tunic-

And then Thorin had disappeared and taken his sodden hair with him, like spilled ink that soaked into his shirt. Helsinki took a good long moment to regroup, scold herself, and then reason that there wasn't anything wrong with liking him. Sure, he was a mythical being in a fantasy world, a king, and entirely too stoic in general, but she could still think he was nice looking.

And smelling.

Among other things.

A short walk down a steep path lead into the trees, though for Helsinki it was a long walk with a prosthetic that needed a stable surface if it wasn't to absolutely buckle, ruin her back, and make her eat dirt. Keeping steady, she caught up with Kili who was watching her from the treeline with a raised brow.

"Keep it quiet or the first thing I teach you will be how to stitch your own mouth shut," she growled as she passed him.

Kili smiled toothily and took her arm, guiding her deeper into the tall trees. "I didn't say anything," he lightly told her. "Regardless, the first thing _I _will be teaching you is archery," he gestured through the trees towards a small clearing where a crude target carved into a tree greeted Helsinki.

"Alright," she nodded to the brunet. "Let's get started."

Of all her natural talents, which included but were not limited to; piano, dancing, arguing, insulting, speaking foreign languages, and retaining information for later use - archery was nowhere to be seen.

Helsinki could barely shoot and she was even worse at aiming. Knocking another arrow, removing arrows from stray trees, and pulling the practice bow that Kili had smuggled from the mountain also proved impossible.

"What are you doing wrong?" Kili exclaimed, walking around her looking as though he was about to start pulling his hair out by the roots.

"Maybe it's my teacher?" Helsinki idly commented.

"It's not that," dismissed Kili with a surprisingly calm wave of his hand. "Something else is making you miss. Your stance keeps moving too and I don't know why you can't seem to knock an arrow."

Helsinki knew the answer to at least one of those problems. Her prosthesis dug into her thigh and didn't feel stable enough when it was positioned as Kili wanted, a mirror of his own stance. Naturally, Helsinki wanted to have her left leg in front, but apparently dwarven shooting was different to what she had seen before in the sense that it made zero sense to her body.

She aimed and fired another arrow, this one striking a spindly tree off to the left of her target. "Fucks sake," she swore, stomping over to retrieve it.

Kili snorted at her. "Aren't you grumpy this afternoon," he commented slyly.

"Fuck off, I'm allowed to be grumpy," Helsinki shot over her shoulder, yanking at the arrow. "For god's sake not again," she huffed as it refused to budge.

A minute later Kili popped up beside her, watching her struggle. "Would you like some help?"

"Help like last time?" Helsinki asked with a raised brow. Kili flushed faintly at the memory of slipping on some wet leaves while trying to pull an arrow out of a tree and almost landing on his arse.

"That won't happen again," Kili swore, more for himself than Helsinki who found the first incident far too amusing to begin with.

It didn't happen again, because this was a different tree that didn't have wet leaves in front of it. Instead, it had a shallow slick of mud by it's trunk. And instead of flailing about for a short moment, Kili gave one good heave and slid. This time, he did fall.

His boots gave out on the mud and slid forward, while the rest of him lurched backwards to counter the sudden movement. His arms grabbed for the tree comically as he went down, reaching for it but never quite making contact.

Sitting dangerously close to the mud, boots caked in the stuff, Kili sighed in defeat while Helsinki did her best to stifle her laughter. "Perhaps we should call it a night," he said, getting to his feet.

"Sure thing," Helsinki agreed, plucking up the bow from where she had discarded it to hide her snorts at Kili's mud-ballet.

A short rustle behind them had Kili standing up and pulling Helsinki by the wrist closer to him. His bow was on the other side of the clearing and Helsinki would only be useful if she aimed anywhere but at the intruders. She could use it as some sort of blunt weapon, but anyone who wanted to do damage would be armed with things far worse than training bows.

Helsinki sensed how tense Kili had become and moved closer, gripping the bows wood tightly in front of her. So far the worst thing Middle Earth had shown her was men - not a huge change from home, quite frankly. The annoying wizard notwithstanding, Helsinki's time in Middle Earth so far hadn't been terribly dangerous.

But the weapons she saw everywhere, the swords, shields, Kili's bow - they all spoke for themselves of need. And whatever dwarves needed to be packing so much heat for, Helsinki wasn't keen to meet.

The rustling grew louder, indication that they weren't being ambushed at least. If they were, the intruders were very bad at it. The undergrowth parted and a small pack of dwarves emerged into the clearing.

Three of them, all armed and one with a deer slung over his back, a doe. The closest, a dark haired dwarf with beady eyes frowned and then smirked at them. Behind him, a dwarf wearing a heavy helmet held an axe, and the one with the deer had probably the most violently red hair that Helsinki had ever seen.

"Hagar, Milne, Buin," Kili said tensely, dipping his head in greeting. "Successful hunt, I see."

Something felt off to Helsinki as she watched the newcomers warily. They exchanged smirks, eyeing Kili's bow off to the side and the target etched on the tree nearby with smug glee.

"My Prince," the one in front, Beady Eyes replied, sweeping into a bow that felt more like a mockery than a respectful greeting.

The other two mimicked the greeting, the one with the doe dipping his head as far as possible without dropping his prize.

Beady Eyes looked to Helsinki who still held the practice bow, now with a tight grip for reasons other than fear. "And this is?"

Kili stepped forward. "Miss Helsinki Alphecca, Guest of the House of Durin."

Helsinki sideyed the brunet at the exceedingly formal introduction but let it go as the other dwarves bowed to her next.

"Forgive me, I have not heard of you prior to our meeting," Beady Eyes said to her. His tone indicated that it was an insult of sorts, as did Kili's sudden bristling beside her. Unfortunately for Beady Eyes, the insult went right over Helsinki's quaffed curls and missed its mark. She lined up hers.

"That's fine, I haven't heard of you either," she smiled sweetly at the leader who narrowed his eyes at her.

"Hagar, son of Dagar," he struck his chest for emphasis. "My father is master of the Gold Guild."

Helsinki supposed this made his dad some bigshot, but just because your daddy has a good job doesn't mean his son gets to clamber onto the pedestal too.

"That's nice, I've never heard of him either," said Helsinki. She looked at the one in the Helmet, something of a beta to Hagar's obvious posturing. "And you are?"

"Milne, my lady, son of Hildingr," Helmet bowed.

Helsinki aimed for the knees. "Not a clue," she replied, watching Helmet puff up like a disturbed chicken.

Beady Eyes stepped in. "Practicing our archery are we? In secret too?" his voice lilted in an unpleasant way.

Helsinki recalled her conversation with Kili in the bathroom. He had mentioned teasing due to his affinity for archery, even if it offered an advantage and didn't look as phallic. Beside her, he was holding himself tall but too tense for it to be played off as confident.

"He was just helping me learn, actually," Helsinki answered Beady Eyes. "Prince Kili has been an excellent instructor." He hadn't been, really, but these asshole ticked all the wrong boxes.

"I suppose there isn't much choice going around," muttered the one with the deer. Helmet snickered quietly.

"Not much genetic choice either is there?" Helsinki questioned.

Helmet cocked his head. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You look inbred," Helsinki said. "You act it too. Like your head's up your own arse."

Kili faltered in his posturing and snorted. Beady Eyes and the back up singers gave her a mix of affronted and insulted glares.

"I come from a long line of Firebeards-" Deer-Boy blustered.

Well, that explained the hair at least. "And yet not one braincell passed down, what a shame," Helsinki cut in.

"Listen here, I don't care if you are a guest of the Royal house, I will speak to my father and have you shorn in front of the court for disrespect," threatened Beady Eyes. This was apparently a major threat, as Kili took a step forward in warning while the other two moved back.

"Hagar-" Kili hissed in warning.

"Go ahead, see if I care," said Helsinki. "All it'll do is prove that you went crying home to your daddy because I stood up for the Prince."

Helmet swallowed nervously and shuffled up to Beady Eyes. He muttered something to him at a volume too low for Helsinki to hear.

It must have registered because the posse moved to leave the clearing the way they came, Beady Eyes lingering to glare at Helsinki. "Guest or not, I would be careful if I were you," he said as he left.

"And I'd grow a backbone and a decent personality if I were you," Helsinki waved them off.

Once their rustling had vanished, Kili relaxed back to his normal, lanky size. "You didn't have to do that, Helsinki," he told her.

"Sure I did, they were assholes," she answered, plucking stray arrows from the ground. "Besides, I have a feeling you would do the same for me."

"But you're a lady, defending your honor would be an honor in itself-"

"And you're my friend. Defending a friend from sentient pondscum comes with the position," Helsinki grinned at Kili. "I'd say it was pretty honorable to help out a friend anyways."

Kili offered her his hand, pulling her up from where she was crouching with a handful of arrows. "Friends?"

"I did just insult strangers for you, I'd say we're friends now," said Helsinki wisely.

The brightest grin lit up Kili's face, scrunching his nose and turning his dark eyes into half moons. "You're right! We're friends," he tucked her arm through his and scooped his bow up with the other.

As they exited the forest arm-in-arm, Helsinki spoke up. "Next time I'm teaching you."

"Teaching me what?" Kili asked, excited. "Is it stitches like the ones I helped you with? Is it-"

"First lesson is on dirty insults," said Helsinki. "After that we cover stitches."

**Thank you all for reading! Let me know what you liked and what you want more of! You comments absolutely make my day! Also, I like to answer questions about the future of this fic and Helsinki, so if you have any, send them my way!**

**There is now a Tumblr for this fic, so if you want extra content or to message me anonymously about something, feel free to head on over to gemsuponasilverthreadff on Tumblr**

**A.K! **


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